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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my husband is weird about risk

115 replies

Risk1 · 30/05/2020 13:15

He is 50, v overweight, BAME and smokes 20 a day. His parents passed away years ago, his dad at 46 from heart failure. He has (controlled) hypertension, pre-diabetes which he takes met for in for, and he also buys ventolin on the internet, presumably because he doesn’t want to discuss his respiratory problems with the doctor. He does no exercise. None.

Unbeknownst to me he is in the “shielding” category. He works from home mostly anyway, but he didn’t tell me about the shielding thing. The GP surgery has been chasing him since at least February for bloods which I think relate to high cholesterol and diabetes. He won’t go because he says that the blood clinic will be too much of an infection risk.

And here’s the thing: he goes out each and every day, without fail, usually to the supermarket, or the garage for fags. Today he is going to the tip. He washes his hands when he comes back but doesn’t wear a mask. He won’t let me do the shopping as he is weird about money and control, which is another issue entirely. I, I might add, am healthy and not in a shielding category.

What’s that about?

OP posts:
randomer · 30/05/2020 19:43

So you ring the doctor and say I am worried about my husband, I have made an appointment for my son but really its for my husband? And the doctor is happy to go along with this but doesn't diagnose chest problems or follow up?

Risk1 · 30/05/2020 19:45

Randomer, I made the appointmentment in my husbands name and told my husband it was for our son so he would actually be at the surgery. I called the practice nurse who is a mate, beforehand and said that he was coming in to see Dr and the background and could she have a word with him. She was v happy to oblige. He was prescribed one lot of ventolin but no steroids etc and has bought the ventolin since, so that he doesn’t have to see the asthma nurse and be given a hard time about his smoking.

OP posts:
Risk1 · 30/05/2020 19:46

He still sees the doctor regularly enough to get the rest of his prescriptions repeated but not the inhalers.

OP posts:
randomer · 30/05/2020 19:52

Can't see how you could manhandle a huge bloke into a doctors surgery but good luck with this.

Risk1 · 30/05/2020 19:57

I didn’t manhandle him. I feel you are being deliberately obtuse! I told him toddler had an appointment, he agreed to come with me, we got there and I said “the appointment is for you.” So in he went. He didn’t have time to refuse and excuse.

OP posts:
Risk1 · 30/05/2020 19:57

And why do you think he is huge?

OP posts:
recycledbottle · 30/05/2020 20:32

I think you are both in denial. You relying exclusively on this man for financial support whilst saying he is in denial about his health. Surely you are also in denial as you have no means to support the family should he fall ill which is more likely than death with a big policy.

Risk1 · 30/05/2020 20:39

What should I do then, recycledbottle? I’m already taking steps to divorce, so clearly I’m missing something. What is it?

OP posts:
OtterBe4 · 30/05/2020 21:04

why do you think he’s huge
because your intial post says he’s hes very overweight

randomer · 30/05/2020 21:16

Honestly, best of luck with your on going situation. I live in suburbia ( just for reference), a big GP practice, the staff are right on it and don't take any nonsense. I can't imagine making an appointment for John Smith and turning up with James Smith. They just wouldn't have it.
Maybe other places are different.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 30/05/2020 21:20

he is a decent father and wouldn’t see them go short, nor would he let the mortgage go into arrears. I'm sorry but everyone thinks that at first! Even if he pays the mortgage how can you manage food and bills when you're unemployed? If you do 50/50 You'll likely get no maintenance anyway.

Elieza · 30/05/2020 21:25

So what is your plan to divorce him? Have you seen a lawyer yet?

I doubt he will believe anything without proof.

He will when you and the children leave to stay with a relative/go to a shelter or council property etc.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/05/2020 21:31

randomer - I took it that the OP made the appointment for her DH, in his name, but just told him that the appointment had been made for his DS. So there was no need for the dr to see the wrong person - they knew all along who was coming.

Risk1 · 30/05/2020 22:50

Zaphodsotherhead yes, that’s exactly what I did. Apologies randomer if I didn’t make that clear.

OP posts:
1300cakes · 31/05/2020 03:05

If you have made the decision to divorce, don't even worry about any of this. He is your ex - whether he is correctly perceiving risk or not is no longer your business or problem (unless it relates to safety of dc while in his care).

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