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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Mil is a cheeky cow?

107 replies

KangarooAtTheZoo · 31/05/2020 13:52

My parents live an hour and 20 minutes away by car. My Mil lives an hour and 30 minutes away in the other direction. My Mil has never made an effort with my parents and completely ignored them at my wedding (only 15 guests at my wedding) and has sent them passive aggressive text messages in the past. She has never been interested in my dc much, but is always asking how often my parents are visiting and makes passive aggressive comments about it. She has tried to invite herself on a day she knows my parents are visiting and isn't interested in visiting another day.
Both me and my husband can't drive due to different reasons but I am hoping to learn soon.
My Mil is on the government vulnerable list due to her medication. My parents are not on the list and are in their early 50s.

Mil has said that when the lockdown is eased that my parents should drive to my house and then pick us all up and then drive to her house so she can see my dc in the garden. My dc is 2 years old and would not understand the distancing rules. My parents have not seen my dc for 3 months and don't want to spend almost 6 hours driving in one day and to mostly see my dc in the back seat of a car.
AIBU to think my Mil is being a cheeky cow?

OP posts:
CecilyP · 31/05/2020 15:47

Sorry thought OP meant when it was eased eg after the rules change tomorrow.

Willow2017 · 31/05/2020 15:51

Yes very cheeky but obviously missing her grandchild. Is she seeing him/her on Zoom or FaceTime?
How can she miss them if she doesnt bother with them at any other time?
Its just a selfish control and competative issue. "I dont want anyone else seeing them without me so you will all jump to do it." She knows ops parents, who she is nasty to the rest of the time, will be able to visit and she doesn't like it and wants to spoil it for them.

I like to provide some positivity for MILs amongst the endless sea of nastiness towards them.
The only nasty person here is the mil. Did you even read the op or just jump to defend mil whatever they have done? Which part of previoysly treating ops parents very badly gives her the right to demand they spend 6hrs driving when they want to visit their grandkids accommodating her?

Tell her to jog on op.

BMW6 · 31/05/2020 15:55

OP tell your parents to block her from contacting them, and tell MIL to cop on to herself.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 31/05/2020 15:57

@BMW6

OP tell your parents to block her from contacting them, and tell MIL to cop on to herself.
seriously?
Diverseduvet · 31/05/2020 16:01

Could you say you would rather your child spent time with grandparents separately, so they get quality time with everybody? You'd be happy to visit when she's stopped shielding?

bridgetreilly · 31/05/2020 16:21

This is one of those 'No is a complete sentence' times, OP. Just say no.

ThanosSavedMe · 31/05/2020 16:24

Just because she tells you to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it.

As others have said, just tell her no.

Windyatthebeach · 31/05/2020 16:27

Just tell her a day you will be home.
End of chat.

olivesnutsandcheese · 31/05/2020 16:31

How does she even know your dps are coming over?

BumpBundle · 31/05/2020 16:32

You can't be in a car with your parents because they're from a separate household and you can't be 2m away in a car...

AnnaMagnani · 31/05/2020 16:36

Nothing wrong with parents and ILs not getting on. Not them that fell in love.

Nothing wrong with a set of parents not being into GCs if that not the sort of GP they want to be.

But then being PA over the other set wanting to visit grandchildren, or expecting them to give you lifts - er, no.

Just don't tell her when your parents are visiting or what they do with your children. She doesn't need to know.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/05/2020 16:47

I like to provide some positivity for MILs amongst the endless sea of nastiness towards them.
I wouldn’t let it bother you.

Having also been used to passive-aggressivity from in-laws who tried to make demands they were in no position to make, I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest. And I still wouldn’t capitulate.

'That doesn't work for us' is all well and good, but what about when they say:
'Why not?'

You tell them.

ivykaty44 · 31/05/2020 16:48

from tomorrow vulnerble people will be able to visit a family member therefore your MIL will be able to visit you and her grandchild at your home - if she can't drive that may well be difficult

Beautiful3 · 31/05/2020 16:51

Just say, "no thanks my mum doesnt want to spend 6 hours in the car." Tell them they can drive to yours on a dry day, to socialise in the garden.

Helendee · 31/05/2020 17:03

@Electrical

If you say so but I think her behaviour is displaying her wish to see her grandson.
However I wasn’t privy to the fact that she wasn’t bothered about FaceTiming then.

okiedokieme · 31/05/2020 17:07

If she drives, why can't she drive to your house or an outside location near you.risk is the same

AcrossthePond55 · 31/05/2020 17:11

If she really is anxious to see her DGC, she'll do her own drive when it is safe to do so.

I either would ignore the request or simply say, "No, I will not ask my parents to double their driving time. The drive is long enough for them as it is".

IdblowJonSnow · 31/05/2020 17:32

Massively cheeky fucker behaviour.
She sounds like a charmer! Confused

Hopeisnotastrategy · 31/05/2020 17:32

And it’s a big fat no from me.

billy1966 · 31/05/2020 17:39

OP,
You know her best...

I would just answer with a "I wouldn't dream of putting my parents to such trouble MIL, we will see you when you can drive over".

And tell your parents NOT to dream of answering the phone to her.

derxa · 31/05/2020 18:17

Why don't you drive? How do you cope?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/05/2020 18:45

Why don't you drive? How do you cope?

There goes the point. WHOOOSH! -->

SeasonFinale · 31/05/2020 18:55

Well even if your parents visit you they specifically said on today's update not to mix households in cars.

Even if it were ok it would be a NO here too

Alsohuman · 31/05/2020 18:58

@derxa

Why don't you drive? How do you cope?
Lots of people don’t. And don’t need to. HTH.
derxa · 31/05/2020 19:01

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Why don't you drive? How do you cope?

There goes the point. WHOOOSH! -->

I know. But it's utterly frustrating.