Aibu about bad zoom etiquette

[Timinfuckingruislip]

Will preface this with “I know times are unusual etc etc”.

However - I always work from home (not covid related - have done so for years). And a huge majority of my meetings are conducted online.

However am starting to get a bit fed up with people deciding to do any of the following

• speak to their children throughout
• decide to answer their phone - WITHOUT muting
• wonder off

And all manner of other things you just wouldn’t do in a normal meeting

It pisses me off as meetings are taking twice as long as they need to, and while I’m happy and friendly enough to say hello to your child/dog/cat whatever at the start - it shouldn’t then interrupt.

Aibu to say that, while having a booked meeting you should be fully present?

I love seeing my colleagues’ kids in zoom meetings! Mine are teens now and mostly nocturnal so haven’t made any appearances. But everyone is trying to work through unprecedented circumstances and quite frankly I’m just happy if my colleagues are well enough to log in - one is off sick with the after-effects of the virus and might not be back for some time. Puts a bit of toddler interruption into perspective in my opinion.

Oh, I'd love for other people's pets to join my boring Zoom calls !

Yes, I was in a fairly high level leadership meeting last week, scheduled well in advance and one woman was trying to do it whilst out walking with DC. I do understand about having children at home atm, but her DH is a SAHP and he was with them!

We've also had staff attend meetings barely dressed, obviously come in from sunbathing and people lounging on the sofa with one leg over the arm etc.

When we have our weekly team meeting everyone mutes their microphone unless they're speaking. Easily done.

Is smoking allowed? My boss has taken great offence to one colleague who is smoking during our remote meetings. Personally I can't see the harm in that. Boss' dog regularly joins our meetings, that I'm not so keen on.

The smoking one made me smile.

I’m also using Zoom for work. It does help so much when people mute their mikes when things are noisy. Obviously, I can mute their mikes, but it’s more complicated for me to keep track of who is muted and who isn’t and it’s not always obvious who is being noisy.

I also think you have to lower your expectations a lot. I am doing tutoring by Zoom and I’ve had to rework not just the way I tutor but also lower expectations about what I can and cannot get done.

I think it’s been a very sharp learning curve for everyone to try and figure all this out, so some people get how to manage this better than others.

I think you need to switch from being annoyed to feeling empathetic towards others.

Nobody signed up for this. While it may be annoying for you, imagine how stressful it must be for parents trying to work around children.

I for one don't think that children should be completely ignored at home, they are feeling uncertain too and don't need to have their parents start telling them off for doing normal everyday things like laughing as they play or running around their house to add to their feelings of uncertainty.

It is really difficult. I think @SE13Mummy's list is fantastic - for a lot of people they are not used to working from home/on video calls, PLUS have home schooling, childcare or general domestic life going on around them, so it makes for a chaotic experience. Setting some ground rules would probably be helpful for everyone.

In terms of staying on track if you're working fixed fee, I think you have to present a really clear timed agenda and explain that the meeting ends at a specific time and that's all the time available, so you're happy for people to take breaks if they need to, but the call will continue and you can't do recaps if anyone misses anything.

Having said that, a half day of training on Zoom is a LOT more gruelling than a half day in person, so if there's a chance to break it up and maybe do 90 mins one day, 90 mins the next and 60 mins the third, that might work better.

In the mid-term, it might be worth seeing if you can move to T&M while this is happening, and then you won't care how long the calls take

The best solution is to give the rules/expectation at the start. Some of the examples are just plain rude, I'd nip it in the bud early first time it happens tell the group you need everyone present so take a 10 min coffee break while rude twat does xyz then explain to rude twat what you had to do because of them. You will have to make exceptions for people looking after their kids but you can still set expectations like the mute on and maybe ask at the start what's going to be a struggle for them. It sounds like you do quite long meetings so maybe do more short breaks.

I think occasional, accidental interruptions are acceptable but unprofessionalism is not.

My cat has occasionally made an appearance but it's because she is incredibly loud when she wants a fuss and it I lock her out she throws herself against the door. I mute myself, pick her up to fuss her and try and keep her off camera. However my children are much better trained and stay out of the way if I'm on a call.

I'd love to switch the camera off but my manager is obsessed with us all seeing each other as she worries about us being lonely. I live with 3 other people and 2 cats, there is no chance of me being lonely.

@Timinfuckingruislip I feel your pain!

I think it's great that these meetings have become so informal, people in informal dress and other members of the household wandering in and out. That's the reality of working from home for a lot of people.

Have to say Teams is much, much better than Zoom. I only use Zoom for yoga.

