Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best age gap between children?

109 replies

EdinburghFirstTimer · 26/05/2020 15:06

What do you think the best age gap between young children is?

I’m thinking about many things: kids getting on well, recovery after labour, having your body to yourself for a while after pregnancy and bf, free nursery hours.

All things considered, personal and financial, what is the best gap?

OP posts:
Rach000 · 26/05/2020 18:58

Mine have a 2 year and 10 month gap. Works pretty well. Seems close enough to still play well together while they are still young but not too close.
When the youngest was born we kept sending the eldest to nursery 2 days a week and didnt have to pay for long until the 30 free hours started. Which helped me to get a bit of time to rest and spend time with the baby. So didn't have both to look after every day.
I would say between 2 and a half to 3 years is a good gap.

tempnamechange98765 · 26/05/2020 19:04

There's 3 years 2 months between mine, and based on the child DS1 is, I would've said less - around 2.5 years, as he was such an easy child until he started approaching 3! I do generally think 2-3 years is nice, anything less is too little ie too much hard work, and anything more there's danger they won't play together much.

Newbie1999 · 26/05/2020 19:08

4 years for us and it’s perfect.

SiaPR · 26/05/2020 19:09

Mine are 15 months apart. It was so lovely. I never understood why people recoiled at the idea of two in nappies as it is so much easier to meet their needs when their needs are so similar. My sister has a 9 year gap, that is so hard, they have nothing in common. It is expensive with childcare (and again now with university) but it is such short bursts really. They are so close and I live that they shared everything.

georgialondon · 26/05/2020 19:09

3 years

theginge · 26/05/2020 19:11

I have 22 months between my first and second and I've I've just had my third 5 years later. My oldest 2 at 5&7 are and always have been really close and it's lovely for them to have someone to play with on an equal level. My youngest is only 6 weeks old and was born during the lockdown so this is the opposite of how I had planned things!! I was looking forward to having 1:1 time with him while the others were at school - something I couldn't enjoy with a small age gap! That aside, my 7 year old girl absolutely adores having a baby brother and can really get involved so that in itself is lovely to see. They both love pushing him in the pram and cuddling him! Having done both, I don't think one is preferable over the other and I'm a firm believer that everything will naturally slot into place!

Jeleste · 26/05/2020 19:13

18 months between mine and i think its the perfect gap. They play so well together and entertain themselves for hours. They have the same interest and get along well with each others friends too.
My kids are 6 and almost 5 now though.
A few years ago my answer would have been completely different. Having a newborn together with a toddler who isnt independent yet was really hard sometimes.
Didnt help that my first was the easiest baby ever and started acting up when the baby arrived and the baby was a screeching banshee for the first months.
But it was a short time and we got through it! Now its amazing!

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 26/05/2020 19:17

I wanted 2 years but due to ttc mine are almost exactly 3 years apart. It was nice to send DC1 off for 3 hours of pre-school when I had a small baby. Mine get on very well and have always played together. The downside was not getting through nappies/potty training and breastfeeding as quickly as I would have liked! And it’s a bit annoying to have 1 in Keystage 1 and the other in Keystage 2 as regards after school clubs being different and endless Sports Days/ Christmas Plays as school divides them up. However, at least I won’t have GCSEs and A Levels at the same time!

Chocolateandamaretto · 26/05/2020 19:19

Have a 4 year gap then a 2 year gap. 4 was hard but necessary because of life circumstances at the time, and I wouldn’t do it again. They get on better now but have gone through horrific patches of really fighting each other. 2 is Much better and ideally I’d go even smaller I think. 18 months (ideally 1 school year apart) seems really nice as they can be involved in all the same stuff.

Cremebrule · 26/05/2020 19:25

2y9m gap. It was good at the newborn stage as the eldest was independent enough to watch a bit of tv, not really need a buggy and help out but their needs are quite different and that is really hard at the moment during lockdown. I think once the youngest is 2, they’ll be able to play together better. I think the bigger the gap, the easier the first year but things get logistically harder later on. I’ll have 3 school years between them and managing holiday clubs and nursery at different locations will be a pain.

If I could re-plan I’d maybe go for 2 to 21/2 years and see if it was possible to wangle 2 school years rather than 3 depending on the time of the year the eldest child fell.

