Mumsnet etiquette

[maxonebitch]

What do you think is important MN etiquette? Does it have one?

Don’t called your dh ‘hubby’

Report your own thread to MNHQ to have it deleted when you don't agree with the replies you get. Call the "identified in real life" card.

Find yourself hilariously witty because you can write fuck, cunt, twat, asshole add your own chosen words

If you're posting about an absolute arsehole of a man who has utterly and consistently failed to meet any of the basic duties of a husbandvor father, including anything from forgetting the kids' birthdays, to beating their mother, it is vital that you remember to describe him as "an amazing dad".

If you're posting in AIBU, don't call your post 'AIBU', use a bit of imagination and give the reader a clue what the post might be about before opening it.

Try and RTFT if you can, or at least skim it to see what others have replied. Nothing worse than 100 responses with everyone saying exactly the same thing thinking they're being unique.

most important: recognise that all men are dangerous evil and violent predators at best, or selfish useless unfaithful weak bastards.

try writing 2 identical threads alternating the genders, the results are very funny

If you are a newbie within 24 hours of joining you must suggest all the ways that MN is awful and needs improving to be like 'other websites' bonus points awarded for requesting a 'Like' button.

Within 48 hours complain everyone on MN is 'mean'.

Comment in any way you like about a very slim woman, but anything about a slightly larger size is "fat-shaming".

@Sparklingbrook

If you are a newbie within 24 hours of joining you must suggest all the ways that MN is awful and needs improving to be like 'other websites' bonus points awarded for requesting a 'Like' button.

Within 48 hours complain everyone on MN is 'mean'.

Haha this!!!

Any female older than her early 20s is a woman, not a girl.
Don't say 'gender' when you mean biological sex.

@EmpressLangClegInChair

Any female older than her early 20s is a woman, not a girl. Don't say 'gender' when you mean biological sex.

Any female older than 18 is a woman.

You must not celebrate your birthday once over the age of 18.

If starting a thread about Hallowe'en/gotten/Santa being 'Americanisms' you must ignore all Scottish and Irish posters telling you you are talking bollocks.
You must despise all things American (see above).
You may not ever feel less than happy at behaviour that is annoying but legal.

I spend far too much time in AIBU, I have in fact GOTTEN a lot of helpful advice and information from other threads.

Don't celebrate your birthday, ever. You're spoilt/hard work/selfish if you expect any effort for it. A card and a cup of tea are just about acceptable.

call the Daily Mail the Daily Fail

but still read it.

Find yourself hilariously witty AND important and start your OP with "fuck off Daily Mail" because your posts must be worthy of the national press interest which standards are pretty low to be fair

For clarity and speed, use the ‘D’ system. For example, if I thought my friend was having an affair with either my father or my fiancé, I would write:

AIBU? DF is clearly hiding something. I looked at her phone and there were racy texts to my DF AND my DF. She’s clearly having an affair with one or both of them. I confronted my DF and he has left, taking everything except my beloved pet, DF (dear fish). I rang mum and told her about DF but she’s sticking by him. AIBU to expect more loyalty from these people?

Look down, hate, mock ridicule, and refuse to attend anything like

engagement party
bridal shower
hen party
weddings
christenings
birthdays

because they are below you

Always assume that a step-mother knows nothing about children and doesn't want the step child in her house and the child's mother just needs support*.

*Disclaimer...my SDD lived with us for 14 years whilst her mother was in and out of prison for drug dealing and assault with a deadly weapon.

Spending as little as possible on a wedding is a competitive sport on MN
But you must have a free bar and unlimited food.

@Tableclothing

If you're posting about an absolute arsehole of a man who has utterly and consistently failed to meet any of the basic duties of a husbandvor father, including anything from forgetting the kids' birthdays, to beating their mother, it is vital that you remember to describe him as "an amazing dad".

So true!

Change your sheets daily.

NEVER answer your front door

And never, ever, ever admit to being the OW.

For the OP:

• Don't drip feed
• Don't start a thread about a subject that has 3 other active threads
• Post in the correct topic
• Answer people's questions for more info if needed
• Reply to the people who posted on your thread
• Don't ask "AIBU" then insist "no I'm not" when 100% of posters say "yes you are"
• Don't ask for advice but then say "no negativity/ positive answers only please"
• Don't do "reverse" posts
• Don't do "person A and person B" posts where you don't reveal which one you are - it's always obvious which you are and it's hard to read.
• Don't try and conceal which sex you and the other people you're referring to are - I know you're trying to get "neutral" answers but until we live in a sex neutral world it is almost always relevent to the problem.

For posters:

• RTFT before replying
• Don't @ people who are already on the thread
• Don't reply if your only contribution is to criticise the OPs SPAG or mock them for using words like "hubby" or "baby daddy"
• Don't post saying things like "I have a similar problem, can anyone help me" - just start your own thread
• Check which topic the thread is posted in before replying
• Don't bump zombie threads
• Don't post to just say "placemarking"
• Don't post to just say "threads like this are so boring/pointless etc. Just click hide or ignore it.

For both OP and posters:

• Someone disagreeing with you is not "bullying"
• Lots of people disagreeing with you is not a "pile on"
• Understanding that some situations are different with different advice required based on whether the people involved are male or female, is not sexism or "double standards".
• Do your best to use decent SPAG so that others can easily read your posts.
• Don't AS people and drag their others threads into it unless it's directly relevent.

Oh for gods sake, why does the app always delete my paragraphs?!

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings I can see the paragraphs!

You may either shop at Lidl/Aldi or M&S/Waitrose. You may not shop at anyway middle-of-the-road, such as Asda or Tesco.

This policy can be extrapolated to all areas of life, eg you may drive a 20 year old Peugeot 106 or a brand new BMW, but not a 4 year old Golf. You may live in a five bed detached house in London or a one bed high-rise housing association flat in Doncaster. Mumsnetters are only upper middle class or barely scraping by.

@OhhhPeee

You may either shop at Lidl/Aldi or M&S/Waitrose. You may not shop at anyway middle-of-the-road, such as Asda or Tesco.

This policy can be extrapolated to all areas of life, eg you may drive a 20 year old Peugeot 106 or a brand new BMW, but not a 4 year old Golf. You may live in a five bed detached house in London or a one bed high-rise housing association flat in Doncaster. Mumsnetters are only upper middle class or barely scraping by.

I must be hated. Exclusively shop at Asda and Tesco and live in a 3 bed in the SW.