@SE13Mummy’s list is spot on.

The OP isn’t talking about the fact that people are inevitably juggling childcare/ may have to dash off to deal with a problem/ answer an urgent call.
It’s the stuff that can easily be avoided, and quite frankly if you know you’re in a house with background noise from kids, why on earth wouldn’t you automatically mute your mic.

My meetings haven’t been too bad but we have had the occasional colleague who seems to want to engage the rest of the family in work meetings- getting the kids to wave, showing us their dog, going for a wander through the house.... it’s completely unecessary. If you have a child on hour lap, turn off your camera, simple

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Just ask people to mute. "I'm getting some background noise, can everyone go on mute please".

Or if you are the meeting host - you can mute them yourself! Say "I'm going to put everyone else on mute apart from whoever's speaking" and cut them off.

You can't control what they do, but you can control the environment for everyone else...

On the other hand if they were forced to bring their their child to a face to face meeting like they are on Zoom with no childcare atm, it would be even more disruptive.

Just mute people, let them get on the best that they can in these weird times. I’ve been working from home in a high pressured job since March 3rd, it’s fucking tough, I ignored my DC for hours yesterday to work, they had 10 hours of screen time fgs, That’s horrific, especially in this weather, they did interrupt a few times, so what? I don’t have a cellar that I can keep them bound and gagged, they need feeding and attention.

Be kind! My company advised that if customers kids, pets get in the way ask about them, I’ve waved at the kids, I suggested a five min break in the zoom call for people to get a drink/pee whilst parents sort out kids etc that’s healthier surely?

I agree with the guidelines above - can you set these out at the beginning of the session? Might be better to say them face to face as people don't always read things like that in advance...

Obviously you can be polite but just state that you appreciate that things are difficult at the moment but that if people need to take calls/speak to children that they should mute, and that people should try to remain present in the meeting, you will have breaks every 30 mins for people to get drinks/chat etc. And I would maybe extend your stated training time by an hour so that people think the meeting will be longer, and then tell them at the outset that if everyone is present and paying attention you will be able to finish earlier... that might provide a bit of impetus!

Some fab advice - thank you.
@3cats out of interest how have you changed how you tutor? Think I need to think of the same to some degree. At the moment a 3.5hr course is running above an hour over (and of course there was always wiggle room in the first place).

There’s a very happy medium between people locking their kids in the cellar and ignoring them, and getting them to wave on camera/ Allowing them to make huge amounts of noise right near you without muting/ taking them for a wee wee without muting and turning off your camera or excusing yourself for a couple of minutes!

I have no issue with a child suddenly appearing on screen/ making a sudden noise in the background if the adult then deals with it by turning off their cam/ muting their mic straight away. And if you need to change a nappy/ take a kid to the toilet, just excuse yourself from the meeting. If you needed the toilet yourself during a face to face meeting, that’s what you’d do.

Most people are great; there are just the occasional ones who seem to think we all want to see/ hear your kids/pets/new kitchen ... no, we don’t, we just want to get the meeting done with so we can sit in the sunshine

Why do the meetings have to be by zoom for a start? I'm in around 3 meetings a day, some with clients and we all manage perfectly well with tele conferences and emails.

If you don't have an office in your home to work from, I think it's intrusive and I'd be muting the vudei, never mind the audio.

I'm wfh with a 10, 5 and 2yo. The older two are pretty good at taking instructions, so if I absolutely can't be disturbed they stick to it. The 2yo is trickier obviously. The ipad is saved for the most pressing meetings as the ultimate distraction but she's unpredictable and sometimes comes looking for me.

But I go straight on mute and have a stash of pens/paper so if I have to unmute, she's mostly occupied and doesn't distract too much.

It's been working OK, it's all about have a mutual respect for each others time - I don't want to cause a distraction and slow down meetings for my colleagues, and they know that my kids are here and probably going to interrupt at some point.

They've accidentally met our MD and Head of Strategy, who were accommodating and gracious with them, hopefully because they know I'm not taking the piss and I don't let it happen every time.

Pray tell. How can I shut my two toddlers up when they bust into the room unannounced? Because I’m looking for a solution too. I fear I just got up and walked off to deal with them - that might not look professional so ....... I suppose i can hide and work in the attic.

Good god I wouldn’t be tolerating someone allowing their child to join in or any if the other horrors described on this thread! Some of you need to be more honest!

“Yeah lovely puppet show Dave but can we get back on track?”

“Yeah we don’t have time to all wave at Katie, Mike - shall we remember what this meeting is actually for?”

People need to be TOLD nobody else is interested in their kid!