Instant dislike

[okycoky17]

I have always been able to tell instantly, i.e within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone, whether I like them or not. And those instincts have always been proved right.

On the flip side i’ve met people who have instantly either taken to me or disliked me. And what’s weird about it is you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s happened to provoke either response. AIBU to think that we all operate this sixth sense despite that old saying “never judge a book by it’s cover?” I think we all have this quick like or dislike response when I we meet someone. We might be conditioned by modern society to say we’ll reserve judgement but in truth is probably either “yeah, you’re nice,” or “I don’t trust you!”

YANBU Oh yes very true I've had it a few times one person I really had this feeling for nobody would listen to me.....I was proven right in the end!

I think we all experience instant like/dislike but I have often been proved wrong. I wonder how you know you were proved right, surely in some instances it's just been a case of confirmation bias.

Have you been 'proved' right though or do you think you've just found evidence to support your snap judgement?

Objectively, you can't determine someone's characteristics or personality traits in 30 seconds, so it's just confirmation bias surely?

I’m often wrong. Two of my closest friends are people I took an instant dislike to when I first met them

I’d say 8 times out of 10 I get either an instant like or dislike for someone. I’m usually right, although the reasons for the instant dislike have ranged from bitchy control freaks to actually very sinister. I met someone when I was late teens who I had to see most days. I avoided them as much as possible. Gave me the chills. Everyone used to say I was silly. He’s spent the last 15 years in prison for heinous historic crimes. I also trust my gut instinct, and have tight my kids to try and do the same

*taught.

I dislike autocorrect too!

I have sometimes made quick judgments about someone when meeting them for the first time which have turned out to be wrong, so now I try not to let my first impression be my last unless proven.

I think sometimes if you decide you dislike someone you will find reasons to find fault with them, which isn’t always the fairest way to treat someone. I now try and give people the benefit of the doubt, as I hope they do with me. Yes sometimes people seem like a dickhead at first and sometimes they are, but we can get things wrong. People are rarely black and white.

I bet you're very proud.

I very rarely particularly dislike someone on meeting them, they usually have to do something first. I've developed mild distaste for some selfish joggers during lockdown, but it's their actions that I dislike. I've disliked one or two lecherous males in the past, and drunks, again that's because of their actions at the time. Actually I'm really struggling to think of any scenarios where I've just taken a dislike to someone for no reason. On the converse side, I think I usually approach new people just assuming that I'll like them and takes effort on their part for me to change that opinion. I'm reasonably judgemental, it's just that I apply that judgement based on specific events, and often I might still like someone even if I don't like what they've done or aspects of their behaviour.

Does this instant judgement reflex happen to you people often? How many people do you instantly dislike?

Malcolm Gladwell's Blink is a good read on the psychology of gut instincts

It’s interpretation of dislike, I have known instantly if personalities are not compatible but not a judgement on them or me.

Instinct is really useful, but not always accurate. Humans use heuristics, a kind of rule of thumb / short cuts in thinking to guide immediate reactions or assumptions. Something like -
Sally has grey hair / old people have grey hair / Sally is old .
It doesn't always work.
I like to think I have good instincts about people, and need it in my work. Truth is I am wrong sometimes, and first impressions are not enough.

I agree with @Crikey0000

You are very proud of your instinct, and therefore unlikely to admit to yourself that you have been wrong about someone.

We often only take notice of conformation bias and reject anything that proves us wrong, so I'm not sure on that one tbh.

We act out of jealousy at times, even if we don't admit it. There could be a level of racism, sexism, classism etc going on.

It's shit when it's a manager, teacher etc unfairly stands by their 'instinct', when it's anything but instinct.

However, if a woman gets an uncomfortable feeling around a man, she has every right to act on that by staying away from him. I'm not advocating putting yourself in danger.

No. I've misjudged people before and it's taught me not to make snap judgements. That takes the maturity of accepting we've been wrong and learning from our mistakes. But anyone set in their own view as to how 'right' they always are is unlikely to be well-versed in self-reflection.

No one, despite their protestations to the contrary, is a perfect judge of character. If they were, con tricksters, swindlers, abusers in relationships, opportunist murderers etc wouldn't stand an earthly.
It's like that scenario that always plays out when someone in the neighbourhood is apprehended for committing some hideous crime. They're always coming out of the woodwork to say 'I always knew there were something off about him!'

No, you didn't.

YANBU.

It backfires on me though. If there is a sixth sense, I am disabled in it. I can't count the number of times I have really liked someone on first sight, and later discovered they were wrong 'uns. On the flip side, I once met a chap in a pub and couldn't stand him. I kept running into him, got to know him better, grudgingly decided he might be okay when there was no one else in the pub to chat to... I have been happily married to him for almost 30 years.

I try not to judge, to be honest.

You could be wrong though...and then you have blocked any possible relationship with someone. That seems a bit of a shame to me.

I think often when someone takes an instant dislike to someone it's because there's something about them that reminds them of a person they had a genuine reason to dislike, for example they wear the same style of clothes as the boss who took took credit for their work or they wear the same aftershave as their cheating ex.

Once they've decided they don't like that person then anything they do is going to seem like a good reason not to like them. It's a thought process that goes something like "Bob listens to jazz, I don't like Bob so I don't like people who listen to jazz so I don't like Bob because I don't like people who listen to jazz."

However, if a woman gets an uncomfortable feeling around a man, she has every right to act on that by staying away from him. I'm not advocating putting yourself in danger.

Completely agree with that.

I'm the opposite, I assume everybody is a good person and have ended up coming off worse because of it. I can't read people at all and miss out on whatever it is that other people see as red flags.

This happens to me but I've been proven wrong a number of times and indeed, two of my closest friends now were women I took an instant dislike in. Thankfully, I do t act on my first feelings and get to know the person. It's actually quite satisfying to realise I was wrong.

May I recommend
this book?

It's confirmation bias.

You don't remember the times you were wrong.

I don’t generally tend to make judgments about people until I’ve got to know them fairly well, but on a very few occasions I have had that 6th sense instinct to give someone a very wide birth because they gave me the chills although I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why.
One in particular was on ex neighbour years ago who did turn out to be a convicted paedophile and he went to prison again for re offending.
With the other couple of people I have never found out if my sense of unease around them was justified.