To ask that dsd goes home a day early?

[AnotherDilemma]

Dsd is coming to visit for a week. Dh is collecting her on Sunday. The following Sunday is his birthday. He wants to take her home on Monday morning as he would like her to be here on his birthday - totally understandable, and does not want to drive on his birthday (8 hour round trip - also understandable)
However, our youngest will be returning to school on the Monday. I think this will already be stressful for him after being off so long - he’s only in reception. He will be unhappy as his big brother is not going back yet, plus obviously things are going to be quite different in terms of the school experience. I think that adding dsd going home that same day will make him more upset as we try to get ready for school plus our eldest will have to go on the 8hr round trip as I have to go to work.
Therefore I think that either dsd should go home on Saturday, or we celebrate dh birthday on Saturday and he takes her home on Sunday. I’ve said it’s up to him but the more I’ve thought about it I think that Monday would be a really bad option. Aibu?

[Alexindiamondarmour]

OP you’re getting a hard time here and you have every right to be worried and anxious about your DS’s first day back. My sons have returned and it has been such a worrying time for them both (6 and 8). The youngest one in particular is struggling.

I think a lot of people have forgotten that children don’t really have the ability to articulate how worried or anxious they’re feeling and there seems to be this mentality of “he’s only 5, he’ll be fine”. He’s still a person with very real worries and he’s been safely snuggled in at home with his family for weeks now and suddenly must return to school.

You’ve considered everyone’s replied and have said you’re leaving it up to your DH. I hope you stop getting a hard time here now. Good luck to your DS on his return to school.

[Rosebel]

It's OP s husband's birthday not DSD. Also I'm sure the 5 year old will cope but it's also likely to be a bit scary and different. Having his brother and sister to distract him will surely be a good thing.

[Yeahnahmum]

Yabvu. You can't ask a teen to pretend her birthday is Saturday just because you are being to precious about your 5 yo. Also, your 5yo will cope just fine. He is 5. You can explain things to him. Dont make him an excuse. Let your DH drop the kid off at school and then take his dd back to her other house.

[Bbang]

Personally I’d celebrate on the Saturday and take her home on the Sunday, it seems unreasonable for your eldest to have to sit in a car for 8 hours with limited if any breaks just so she can be there on the actual birthday. Seems easier just to have the birthday on the Saturday so everyone can enjoy.

[MorganKitten]

Take her home Monday after DD goes to school. Let her be with her dad on his birthday.

[SunshineDays2019]

You're welcome

[AnotherDilemma]

Thanks @SunshineDays2019!

[SunshineDays2019]

Bloody hell!!!!
OP posted a reasonable scenario, asking for opinion. Most replies earlier on were from normal people, OP took comments on board and said she would leave the decision with regards to taking her DSD home up to her DH. The OP is therefore also a normal person.
So why are there rude and thick people who can't be arsed to read through the relatively short thread posting crap??

[AnotherDilemma]

@seasonfinale I have already said I cannot stay at home with my other dc as I have to go to work. So eldest will be doing the 8 hour round trip with dh.

[SeasonFinale]

Even more reason she shouldn't be excluded now, during lockdown when there is so little fun to be had.

She can wave her little brother off and then they can set off. You can stay home with the older brother after dropping little one to Reception.

[AnotherDilemma]

@bridgetreilly I’ve stated several times why it actually does make a difference to my son. Sorry if he doesn’t react in the way you think he should.

I’ve also stated several times now that I’ll leave it to dh to decide. No idea what it is with this place that people keep coming on to be rude even when I’ve already said I’m leaving it.

[AnotherDilemma]

Also, I know every family is different but just to clarify we’re not a big birthday family - they’re not celebrated massively here, certainly not for the adults. It’s not a big deal. We don’t work around birthdays for dsd visits as a general rule if that makes sense.

[bridgetreilly]

YABU.

I can't see why it should make any difference at all to your son, nor do I see why you think that's more important than your DP having his daughter with him on his birthday. Get over yourself.

[CelestialSpanking]

Sorry I misunderstood my mistake

[AnotherDilemma]

@CelestialSpanking it’s nothing to do with both of us taking him to school which I’m sure wouldn’t be allowed anyway, it was just knowing that he already gets upset when dsd goes home and not wanting to add that in to what might already be a slightly fraught morning. As I’ve already said though, I’m not asking dh to do that, and hopefully ds will surprise me and be fine!

[Spied]

Ds

[Spied]

Take her home Monday after DD goes to school.
I was going to suggest Tuesday but possibly your ds may think he's missing out on something if he has to go to school and ds and dbro are at home.
I'd feel dreadful her going home on her dad's birthday while her brothers are spending time with him. Similarly it's a bit cruel on the Saturday.

[AnotherDilemma]

@MerlinMoo I think that’s a bit out of order. Firstly my dsd is in her mid teens - a little more resilient than a 5 year old. Secondly as I’ve already stated, a drop off date hasn’t even been arranged yet so it’s not like we’re changing plans on her. Thirdly, actually to my 5 year old who has barely seen another child apart from his brother since March I think first day back will be a little challenging. No idea what that’s got to do with flying a plane or finding a cure for cancer....
She can’t go home on Tuesday as DH will be working.

In any event, as I have already stated, I am not going to say anything else to dh and he is free to decide what suits him and dad best.

@epigram yes I’m not thrilled about that either, especially as they can’t really stop off anywhere!

[CelestialSpanking]

Does it usually take you and his dad to take him to school? I know things aren’t normal right now but in experience of having small children who aren’t in the mood to go to school or nursery on any given day, the bigger the deal you make out of it the worse it is.

Basically I don’t see the need for the stepdaughter to go home a day early and miss her dad’s birthday.

[Epigram]

I think you're right actually - but because of the 8-hour trip for your DC1. That seems really rough on them!

[CaptainMerica]

Or send her home on the Tuesday?

[MerlinMoo]

Anyway if it's that bad don't send him. Send him back on the Tuesday instead. Sorted.

[MerlinMoo]

YABU and have made yourself sound like the horrible step mum (I am sure you are not). Packing the child off home early incase your child gets upset. What about your step child getting upset? Its reception your childs not flying a plane or finding a cure for bloody cancer.

[AnotherDilemma]

Also I just wanted to add that both dc always get upset when dsd goes home even when everything is normal! I think that was what was on my mind the most, that he’ll already be upset before returning to school has even been factored in and I was just trying to think of ways to make it a bit more relaxing for everyone.

Anyway, like I say I’ll leave the choice up to dh and just deal with it.

[HugeAckmansWife]

I would downplay the return to school to. A breezy 'it going to be a little different but youll see when you get there and Miss X will explain it all' is fine. No need to terrify them with lectures about distancing and handwashing.. The school will manage the level of that that is needed in the context they know. I think if your DH and dsd leave after he goes to school it's all fine.