Aibu about bad zoom etiquette

[Timinfuckingruislip]

Will preface this with “I know times are unusual etc etc”.

However - I always work from home (not covid related - have done so for years). And a huge majority of my meetings are conducted online.

However am starting to get a bit fed up with people deciding to do any of the following

• speak to their children throughout
• decide to answer their phone - WITHOUT muting
• wonder off

And all manner of other things you just wouldn’t do in a normal meeting

It pisses me off as meetings are taking twice as long as they need to, and while I’m happy and friendly enough to say hello to your child/dog/cat whatever at the start - it shouldn’t then interrupt.

Aibu to say that, while having a booked meeting you should be fully present?

@TimeWastingButFun hah, that’s reminded me of a meeting when one guest unexpectedly brought their child in - I got saddled with being the bad guy H&S officer as to why that wasn’t really going to fly (no childcare issues btw, he just thought it would be fun for him to come along).

Also hey @Slothfull, I feel we could be friends! 😄

I wonder where they wander to?

I get the rage at all the 'accidental' arses and willies that you hear about. To have so little communication or respect for your partner and their work, you've got your willy out in the background of their meeting would actually be a LTB moment for me

WTAF? I've never heard of this happening....how disgusting

Some of the remarks on here are very defensive. I think op has been very reasonable and colleagues should be treating zoom calls as they would a meeting within the workplace. Yes kids do make noise and it is unreasonable to expect them to be quiet just because a parent is on a call and colleagues should by now be understanding of this.

Being on a run though whilst you have a scheduled conference call is out of order, you can take your daily exercise outside of working hours, it is summer and light outside for ages.

We have a nearly 3 year old and 4 year old at home. When I am at work dh has to wfh and manage them. He takes all calls in the dining room whilst the kids are in the living room. He can still see them and they can see him. He has to set them up with either the tv, tablet or an activity for the duration of the call and makes colleagues aware that he is also looking after the two of them so may need to mute the call etc. He will arrange meetings around their lunch and snack times etc. People have so far been understanding of this as he makes an attempt to deal with his group meetings in a professional manner.

I think part of the project in my team meeting his is that my manager actually encouraged it at the beginning, saying how nice it was to see families and pets and worrying about those living alone.

You can see her getting g annoyed now but she doesn't deal with it. I have repeatedly asked Dave (not his real name) to mute but it's not really my place to address his behaviour, he winds me up when we're in the office too, he's just a bumbling arse of a man.

The difficulty is that with these circumstances many people have lost the de-lineation between work life and home life that they were previously used to, both mentally and physically. They do not have a commute to get themselves in the right headspace, and not everyone had a nice separate room they can use as a home office. People are still adjusting and setting their norms. So whilst I think employers need to be tolerant of home life crashing in sometimes (after all, work has crashed into our homes), it is easy to mute and turn the camera off for interruptions and that should be standard practise by now.

I don't think OP is suggesting you all shut your toddlers in different rooms - all they are suggesting is to use the mute button when you are dealing with them so the sound doesn'to interrupt the meeting! Sounds like common decency to be honest!

If people are on mute it’s fine - I even think it is OK to wander around even if they’re not talking, they should use headphones though which will reduce any background noise of kettle etc. If it distracts you change your zoom layout so only the person speaking is visible/big.

But yes, the second someone else comes in the room, makes noise, phone rings etc they should be on mute. I like google meets as you’re able to mute other people whereas zoom you can’t, it’s a functionality I think they should add as its so annoying having to interrupt a big meeting and say “Bob, can you go on mute?” instead of just putting Bob on mute.

I wonder where they wander to?

During particularly boring monologues I mute and do the washing up and read Mumsnet.

I think its challenging but there has to be some level of professionalism. My team are all friendly and fairly relaxed so its usual for the people with kids to let kids say hello. They do then get shooed away though. Same with pets, some of us love pets so will show a quick glimpse of dogs etc
That said once weve started meeting properly, If kids or pets make a fuss then the other partner deals with it
Also dont think that being out.and about is professional . I'll go to the shop during an NA or SMART meeting but not work. I ensure I'm sitting somewhere with nothing to distract and full attention on screen. Surely it should be treated like a proper meeting?

"Pray tell. How can I shut my two toddlers up when they bust into the room unannounced?"

Very easily with the mute button!
People shouldn't mind you walking to deal with them and might even like seeing them, but don't want to hear the whole conversation.

@WaxOnFeckOff am guessing you didn’t read any of my updates. It’s training generally so need to screen share. I really don’t mind video being off and people on mute (though think would be a bit disconcerting if everyone was video off and muted - would feel like I’m talking to an empty room

Yes, I saw later that you were doing training so probably appropriate that you are on video or screen sharing, but the participants could be just on voice only. Appreciate that you might still get issues with noise in the background.

I guess I just think that for people working for a company, there is really no need for your employer or clients to be inside your home as it were.

Tele conference is really perfectly fine for most of the encounters we need.

I think people need to know that it's OK to say no to this.

My boss offered to have video calls for our 121s and the team all said no. I get on well with my boss and team but we normally work remotely in lots of different offices anyway so no different from normal other than he'd visit from time to time for a face to face.

I understand where you're coming from OP, it's common courtesy.
I'm WFH with a toddler and at the beginning of a video meeting, I'll let them know she's in the room so if I disappear that's why. Then I go on mute and only unmute if I need to speak.

@EekThreek

"it's all about have a mutual respect for each others time - I don't want to cause a distraction and slow down meetings for my colleagues, and they know that my kids are here and probably going to interrupt at some point."

You've hit the nail on the head. It's the lack of respect for everyone else's time that is so infuriating when sally let's little josh sit on her lap, wave and expects us to coo over him. For one I'm busy and I don't have time for this, and two, even if my day isn't packed I have no interest in your kids and would rather use that 5 minutes to make a cuppa or cal my family. I respect that she is a mother and can't shut her kids away but if she needs to deal with them during a meeting she should do it in a manner than it least disruptive to everyone else possible. Same as if I get a personal call during a meeting, I either ignore it or if it's one I can't ignore for whatever reason, step out to take it so as not to interrupt everyone else.

@Timinfuckingruislip

I'm tutoring kids, so even though they have the materials I sent them, it's very hard to see what everyone is doing during the lesson, even if I have them hold stuff up to the screen, so I have minimised that kind of work. It's also hard because sometimes there is a lag in asking a question and getting a response, so I have to be more specific in saying who I am talking to and making sure everyone contributes equally.

You do have to accept people walking off to the toilet or other people coming into the background sometimes. On the plus side, I have found the parents more involved and helpful during the tutoring. A lot of other tutors I know have said how exhausting it is teaching by Zoom. Way more than usual. I do use a louder voice than usual to make sure everyone can hear me clearly. I have to constantly think about my body position and making sure everyone can see my face and hands. I feel it's a bit like walking through mud. Everything takes more effort and takes longer. It has been an interesting challenge though, but hopefully I won't have to do it for much longer.

Agreed it's very unprofessional.
However I wouldn't mind if someone's pet decides to join in

For what it's worth, I did try a meeting today with everyone muted and just unmuted the person I was specifically talking to and it worked well. It took a bit of getting used to at first, especially as there's no feature to unmute everyone simultaneously, but the attendees said it was a lot easier to hear me and follow what I was saying. I think there is a raise your hand feature they can use to get your attention too.

Set expectations, mute anyone with noise. One of the easier things from lockdown etc we can solve in my opinion