Instant dislike

[okycoky17]

I have always been able to tell instantly, i.e within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone, whether I like them or not. And those instincts have always been proved right.

On the flip side i’ve met people who have instantly either taken to me or disliked me. And what’s weird about it is you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s happened to provoke either response. AIBU to think that we all operate this sixth sense despite that old saying “never judge a book by it’s cover?” I think we all have this quick like or dislike response when I we meet someone. We might be conditioned by modern society to say we’ll reserve judgement but in truth is probably either “yeah, you’re nice,” or “I don’t trust you!”

There was this woman in the same profession that I took an instant judgy impression of. She used to attend meetings with me as we both held the same position in different organisations. Her hair annoyed me (thick plait down her back), her eyebrows annoyed me ( pencilled on) her makeup annoyed me, her prim and proper image annoyed me. Then one day I was at a conference and she was speaking. She was in introduced as Dr. and she blew me away. She spoke so well, transparently and her case studies were so good. I left the conference wanting to be like her.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

You form a subconscious impression of someone in something like 7 seconds apparently, according to some research.
It's to do with body language, appropriate eye contact, smiling, open or closed body posture.
That's why public facing roles are told to smile, not cross their arms across their body, have hands in pockets etc, as it doesn't give the right impression straight off.
Of course it's not an absolute, the person you just met could be having a bad day, or a bad moment and caught unawares.

I take an instant dislike to everybody.

It saves time

Not with everyone, but from time to time I get a really bad feeling about someone straight away. I've been proved right a couple of times and others I haven't had a specific follow up but have stayed away from them.

I don’t think making snap judgments about people is something to boast about or be proud of.

Perhaps the day you’ve met someone they’ve had something horrific happen to them or just having a bad time in general - or even just an off day/stress or worry that makes them a bit off when meeting someone. It doesn’t mean they are a bed person or terrible friend? I like to give the benefit of the doubt to people and if they turn out to be bad/horrible people then I’ll make sure I have little to do with them.

Perhaps you’ve been proved right because your negative attitude during a first meeting has clouded how you see the person, or you’ve just decided not to like them due to your superior attitude?

However, if a woman gets an uncomfortable feeling around a man, she has every right to act on that by staying away from him. I'm not advocating putting yourself in danger.

Completely agreed on this. It's one thing making a private assumption in your head as to whether someone is a dick or not, or that it's simply the case that two personalities don't gel. But if someone sends you immediate danger signals it's wise to act on that gut instinct. The consequences of being proven wrong are small fry compared with the possibility of the reverse.

That just makes you sound as if you never change your mind which is not a good thing, OP!

People have often in my life taken an instant dislike to me.
I have aspergers.

So OP- do you feel that the people who took an instant dislike you you were also right? that they couldn't trust YOU?

Or is it only your instinct that is correct?

I can honestly say that 90% of the time I am wrong. Which means if I go against my natural instinct, and chose to think they are lovely/awful, I am right.
But the other 10% of the time when I am actually right, then I think they must actually be lovely/horrid and when it rurns out I was right first time and they are nice/awful, I kick myself for being so jugdemental.

Hope that is all clear

I've disliked people but then been proved wrong although this is usually rare.

I don't get the instant like or dislike very often, but the times I've talked myself out of the instant dislike I've really regretted it. They've turned out to be actively harmful people.
I've met people who have obviously taken an instant dislike to me and haven't been able to hide it. I have no idea what triggers it, I think its most often a look or mannerism that brings back negative memories.

Oh yes.

I had this with one girl who was in my friendship circle. No reason. She just gave me this feeling. I honestly tried, but was 100% right in the end about her!

I have aspergers and don’t always make the best first impression. I get anxious around new people and either come off a bit aloof or I overcompensate and practically bring out prop-based comedy

I promise I’m very nice if you stick with me!

I have found that those that make snap judgements about others hate it when others do the same about them.

Either you have exceptional abilities to sum up someone's true character, even when you happen to meet them for the first time when they're bereaved, or in pain, or just having a really crap day....or you're one of those tedious people who can't ever admit they are wrong.

One of these options is more likely than the other.

it's not called "gut instinct" for nothing. I can recall no times ever I was wrong, 3 times I tried to talk myself out of it and twice it was bang on.

its not a judgement, its a feeling. I once had it loud and clear...a voice saying " no" , charming, erudite man. By God, I was right.

I think it’s odd that you come across people you instantly dislike so often than you’ve created this theory of a 6th sense... maybe you’re just a bit hard to please and too intent on not liking others? I can only think of one person I would say I actively dislike - the rest I like or am just simply ambivalent towards.

I wonder how much of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy? Like if you instantly dislike someone, I wonder if it alters your behaviour (even subconsciously) so that they pick up on your dislike and react badly to you as a result? Whereas the people you think you like pick up on your positive feelings and react well to that.

I have a thread going from the other side of this experience!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3914096-Have-you-ever-had-someone-take-an-instant-dislike-to-you-for-no-obvious-reason

Nope.

Many of the people I've disliked on sight have turned out to be excellent friends - one now of over 25 years standing.

Plus I've liked people on sight (men) who have hurt and abused me.

So, yeah. Nope.

To quote a Mumsnetter from some years ago:

"Follow your gut, embrace your prejudices."

My DS has AS, too. And he already had his fair (well un-fair) share of this.

on a very few occasions I have had that 6th sense instinct to give someone a very wide berth because they gave me the chills

It's weird, isn't it? I've had that feeling a couple of times, very suddenly and powerfully, on first meeting someone. I was disgusted with myself, because it felt like some sort of prejudice -- though not racial or anything obvious, as they were the same sort of background as me and had nothing unusual about them in any way.

I was ashamed of feeling that irrational revulsion, so I made a point of being extra hospitable and helpful. Each one turned out to be malicious beyond belief, causing an inordinate amount of disruption and unhappiness in my life. Can't believe I ignored that powerful warning not once but twice. Never again.