StoneSourFan · 26/05/2020 19:28

I'm hoping for a 2.5-3 year gap with mine (it took us a while to conceive DD so hopefully it's not as long or a we can conceive DC no2) we're hoping for this age gap as my husband has an age limit on when we should stop ttc.
With my sister and me it's 4.5 years and we're really close!
My cousins 18 month age gap, not very close!
Do what you feel is right OP I don't think there is any right or wrong xx

Flowers2020bloom · 26/05/2020 19:35

16 months- it worked for us! Hard work but not necessarily harder - just im a different way! They are and always have been thick as thieves and so much easier to plan activities as their needs / imterests have always beem so similar! I don't regret it one bit but if I'd started younger I'd have done the same then left a few years gap and done a repeat for dc3 and dc4 but we're sticking at two

Bouledeneige · 26/05/2020 19:38

I'd say 3 years. I know it's a long way down through line but having then do A levels and GCSEs at the same time (as I did) is hard going.

wanderlove · 26/05/2020 19:42

2 years was great for me. Two girls and they get on really well and entertain each other. Could have been different as you have no guarantee they will get on. I had a year off maternity leave with number 2 and then the oldest free hours hit when I returned to work so I never got double nursery fees. I enjoyed spending my maternity leave with both kids but if you wanted more one on one with the baby then wait an extra year and the oldest will get 30 hours. As I work full time I wanted the time off with both.

laurajbean · 26/05/2020 19:42

There is 4 and a half years between my boys and I do wish we'd had them much closer together. They are currently at very different stages and struggle to play together for any length of time - lockdown has definitely highlighted this 😬 Nothing we can do about it now, hopefully their relationship will develop over time. Whatever happens people generally make it work.

kateybeth79 · 26/05/2020 19:43

2 years and 2 days between by DD and DS. This gap worked really well for us. They are now 8 and 6, and are best friends. I sometimes forget they are different ages

Fishfingersandwichplease · 26/05/2020 19:44

Would have loved to have had the choice...at one point wanted 2 year age gap but then got to a point l would have taken any age gap if meant l could have had another baby but wasn't meant to be. Very personal choice really but l think 2/3 years would be perfect.

trilbydoll · 26/05/2020 19:47

Depends how much you like babies. If dd1 had been out of nappies I would not have wanted to go back to the beginning again for dd2! I saw nappies as a big transition point, the minute dd2 was potty trained I was horrified by the thought of another baby.

We've got a 2 year gap but I think 18m would have been okay.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/05/2020 19:50

Swings and roundabouts.

My dd had only 15 months between 1 and 2 - very hard work at first.
But lovely now that they’re such good friends and play so well together.

Mumintherain · 26/05/2020 19:51

My 3 have 2 and 2 1/2 years difference. I would say that about a 2 year age gap is great for the kids as they are interested in similar things and play ( and argue) together. But it is tough on the parents having a lot of young children for a few years. I do think it’s a lot easier for the parents if you have 4/5 years between babies. And maybe you get to enjoy each baby more? But the kids don’t really play together in the same way, they are more individuals whereas mine are a unit. Ideal age gap really depends on what you want.

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo · 26/05/2020 19:55

10 years.

I'd recommend it to anyone. Lots of time with each child. I've never felt overwhelmed. Eldest is just at the age to retreat back into childhood when life gets overwhelming "ironically" enjoy all the little kid stuff and coo over clothes. Toddler by turns worships and tries to domimate the older one and we are all in stitches, it's like a chihuahua squaring up to a great Dane.

I do think logistically it's easier having them closer in age, but I have DH who pulls his weight, and the eldest is a lovely kid who understands if baby needs me.

I'm slightly concerned at what will happen when eldest goes to uni - I wonder if baby will feel lonely then, but we have a lot of friends and cousins.

Before I had no 2 I thought 10 years would be a nightmare age gap, but it has been a dream

AdultierAdult · 26/05/2020 19:55

I would love a two year age gap but I don’t think I’d enjoy the financial strain of having 2 in nursery at the same time!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 26/05/2020 19:58

5 years exactly and it's lovely. They're not in one anothers faces but they're close enough to get along. Mostly I think it depends on temperament rather than age gaps, though.

Friends of mine have done the three under three thing and whilst it's lovely it also looks far more hard work. I openly admit to being a bit too lazy for that kind of effort.

Popcat120 · 26/05/2020 20:02

There's 4 years between me and my brother And altho it may have been easier for her as my brother was in preschool when I was born, we certainly aren't that close, we get on but not close close.

My DS is 20 months now and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. There will be a 2 year 4 month gap.
I'm hoping it'll be a lovely little gap, I'm totally expecting it to be hard work the first year though!
Baby will be born in January, and DS will be entitled to 30 hours free from the September.

HavelockVetinari · 26/05/2020 20:02

@Frazzlerock of solidarity.

We wanted a 2 year gap too, but are now on our 5th round of IVF post DC1 so a gap of around 4 years is likely if at all. We'll be thrilled if we manage a second, although we'd dearly love a third too.