to lose my rag with an 8 week old yearold..

[bumbly]

at end of my tether and am wondering if others like me have sometimes raised their voice to their LO?

i am just fed up of constant crying and having to hold LO

and to add to matters today LO didnt even want to be held and was simply crying so we are back to snack feeding to try to calm him

please tell me others get mad and cant help themselves getting mad with a newborn!

which bit are you shaking your head at?

it is absolutely reasonable, IMO, for a new mother, tired, emotional , hormonal, maybe she is depressed, has not enough support... to lose her temper. losing your temper in those circumstances is absolutely understandable. to suggest that she is in danger of shaking her baby to death is not reasonable IMO. the fact she hasn't done so, nor have the other mothers on this thread, would suggest that there is a lot more than a fine line between shouting and shaking.

and i think there is a lot to be said for prettying up advice and opinion , especially when emotions are runnign high

No, usually we put them down and leave the room to protect ourselves. Most of us are a milion miles from hurting our babies - but we are not a million miles from depression and even closer to feeling very sad and unhappy and tired and guilty. The ten minute break is to give us the strength to carry on, not stop us doing something drastic. This is not a thread about the politics of mental health and

No, we walk away because shouting at them only makes you feel worse because you know that it doesn't do any good. And because we need to calm down. I've shouted and I've walked away. But I have never, ever felt like picking up my baby and shaking him. Not ever. I think it's a terrible accusation you've made. Just awful. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Ignore my last half sentence - I thought I had deleted it.

am shaking my head at how you are all closing ranks but ignoring the fact that I'm right!
Although to be honest I respect the fact that you are being so protective of someone who you obviously all think highly of, so fair play on that front.
Like I said, I hope that things get better for her soon.

agree lulumama...I think it's called tact
or maybe sensitivity
there's a lot to be said for it

actually I don't know bumbly from adam but I have a lot of sympathy and empathy with her in her current situation

closing ranks? eh?

i don;t even 'know' bumbly

i thikn i have posted on one of her other threads

speaking for myself, i would post the same regardless of whether everyone agreed with you or not, as I don;t agree. And regardless of whether the poster was an oldie.

'ignoring the fact you are right'

you might believe you are right, and it is great to have the courage of your convictions, but i am not ignoring what you have said, i have countered it, with what i believe to be true. we can agree to disagree, but it makes neither of us more right than the other.

Can you not read Sazzybee? I have made no accusations about anyone. I have even read back through the thread to see how I could possibly have been misinterpreted. I can't see it.

jesus christ, vbac has said she thinks it is unreasonable to shout at a new born baby true
and that it is a fine line between shouting at them and losing your temper again true
maybe she wasnt the most tactful of people but what she has said is right and the fact that the OP is here asking for advice, especially in an AIBU thread goes to show she knows it isnt a perfect scenario, and has asked for help.
Maybe everyone that has a newborn child should be molly coddled, maybe not, but vbac's general opinion wasnt that the OP was going to hurt her child, just that in severe unhelped cases that this can be the extreme.
I understand it is a sensitive subject, but I dont think she needs hanging for it really.

'if you're already at the point where you're shouting, you've lost it and without even realising it, you could be shaking your baby too.' That sounds like an accusation to me.

FWIW I have no idea who bumbly is, nor any of the other posters on this thread. I just think you're out of order.

no-one is hanging anyone

we are having a debate, no? that is what this site is about

shouting at a baby is not the same as shaking them or killing them

it is not even nearly the same

it is not unreasonable to lose your temper when you are post natal/ tired / hormonal etc

hurrah! A voice of reason

Rubbish, it's NOT a fine line between shouting a physicaly hurting your baby.
What 'tosh'.

hello sazzy

so everyone who disagrees with you ,is unreasonable... kind of a 'set in stone' stance to take really.

still, each to their own

Suspect the response to this thread has scared off an already vulnerable and anxious new mum

hello kitty

Okay I lied. I know kitty

Can I just ask why the advice is to walk away? Because let's face it, it's NOT just to give yourself 5 minutes free time is it? It's to give yourself chance to calm down. To stop you from losing your temper ergo to stop you from doing something you would regret.
I'm really sorry if I've upset people with this thread. But I can't even see why you're arguing with me over something so fundamentally obvious.

i think its a shame that the OP has felt she has needed to disappear from this thread. Maybe it may have been better posted in another section as this section does tend to elicit strong opinions etc. Vbac, if you are a newbie, welcome to mumsnet, i find it is absotlutely fine to have an opinion, but you must expect it to be be questioned and put down of everyone doesnt agree. Its just the nature of the beast and whilst people may shout you down on one thread, they will back you up on another. I dont take it personally, i have often found myself disagreeing with someone strongly and not really taking too much notice of the name. Then i realise it is somone i have agreed with on another thread. I tend to react simply to what is said rather than the person, IYSWIM. One thing i have learnt whilst being on mnet, read more than just the OP and try and read between the lines if you can - that way you wont find yourself making a cyber faux pas. I don't find mumsnet cliquey at all, but then im pretty thick skinned.

Bumbly, i feel for you i really do - do you get much support from your family? Might you benefit from a chat with your HV or is she like mine was and a bit useless when it came to the crunch? Your baby is eight weeks old and i think that is a really vulnerable time for you hormonally, so something that is already really bloody hard to cope with can often feel even harder. With regards to your first post saying about him not even wanting to be held etc, i am wondering if he is overtired? I had that with DD, she was feeding every half hour or so, snacking, irritable - my HV said, put her in her chair, shes tired - bingo. Just a thought, not any real helpful advice but a big hug for a stressed mummy

no-one is saying that if you are upset or angry or shouting, you should not put your baby down and leave the room

but the natural conclusion , if you don;t leave the room, is not that you are absolutely definitely going to shake your baby to death

you are not even acknowledging why the mother might be at the point of shouting, you are simply seeing it as a nanosecond away from infanticide