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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this “let’s just move on” narrative from the government is like an abusive partner ?

87 replies

berryfull · 27/05/2020 08:47

Just listening to some government minister being interviewed on radio 4 continuing to insult everyone who has observed the lockdown by Continuing to defend Dominic Cummings For the 5th day.... and then his insistence that we should just stop caring about the government rewriting their own rules, stop caring about the government undermining the lockdown when we have such a high death rate, stop worrying about such a shower of incompetent liars being in charge when the encounter is so fucked.

Just reminded me of an abusive partner/ parent/ relationship, when people try to insist you are going mental by thinking that being treated badly matters!

IE

just stop going on about how I hit you, we need to move on and look after the kids.

Just stop talking about how your father abused you, it’ll upset everyone and we need to move on and talk about more important things!

It is important that the government are trustworthy, competent and have integrity. We cannot he governed by people who break the rules the set. It’s not a witch hunt to care about this!!!!!!

OP posts:
BlackboardMonitorVimes · 27/05/2020 08:49

YANBU I agree

Original poster
berryfull · 27/05/2020 08:55

Do they think they’ll just break the nation’s spirit? We’re all so afraid of the virus, mentally exhausted by the lockdown and in fear of whaT happens next that we don’t have the mental and emotional strength to insist that they stop treating with contempt?

OP posts:
TastyCheese · 27/05/2020 08:57

YANBU

Amboseli · 27/05/2020 08:59

YANBU

middleager · 27/05/2020 08:59

YANBU

onalongsabbatical · 27/05/2020 09:02

Makes me more determined NOT to move on. Keep up the pressure in whatever way I can, personally. I hope enough people feel like that - esp people like Keir Starmer etc who could keep the focus.
Bit worried that the news this morning has to some extent moved on. Lisa Nandy good on Sky this morning though.
In other news - not wanting to derail but fingers crossed this morning for Nazanin Zaghari Ratcliffe.

HorseChestnutTree · 27/05/2020 09:02

It is like they are gas lighting us.

He didn't break the rules
What he did wasn't against the rules because xyz
Well if other people did not realise those were the rules then that is their problem
Well if the police fined other people for breaking those rules in those circumstances then maybe we will sort out a refund because those rules were not broken
Rules were not broken
He didn't break the rules
Acted legally
Rules not broken

On & on until you feel unreasonable for mentioning it.

YANBU OP, it is brazen.

thegreenlight · 27/05/2020 09:03

We are afraid of the virus because we have been told to be. 95% of people who have died across Europe were 90 or older so not people who have children or need to go out to work. Though there have been some young ‘healthy’ people who have died, there is a far smaller proportion than SARS or swine flu. They scared you to get you to stay in as they didn’t know how the NHS would cope (currently only 12% of ventilator use in hospitals is covid patients) now they know we won’t be overwhelmed they are talking about ‘acceptable risk’ to get people to go back to work. But the damage is done. They played the nation like a fiddle but it’s more difficult to reverse than implement.

Institutkarite · 27/05/2020 09:03

@berryfull
Your thread title is fucking awful.
If you had gone for coercive control I might agree but to say it's like being in an abusive relationship is disgraceful,
It's quite clear to me that you haven't a clue about actually being in an abusive relationship.
TOTALLY INSENSITIVE. you are tone deaf.

Iwantacookie · 27/05/2020 09:05

Yanbu hopefully people will remember next election

Original poster
berryfull · 27/05/2020 09:08

Nation- it was wrong that you were a hypocrite, that you held us to standards that you didn’t uphold yourself and that you are refusing to acknowledge that.

Government- you are wrong in being so stupid that you didn’t realise the standards were flexible and you are wrong in caring about that, and that is the problem , the problem is you. If it wasn’t for you we could move forward and things would be better!

OP posts:
SachaStark · 27/05/2020 09:08

Keeps reminding me of this passage from Animal Farm:

Curiously enough, Clover had not remembered that the Fourth Commandment mentioned sheets; but as it was there on the wall, it must have done so. And Squealer, who happened to be passing at this moment, attended by two or three dogs, was able to put the whole matter in its proper perspective.

