to lose my rag with an 8 week old yearold..

[bumbly]

at end of my tether and am wondering if others like me have sometimes raised their voice to their LO?

i am just fed up of constant crying and having to hold LO

and to add to matters today LO didnt even want to be held and was simply crying so we are back to snack feeding to try to calm him

please tell me others get mad and cant help themselves getting mad with a newborn!

actually I don't think this is anything to do with being cliquey, more about offering support to someone who plainly needs it

too new to know about cliques but I really think it's a massive leap from shouting to some sort of life-threatening physical assault

I remember when DS was about 6weeks old and I felt like he had been on my breast for about a week and placing him on the floor at about 2am crying my heart out shouting 'WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CRYING!!'
It made him cry more and I have never felt so bad in my life, but it did help me release some of the emotions I was feeling at the time, so I suggest going out of the room, and shouting at nobody.
Fortunately that was about the only time I got to that point with DS but I had a friend who I found shouting at her DS many times, he just wouldnt shut up, until I took him off her and gave him a cuddle. It used to drive her bananas thinking she couldn't calm her own baby and took a while til she believed me it was just because she was stressed out.
Babies feed off emotion, so if you are feeling distraught best thing to do is go somewhere to calm down , whilst the baby is still in earshot of course, and go back when you feel calm enough to calm them down.
Good Luck, and well done for coming to MN, maybe vbac is right, this is the first step to shaken baby syndrome but I doubt many of those parents looked for help.

It's not objecting to newbies, it's objecting to anyone who posts alarmist claptrap to a lady who is already stressed.

suggestions:when you really feel wound up, put baby in cot, take ten minute coffee break

or stick baby in pram, go for a walk - you'll feel better outside the house.

One of the best bits of advice I ever got before DD was born was from MIL. She said that when you have a baby, you will find yourself experiencing emotions that you can't believe ever came from you, and that scare you, both good and bad. She was so right! When DD was tiny and wouldn't stop crying, there were times when I could see myself throwing her out of the window and I just wished she's go away. Like pp's have said, just put him down somewhere safe for a couple of minutes, close the door, and have a sit down and quick cry if you need to.

It does get better, I promise!

VBAC - that was a bit unnecessary. Of course it's not right to shout at a newborn, but I bet that plenty of us have done it (hands up high here!) because we're just so frikkin' frustrated.

I think Vbacqueen's post was very sensible. There must be a very fine line between shouting at a tiny baby and shaking. I don't think Vbq was judging, just warning. Its no good wrapping it up so much that the important point doesn't get through. Its bad to shout at young babies.

it is not sensible to equate shouting with potentially lethal shaking of a new born, imo.

mothers are human beings with feelings and cannot be saintly, especially 8 weeks post partum, tired and hormonal

Yes. That was stating the obvious.

bumbly, {{{hugs}}} I'm at the same place that you are.
My lo is 5 months and has been screeching since the second he was born. I've shouted at him a couple of times( and always felt mean) and I've had to ask dp to take him away for fear I might damage him.
You're only human. Try and find other ways to vent your frustration, silly things like counting to 10, leaving the room. It won't hurt your baby to scream for 10 mins whilst you give yourself some space. Hang on in there it will get better

Oops, sorry BarryScott, read OP and double posted the link (but it is a good thread).

One particularly bad night DP took her as I was at the end of my tether, by the time I took her back 10 mins later he was so frustrated with himself for not being able to help her she went out and punched the wall He hurt his hand! He felt better though - suggested I try it

A few minutes time out did help me and stopped me getting to the shouty stage, I learnt to recognise when I was about to snap and would walk away. 12 weeks or so is a turning point though so just look forward and by the time LO is a year you will be thinking - where has the time gone? All those nights that dragged on forever will be a dim and distant memory.

{{hugs}}

First of all you poor, poor thing. This is very hard to take even if you are the most patient, saintly person in the world.

Seeker is right, put the baby in a safe place -cot/moses basket/bouncy chair and go into another room. Make yourself a coffee and have a break. See if you can talk to some supportive friends/dh or p to phone when things get to much.

I shouted a lot (sorry to whoever the lady was that thinks it totally outrageous I could say something caustic but it wouldn;t chnage her opinion I'm sure) I was developing pnd (not saying you are at all ) and my ds screamed all day with respite at around 10pm, when he finally wore himself out. I remember my dh coming home to me holding ds under the arms and telling dh to 'take it away.' I asked for help. My bf's mum came to visit me and I went to visit her for a whole day each week -doesn't sound a lot but she was a lifeline.

It does get easier, you are not a bad mummy at all, ask for help x

vbacqueen

I can understand your misunderstanding of the 'Am I being unreasonable?' thread. This is a place where you can express your opinions but sometimes the topic necessitates a large dose of sensitivity.

