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Original poster

Best age gap between children?

109 replies

EdinburghFirstTimer · 26/05/2020 15:06

What do you think the best age gap between young children is?

I’m thinking about many things: kids getting on well, recovery after labour, having your body to yourself for a while after pregnancy and bf, free nursery hours.

All things considered, personal and financial, what is the best gap?

OP posts:
Raaaa · 26/05/2020 17:13

There will be 3 yrs and 1/2 years between my DD and 2nd. I was definitely not ready for another until my she was 2 years of age and it just felt right to start trying at that point. My DD is walking talking and fully potty trained and understands that she will have a sibling so I think that helps.

Just bare in mind even though it's not nice you may not fall pregnant straight away so don't get too caught up in the planning

Helena79 · 26/05/2020 17:17

2.5 years exactly. They’re really close now and the eldest was getting acquainted with potty training etc whilst the little one was tiny, so I didn’t have 2 in nappies together for too long. Eldest understood and could “help” with baby bath time etc

BeebSleeve · 26/05/2020 17:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

BeebSleeve · 26/05/2020 17:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

caringiscreepy · 26/05/2020 17:35

There's 16months between my dcs . The year ds was born was an absolute blur, incredibly hard work but now him and dd are the best of pals at 6 and 5. Lockdown has very much cemented their bond, it's lovely.

Lazypuppy · 26/05/2020 17:42

We're aiming for 4-5 years as i don't want to be at home with 2 of them. I'll be able to enjoy my maternity with just the baby as oldest will be in school.

Also giving me enough time to go up a couple of promotions in work, as althoigh we won't have nursery for eldest we will have breakfast club and after school club every day whoch probably costs the same!

Haworthia · 26/05/2020 17:43

There’s literally no such thing as the “best” age gap. Your family dynamic is your family dynamic and no one knows any different 🤷‍♀️

FabbyChix · 26/05/2020 17:43

Five years best for me

coffeechocolatecoffee · 26/05/2020 17:44

All gaps have pros and cons as you can probably see from the above comments. A smaller gap means the first couple of years with 2 are tough but then they will grow up together, have similar interests and likely share friends once a bit older.

A larger gap means you really get to enjoy the baby stage of the younger child, especially if the eldest is in nursery or school by then. However when older, finding a way to entertain them both is harder.

Whichever you go for, enjoy the positives

twinkletoedelephant · 26/05/2020 17:45

As a twin who has twins I would say 1 minute is perfect...

sestras · 26/05/2020 17:48

7 years between my children. They absolutely adore one another.

Harleyisme · 26/05/2020 17:50

I there isn't one theres 9 years between 1st and 2nd, theres 10 years between 1st and 3rd and theres 13 months between 2nd and 3rd. They all argue, find each other annoying, don't want to be near each other, love each other, have fun with each other and are there for each other in equal amounts. All 3 are very close and protective of each other and are have the type of relationship where they call each other but won't stand anyone doing the same to their siblings.

SidSparrow · 26/05/2020 17:51

There's 22 months between my two. I think in hindsight 3 years would have been better, just because it's quite difficult to communicate with DC1. I have to watch them like a hawk. DC1 is very fond of DC2 but would and could accidentally crush her or poke her eyes out. Also DD2 hasn't been the easiest of babies and I'd say that it's had a negative affect on all of us. Again, I can't really communicate to DC1 that this is all temporary and I can see her get very frustrated. If DD1 had been 3 she'd be at nursery (well probably not under current circumstances). This would have given me more one on one time with DC2 whilst DD1 was having fun at nursery. I feel both of them never get all of me which has me guilt ridden and bedgraggled most of time.

However, although it will be a hard year I do think in the long run it will be better for them - I'm hoping the smaller gap means they will be closer!

There's a great book that covers all of this. I got the audio version. It's called The Second Baby Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith

PolloDePrimavera · 26/05/2020 17:52

7 years with ours. Pros are you get to give each one attention, older one can babysit for younger one. It has made lockdown much easier as the older one is self sufficient whereas younger one has to be guided through everything. We don't do much as a family due to the age gap, they are each a bit like an only child. There's no jealousy, probably as one is a boy and one is a girl.

firstimemamma · 26/05/2020 17:56

I'd never want to do anything under 3 years because I have zero family support to hand an my ds' dad works long hours. It would be too hard. It depends on your own circumstances imo.

I'd like the age gap to be under 6 years if possible just for various reasons and I like the idea of playmates / roughly the same age.

I'm 30 and ds is 2 so I do feel like time is on my side and am happy to wait.

copperoliver · 26/05/2020 18:02

Around 3 or 4 years I'd say.
Older child at nursery ect. X

Giganticshark · 26/05/2020 18:12

For us it was 10 years. Life is easy. I haven't had the struggles my friends have had with two bonkers toddlers. There are downsides though, we definitely had time on our side

happymummy12345 · 26/05/2020 18:13

My mum had all her children 10 years apart. There's 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister, and 20 years between my sister and I.
I loved being much older as I could be much more involved. It worked for her.
Personally we won't be having another until our first is settled at school

Tumbleweed101 · 26/05/2020 18:14

Two years was the best gap between my combinations. I have had 2years (almost exact), 5.5 years, 3.5 years along with the larger gaps between oldest and youngest siblings. Biggest gap is 11 years between 1st and 4th. They barely know each other at the moment as eldest has been moved out a few years. My first two had the two year gap and have remained close.

walkingchuckydoll · 26/05/2020 18:17

Depends on the age. Two little ones close together is really busy for their parents, but after that they go to school in quick succession and if they get along then they always have a playmate of the same age at home. My brothers third child is younger than his siblings by 5 and 8 years. They just don't have anything in common because their ages are too far apart.

So I'd guess something in between could be ideal, like 2 or 3 years.

Giganticshark · 26/05/2020 18:46

There's no guarantee they'll get on

BeltaneBride · 26/05/2020 18:48

Exactly 2years (birthdays two days apart) They were okay together when little but personalities totally different so now in 20s not close.
Just have them
When suits you and don't overthink it.

Eggybreadleg · 26/05/2020 18:50

More than 18 months for optimal health outcomes but I wouldn't do 2 years because then you get GCSEs and A levels in the same year!

Grasspigeons · 26/05/2020 18:54

I think 21 years.

SilverOwl11 · 26/05/2020 18:56

There's 13 months between my son and daughter. They are 6 and 7 now and I love how close they are. However the baby and toddler years were really hard work and I ended up unwell because of it. I wouldn't change a thing though. If I was to do it again I'd probably go for a 2-3 year gap.