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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask that dsd goes home a day early?

40 replies

AnotherDilemma · 26/05/2020 10:06

Dsd is coming to visit for a week. Dh is collecting her on Sunday. The following Sunday is his birthday. He wants to take her home on Monday morning as he would like her to be here on his birthday - totally understandable, and does not want to drive on his birthday (8 hour round trip - also understandable)
However, our youngest will be returning to school on the Monday. I think this will already be stressful for him after being off so long - he’s only in reception. He will be unhappy as his big brother is not going back yet, plus obviously things are going to be quite different in terms of the school experience. I think that adding dsd going home that same day will make him more upset as we try to get ready for school plus our eldest will have to go on the 8hr round trip as I have to go to work.
Therefore I think that either dsd should go home on Saturday, or we celebrate dh birthday on Saturday and he takes her home on Sunday. I’ve said it’s up to him but the more I’ve thought about it I think that Monday would be a really bad option. Aibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

AnotherDilemma · 26/05/2020 10:06

THE TITLE SHOULD SAY DSD NOT DAD!! Sorry.

OP posts:

TitianaTitsling · 26/05/2020 10:11

Could she not go home after her goes to school, if he's going to be upset she's going at least make it positive she's there to wave him off on first day back?

cuckooplusone · 26/05/2020 10:15

I don’t think that school will be such a big deal once he is in, I think you are being unfair on your DH and DSD. As pp said, she can help with school normality etc

TitianaTitsling · 26/05/2020 10:19

After he goes to school l meant!

Herpesfreesince03 · 26/05/2020 10:20

YABU. Drive them home after dropping your dc off if you’re going to make it such a big deal

NailsNeedDoing · 26/05/2020 10:20

While I can see that it might well be a big and slightly unsettling day for one of your children, I don’t think it’s fair to upset another because of it. Especially if the deliberate upset is going to mean either your DH and dsd doing all that deriving on his birthday or it means her missing his birthday. If you frame it like it’s an exciting thing for your reception child to be going back to school and talk about how lucky they are, it really doesn’t need to be so traumatic that it upsets everyone else’s weekend.

Original poster

AnotherDilemma · 26/05/2020 10:23

Ok thanks for the reality check people. I’m probably the one most stressed out about ds going back to school. Hopefully it will be fine.

OP posts:

zscaler · 26/05/2020 10:30

I think YABU. You’re essentially deciding that it’s more important that your son has an easier first day back than your SD gets to spend her dad’s birthday with him. It’s tough on your husband and your SD, and doesn’t seem very fair.

You already know it’s going to be a tough first day back for your son, so does it really make much difference if you factor in your SD leaving on that day too? And I also think that you run the risk of your son being even more stressed if it seems like you’re making a big deal of his first day back. Kids are resilient - he’ll probably be much more relaxed about it than you think.

hippohector · 26/05/2020 10:31

In the nicest possible way, I think you are being a bit precious.
Your youngest in Reception will take his lead from you. He will not have even thought of all the things you mention, so as long as you keep talking to him in advance about what is happening and keep the whole thing positive and upbeat he will be fine.
Children are more resilient than we give them credit for and take their cues from the adults around them.

Rosebel · 26/05/2020 10:39

Actually I'm not convinced it's a,great idea to be upbeat and positive to a reception age child. They do need some preparation about how things will be. No point saying oh great you can play with your friends be with your teacher because it's going to be like that.
I do think that having his sister there won't make much difference though, especially as his brother will also be there and not going to school.

TinnedPearsForPudding · 26/05/2020 10:44

Surely you're asking for her to go "home" 2 days early? Or have I misunderstood? She's due to go home on Monday, but this might upset your son. DH doesn't want to drive 8 hrs on Sunday (birthday), so she would need to go back on Sat, which is 2 days early?
Apologies if I've misunderstood

Original poster

AnotherDilemma · 26/05/2020 11:13

@TinnedPearsForPudding it would either have been late Saturday or early Monday so really only missing Sunday so to me it felt like a day. Or he could have taken her home on Sunday but obviously doesn’t want to.

Anyway, I’ll leave it up to dh as I said originally. No upset to dsd whatever happens as he hasn’t arranged the actual day he will be taking her home yet anyway so it’s not like it would be a change of plans.

OP posts:

NailsNeedDoing · 26/05/2020 11:20

I’m probably the one most stressed out about ds going back to school. Hopefully it will be fine.

I think this happens a lot! It’s very easy for us as parents to worry more than we need to about things that our children often take in their stride. Even if the morning is slightly difficult your ds will likely be fine as soon as he’s in school, his teachers will make sure they have a nice first day back. Just keep everything positive beforehand and it will be fine. Good luck!

terrelontane · 26/05/2020 11:39

It doesn't seem fair on your eldest to have to spend 8 hours in the car if it can be avoided.

2007Millie · 26/05/2020 11:49

You're stressed over noting. YABU

HugeAckmansWife · 26/05/2020 11:58

I would downplay the return to school to. A breezy 'it going to be a little different but youll see when you get there and Miss X will explain it all' is fine. No need to terrify them with lectures about distancing and handwashing.. The school will manage the level of that that is needed in the context they know. I think if your DH and dsd leave after he goes to school it's all fine.

Original poster

AnotherDilemma · 26/05/2020 12:16

Also I just wanted to add that both dc always get upset when dsd goes home even when everything is normal! I think that was what was on my mind the most, that he’ll already be upset before returning to school has even been factored in and I was just trying to think of ways to make it a bit more relaxing for everyone.

Anyway, like I say I’ll leave the choice up to dh and just deal with it.

OP posts:

MerlinMoo · 26/05/2020 14:55

YABU and have made yourself sound like the horrible step mum (I am sure you are not). Packing the child off home early incase your child gets upset. What about your step child getting upset? Its reception your childs not flying a plane or finding a cure for bloody cancer.

MerlinMoo · 26/05/2020 14:58

Anyway if it's that bad don't send him. Send him back on the Tuesday instead. Sorted.

CaptainMerica · 26/05/2020 15:32

Or send her home on the Tuesday?

Epigram · 26/05/2020 15:35

I think you're right actually - but because of the 8-hour trip for your DC1. That seems really rough on them!

CelestialSpanking · 26/05/2020 15:36

Does it usually take you and his dad to take him to school? I know things aren’t normal right now but in experience of having small children who aren’t in the mood to go to school or nursery on any given day, the bigger the deal you make out of it the worse it is.

Basically I don’t see the need for the stepdaughter to go home a day early and miss her dad’s birthday.

Original poster

AnotherDilemma · 26/05/2020 15:42

@MerlinMoo I think that’s a bit out of order. Firstly my dsd is in her mid teens - a little more resilient than a 5 year old. Secondly as I’ve already stated, a drop off date hasn’t even been arranged yet so it’s not like we’re changing plans on her. Thirdly, actually to my 5 year old who has barely seen another child apart from his brother since March I think first day back will be a little challenging. No idea what that’s got to do with flying a plane or finding a cure for cancer....
She can’t go home on Tuesday as DH will be working.

In any event, as I have already stated, I am not going to say anything else to dh and he is free to decide what suits him and dad best.

@epigram yes I’m not thrilled about that either, especially as they can’t really stop off anywhere!

OP posts:

Spied · 26/05/2020 15:42

Take her home Monday after DD goes to school.
I was going to suggest Tuesday but possibly your ds may think he's missing out on something if he has to go to school and ds and dbro are at home.
I'd feel dreadful her going home on her dad's birthday while her brothers are spending time with him. Similarly it's a bit cruel on the Saturday.

Spied · 26/05/2020 15:43

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