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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did you marry/settle down with the love of your life?

81 replies

EdinburghFirstTimer · 26/05/2020 15:35

Or did you end up with someone else?

Do you have any regrets?

Are you still in touch with any ‘The One’ exes?

Do you miss sex with an amazing ex?

OP posts:

zscaler · 26/05/2020 15:47

Married the love of my life. No regrets (least of all about the sex). Can’t imagine how anyone could be better suited, or just a better person generally.

francienolan · 26/05/2020 16:07

Married the one! Honestly looking back I'm so glad I didn't end up with any of my exes. There are real reasons we all broke up.

MarieQueenofScots · 26/05/2020 16:08

No but then I don’t believe in the concept of “the one”

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 26/05/2020 16:10

I've only had two proper relationships but I feel I married 'the one' - so much so that I won't ever look for another relationship now, because nobody will measure up to my DH. I had a horrific experience with my first relationship so that tells me I have a 50% chance of attracting another violent arsehole. Don't want to risk that and would feel like I was being unfaithful to DH.

CanofCant · 26/05/2020 16:12

My life's yet to end so he might not be the love of it after all!

We are very well suited, he is very supportive of me as a person and a great partner and dad. I have 'grass is greener' moments, I think everyone does but I'm not naive enough to think there is any truth in them.

Friendsofmine · 26/05/2020 16:16

I married mine and was very happy until an external event. I never saw myself with anyone else.

However I don't believe one can only be happy with one particular person.

Are you looking outside of your relationship OP? If so be warned of grass is greener syndrome

Yearcat13 · 26/05/2020 16:22

No. My one died. But I dont believe in the one. There are lots of ones, potentially.

I settled down and live with myself. So for now I'm my one.

Lots of people I know are with the one they cant be bothered to leave because its pleasant enough and they are fearful of being alone because they've never had to nurture being alone. And it takes nurturing and unlike one ones can never be taken away.

KylieKoKo · 26/05/2020 16:24

Definitely. I didn't believe in the one til I met dp.

MyDogPatch · 26/05/2020 16:44

I didn't.
I've had two serious relationships in my life. The first partner was a liar, a cheat and a thief. I was young and impressionable and unfortunately it damaged my perspective on sex and relationships.

My second is now my husband. He's stuck around for 20 years even though he probably should have walked away 10 or 15 years ago, because I am not good at dealing with the physical side of a relationship. I can be cold and frigid. Partly to do with my upbringing, partly to do with my anxiety and introversion, partly due to the t**t who ruined my first sexual relationship. I admit I settled for my husband because he is good, and kind and a total opposite to the first man. I love him very much now, but we have had lots and lots of problems over the years. He loves me too much and is loyal to a fault.

I have met many men who I have got on fantastically well with since I've been with my husband and if I wasn't attached might have asked them out. One of them might have been a soulmate, who knows? I did settle at a very young age, and I should have "played the field" more, but I am very shy, and get anxious around new people.

If the above sounds awful, then I don't mean it to be! It's just how things have turned out.

flouncymcflouncerson · 26/05/2020 16:47

I married mine. I’d been engaged before but we split due to him cheating. I’m on my own now as my husband died a few years ago, he was 33. I hope I’m not single for the rest of my life now!

sqirrelfriends · 26/05/2020 16:50

I don't really believe in "the one" but I'm very happy that I settled down with DH. While none of my ex's were terrible, they weren't right for me and I am so glad we broke up.

One in particular I shudder at the thought of being married to. He wasn't a bad person but he was a massive mummy's boy and was never expected to do anything resembling housework.

BeebSleeve · 26/05/2020 17:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

heartsonacake · 26/05/2020 17:24

Yep, I married my childhood sweetheart We’re in our 30s now, still happily married and neither of us with any regrets.

FLOrenze · 26/05/2020 17:25

I married to please my Dad. I was 19 and my Dad was dying and he adored my partner. He said ‘he is the one, you just don’t know it yet’. We have been married 51 years.

Epigram · 26/05/2020 17:29

I've had three relationships of three years or longer (including my marriage). I'm glad I ended up with DH as I adore him and think we are very well suited. I do have fond memories of both my other serious boyfriends, but I don't think I would have been as happy with them in the long term. I don't believe in the one or soulmates though.

edwinbear · 26/05/2020 17:35

No, I didn’t. I married the safe, secure, reliable option. With a good job and similar values. We have a lovely home, 2 privately educated DC’s, he’s loyal, supports my career, does his fair share of childcare and a ‘good’ husband. But there’s no passion. I miss that.

ScrapThatThen · 26/05/2020 17:39

Yes, he's great I feel so lucky we met and hope he still feels the same.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 26/05/2020 17:43

Married Mr " Hes the first one to treat me right" in my 20s.Married the love of my life in my mid 30s

Flowersinthewild · 26/05/2020 17:46

Been single many years now, im my 30’s and have no intention of finding anyone. Also don’t believe in the ‘one’.

Best friend believes that there is a ‘one’ for everyone and Is desperately searching for him as wants to settle and have kids. I pray for her that she does find it.

Nosurveysneeded · 26/05/2020 17:50

I think that there are potentially more than one of 'the one'.

I married and lived with a good one for many years. I am now dating a good man.

Neither have felt like 'the one' but I have never been so in love that I lose myself and some people describe it.... and I odd?

Poppyismyfavourite · 26/05/2020 17:50

@FLOrenze was your dad right?

randomchap · 26/05/2020 17:53

Don't believe in "the one", neither did my late wife.

However we worked brilliantly together and were very happy.

JuneJuly · 26/05/2020 18:44

Gosh, yes. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He has his faults, as do I, but he's the only man I've truly loved & he is a loving husband. Best sex too.

I would never have settled for anything less though, would rather be on my own.

FLOrenze · 26/05/2020 19:12

@Poppyismyfavourite We have a good marriage. I worshipped my dad and he is like him in so many ways. We are both really independent and he worked away from home a lot throughout all our married life. I joke that we stayed married so long because we were apart so much. There is a lot of truth in the joke though. We haven’t always got on, but looking back, I think we were equally at fault.

His biggest quality is that he makes me feel safe. I had a wickedly awful mother and losing my Dad so young was very hard.

SorryImNotCreative · 26/05/2020 19:27

I was in a relationship at 16 with who I thought was the love of my life In hindsight I can see it was just a typical teen relationship, but I honestly believed we would get married, and I think he did too at one point!

After him, I ended up in a horrendous abusive relationship, followed by a 3 year relationship with a lad I met at uni. He was very much a ‘Nice Guy’ and mostly treated me well, but we weren’t compatible. Looking back, I clung to him because I was just desperate for someone to treat me right. I didn’t really fancy him at all.

Then I met DH, and realised what I’d been missing all those years! I don’t really believe in The One but if I did he’d be it

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