"You have heard then, comrades," he said, "that we pigs now sleep in the beds of the farmhouse? And why not? You did not suppose, surely, that there was ever a ruling against beds? A bed merely means a place to sleep in. A pile of straw in a stall is a bed, properly regarded. The rule was against sheets, which are a human invention. We have removed the sheets from the farmhouse beds, and sleep between blankets. And very comfortable beds they are too! But not more comfortable than we need, I can tell you, comrades, with all the brainwork we have to do nowadays. You would not rob us of our repose, would you, comrades? You would not have us too tired to carry out our duties? Surely none of you wishes to see Jones back?"

The animals reassured him on this point immediately, and no more was said about the pigs sleeping in the farmhouse beds. And when, some days afterwards, it was announced that from now on the pigs would get up an hour later in the mornings than the other animals, no complaint was made about that either.

Unshriven · 27/05/2020 09:11

Institutkarite coercive control is abusive.

So is gaslighting.

Original poster
berryfull · 27/05/2020 09:11

Apologies institutkarit that I’ve offended you.

But I have actually been in two abusive relationships. My father and a previous boyfriend. And yes this does remind me of both of their tactics and actions.

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 27/05/2020 09:12

Robert Jenrick. "I take my lead from the PM."

They've circled the wagons, essentially. Boris Johnson, by backing his advisor, has pushed his cabinet into a very uncomfortable place. Like an abuser clinging to power, nobody will admit anybody did anything wrong!

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/05/2020 09:15

I thought something similar, with the insistence that we "move on." They don't get to decide when we will move on!

middleager · 27/05/2020 09:15

Yy Sacha recently re-read Animal Farm and it resonates even more.

NearlyGranny · 27/05/2020 09:18

You know, it's more like an unfaithful partner, really, with the "Let's move on to more important things - why dwell on the past."

When it comes to election time, no doubt we'll all be accused of having 'trust issues'. I certainly will, but I never trusted them or any politicians in the first place.

Humphriescushion · 27/05/2020 09:22

No exactly the more they tell me to move on the more pissed i get.

lovinglife321 · 27/05/2020 09:22

Yanbu
But what's frustrating is, that's it's a relationship that we're stuck in for another four years.

knittingaddict · 27/05/2020 09:26

Yes op, I agree.

My daughter was in a controlling relationship and her ex was almost prosecuted for it, so it is certainly abusive. His behaviours and the governments are much the same. Gaslighting is inexcusable. I'm not forgetting this.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/05/2020 09:28

YANBU. They say that if a story is still going after 4 days, that's when a Gov't should worry. I sincerely hope this story goes and goes til they are forced to make the decision to remove Cummings.

If he had acknowledged, apologised and put his head down for a few weeks I honestly think we'd have accepted it. People would have been pissed off but it could have blown over. To treat us like arseholes and give a statement made of 100% bullshit and nonsense from the PM's own garden shows us his absolute disdain and over-inflated sense of self.

That our PM isn't willing - or able - to remove him speaks volumes and whilst this is awful, it's also a hugely edifying insight into the real power and control within our Government. I don't think it's going to blow over quickly at all, and I think DC and BJ massively underestimated how people might respond to this. BJ has never looked more incompetent.

PhilCornwall1 · 27/05/2020 09:28

They don't get to decide when we will move on!

In a way they do, they just do nothing further with the issue.

I can't get excited over any of it, none of it's a surprise in any way at all.

BillywigSting · 27/05/2020 09:29

I hadn't even thought of this but you are so right. It's the exact same sort of language that abusers use to gaslight.

It's actually pretty worrying, because it often works so well even on the most intelligent and with it people, but no we will not move on or drop it!

Grumpos · 27/05/2020 09:30

I felt / feel like this yes. YANBU

I said it’s basically gaslighting to my DP a few days ago before the press conference.
The constant “it’s not me who’s wrong - It’s you” is infuriating.
Even worse is that it’s not a dispute between 2 people where perhaps there are 2 sides which are equally plausible. This is a handful of people telling millions of others that they are all in fact wrong and therefore clearly idiots and it would be a waste of time to discuss any further as you’re all too stupid. The fucking arrogance.