To think Mil is a cheeky cow?

[KangarooAtTheZoo]

My parents live an hour and 20 minutes away by car. My Mil lives an hour and 30 minutes away in the other direction. My Mil has never made an effort with my parents and completely ignored them at my wedding (only 15 guests at my wedding) and has sent them passive aggressive text messages in the past. She has never been interested in my dc much, but is always asking how often my parents are visiting and makes passive aggressive comments about it. She has tried to invite herself on a day she knows my parents are visiting and isn't interested in visiting another day.
Both me and my husband can't drive due to different reasons but I am hoping to learn soon.
My Mil is on the government vulnerable list due to her medication. My parents are not on the list and are in their early 50s.

Mil has said that when the lockdown is eased that my parents should drive to my house and then pick us all up and then drive to her house so she can see my dc in the garden. My dc is 2 years old and would not understand the distancing rules. My parents have not seen my dc for 3 months and don't want to spend almost 6 hours driving in one day and to mostly see my dc in the back seat of a car.
AIBU to think my Mil is being a cheeky cow?

GrandAltogetherSo MIL has many friends and is in a book club. Fil lives with her. So don't think she is lonely.

Lynda07 can't remember the wording of her texts. But my parents thought it was very passive aggressive. She doesn't show much interest in my dc and never has.

planningaheadtoday don't think that is, the case she definitely knows how far away they live. I think it's a sense of entitlement. She is always making crazy demands and very interfering, really makes me wonder what planet she is on sometimes.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine my parents would not be happy about driving for 6 hours especially for someone who would not repay the favour and barely gives them the time of day. My parents think the text messages are passive aggressive and at this point they think she is bonkers.

She knows ops parents, who she is nasty to the rest of the time, will be able to visit and she doesn't like it and wants to spoil it for them this is exactly what I think she is thinking

derxa I can't because my parents could not afford to pay for lessons and I could not afford to while I was at university (for 8 years). Then I was saving for a house. It's on my to do list. If we had a car mil would try to guilt us into visiting often and that is putting me of learning now

I never learned to drive, hence I don't have to drive to MIL - who chooses to live in the back of beyond. Result.

We've found ourselves in your parent's situation with my son's MiL over 'smaller' things when he and DiL were first married, and we've replied with a succinct "No, sorry" without getting my son involved. She tried to be a bit pushy with us at first, but we 'shut her down' early with short, polite refusals. She finally gave up when she realized we weren't going to acquiesce nor were we going to argue about it. And that my son & DiL weren't going to 'talk to us'.

Tell your parents that if they can't bring themselves to tell her 'no' or if she won't drop it, to simply block your MiL. There's no real need for them to be in communication, is there? She can always be unblocked if there is some type of emergency. (Sorry if this is a 'cancel the cheque' moment)

Do MiL and/or FiL drive?

Yep. In lots of ways it’s actually easier NOT to be able to drive. I’ve not long passed my test and after 20 years of not driving and simply pleasing myself, there’s now lots of expectations on me.

It’s such a great excuse to get out of things you don’t want to do!

AcrossthePond55 your right they don't need to be in communication with each other. My parents should just block her. Think she only got their number because my dh was sick of her asking for it. She also would not stop pestering my dh for their address and wanted to know why she could not have it. Don't think she understands the word no.

JudyCoolibar yes mil and fil can both drive.

Osirus that's a big worry I have about learning to drive. The sudden expectations and demands. Mil will no doubt constantly guilt my dh into us visiting often.

Kanga To me, her 'pestering' for their contact details shows that she wanted to be able to 'check up' on the amount of time your parents spend with you AND for them to be a 'back door' channel for 'intel' and a way to try to influence your life. It's up to your folks, of course, but I'd tell them that you'd actually prefer if they blocked her. Give them 'permission', as it were.

My iLs were lovely and they and my parents had each others details. But I'll bet about the only time they contacted each other was if something 'mutual' was going on that needed to be discussed (Xmas, Bday gift ideas, etc). Neither EVER contacted the other to try to influence or interfere.