AIBU -about your neighbours' cat pooing on your garden is totally different to a mother who clearly loves her child, who is clearly struggling and is asking for some advice. I am a 'newbie' too and seem to understand this so it's not all of the 'oldies' against you.

so glad to see this thread. makes me feel i am not the worlds worst mother.

i lose my rag and shout occ too. makes me feel so awful. i know it is wrong but it is sooo hard sometimes.

my LO is 17 weeks now and it's getting better, but he cried so much in the early days. bumbly i so know where you are coming from.

anyway, my tip is to buy a pair of ear plugs and put them in while you comfort your LO. doesn't mean to can't hear them, but takes away the egde from the screaming, and made me feel like i was doing something.

ear plugs are fab, like you say -takes the edge off the pitch of the screaming.

Hi bumbly, I've followed several of your threads simply because I remember finding the first few weeks with my DS equally hard. Sorry to hear that you are still finding it so difficult.

Firstly, have you got a decent HV you can talk to? Mine was good - my PND score was really low at six weeks but by 8 weeks was sky high. My GP was great at offering support and my HV came weekly for a few weeks just to listen and tell me I was doing okay.

Secondly - being a new Mum is really hard. I know you are probably hearing this all the time but it DOES get easier. I think the first few weeks with my DS were the worst. I can rememember trying to fill in a "routine" for the nursery I was applying for (even though he wasn't due to start there for another three months) and thinking "routine - he doesn't have a fecking routine". Of course by the time he started there was a sort of routine.

Thirdly, if your little one is crying constantly have you ruled out reflux or transient lactose intolerance as your DS sounds uncomfortable. If it's reflux then Gaviscon is good (your GP can prescribe). If it's transient lactose intolerence then Colief is excellent - even if it is £10 a bottle (you'll find it in Boots).

Whatever else happens make sure you really have some time to yourself each day. Get your DH to take the baby while you go and soak in the bath for example.

I promise you that this will not last forever and you will get your life back and your nights of full sleep (at least until he's 3-4 and starts answering back).

Have you done a PND score with anyone to see if you are depressed. It honestly sounds like you need to do one. It might only be high because you are exhausted but at least you'll be offered some support.

Don't panic too much about raising your voice - we've all done things we regret doing and you sound tired out to me.

Oter advice here is excellent. When it gets too much put your DS safely in a cot then leave the room and calm down for 10 mins. I know he'll scream but he will be safe and more importantly you 'll get a chance to take a few deep breaths. This is hard advice to follow as if you are anything like me you'll feel guilty about leaving him but your sanity is important as is his safety.

Hang on in there. The Cry-sis line is a good one and I'll just go and find the number to post here. Keep coming back for support - we've all been in this position as the early weeks are really hard for most people.

Okay - cut and pasted from their website.

Cry-sis

You can contact the
CRY-SIS HELPLINE on
08451 228 669
(ACT NOW)
7 days a week
9am-10pm

VBACqueen/Jangly - there is not a fine line between shouting at babies and shaking them. FFS it's a bloody great gulf. Jesus - and I've wondered in the past why women are called hysterical and men never are. I think they're all on this thread

bumbly - there is some good advice on this thread. Take a step back, walk away, do something different. If your baby is warm, dry and fed, it will be fine. Crying does not kill a baby. Your mental health is very important too. I promise you it will get better very soon, just hang in there

Just wanted to say, I too am a newbie and I agree with muppetgirl. It's not wrong to have an opinion but perhaps the tone was a little judgemental? I think most of posters were simply responding to an all too familiar situation.
Hope some of the advice has helped bumbly.

Bumbly, I'm not suprised you are stressed if your DS won't settle whatever you do. I can only hope she get a bit better very soon. Have you tried a sling, my DS was a nightmare for weeks and would only settle in a sling. I just went out all the time as he was usually happier when we were walking round the shops window shopping or had other people to amuse him. I did try to leave him to yell sometimes but our house is so small I could hear all his noise wherever I was.

In a nutshell. Its not unreasonable to shout at your baby once in a blue moon, although it probably won't achieve much and you'll probably feel crappy afterwards(think someone has said this before?). [[[hugs]]]]]

If there's not a fine line between shouting at a baby and then shaking them, why are you all saying you should put the baby down and walk away....................?
I think you're all just determined to try to make me out to be some extremist trouble-causing newbie who hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about. Someone has even used the cry-sis advice that I'd already given!
My advice is completely sound and just because my opinion isn't that of the majority doesn't make me wrong, just a tad more honest.
Get over yourselves.
And bumbly, FWIW, I hope your baby settles for you very soon.

perhaps the fact that so many people have disputed your opinion, and not just that, but the harsh way in which it was delivered, would maybe suggest it is not sounds advice?

you could have posted what you wanted to say in a more constructive, less 'honest' way , emotions run high when you are a new mum, and being told you are a step away from killing your child is not constructive.

so, lulumama, which part exactly of my advice is not sound? I take on board everyone thinking that I've been harsh and judgemental - I could have prettied up as others did, but the message is still the same: looking after a small crying baby is damn hard work sometimes but it's not reasonable to lose your temper with them. We put them down and leave the room to KEEP THEM SAFE.
shakes head in disbelief