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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

982 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 01:53

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

OP posts:
SionnachGlic · 15/06/2020 22:25

Yah👏👏👏

Well done OP, I am delighted for you. Please don't doubt yourself now. As an earlier poster said, if he does manage to get off without a conviction then he still keeps his job & you won't have to be concerned about him from that point of view & there will be maintenance available for your children. If he is convicted...well he did it! No one who cares about you & has any insight into your relationship will need you to justify leaving.

Keep going OP....don't lose courage now....you won't know yourself in a short few months 🌷

HazelBite · 15/06/2020 22:29

I've not commented on this thread before as others have offered relevant advice and support, but I have been following and willing the OP on.
Congratulations Op on finding the house onwards and upwards Flowers

Newschapter · 15/06/2020 22:34

I've been following but not commenting, but I wanted to say I am delighted you've secured a new house!

You're doing the right thing Flowers

Tavimama · 15/06/2020 23:55

So very pleased for you. It's going to feel pretty daunting between then and now, especially if he stays off the booze. You not only CAN do this, but you owe it to yourself, your kids, and even him, to actually follow through. Thinking of you 💐

forrestgreen · 16/06/2020 09:03

If a friend said to you:
I don't love my husband anymore or
My husband drives too much or
My husband isn't good to us or
My husband does coke
My husband was drink driving

Would any of these reasons make you think badly of her. Surely, as a friend you'd just accept she wanted out and support her. Good luck.

Keep an eye on Facebook pages for cheap household items, you can always replace when you're sorted.

forrestgreen · 16/06/2020 09:03

Grr. Drinks too much

Yolosodoit · 16/06/2020 10:44

Keep going OP Flowers

BrightYellowDaffodil · 16/06/2020 10:46

Congratulations on your house - onwards and upwards!

Sarah75Lou · 16/06/2020 10:59

Brilliant news on the house, onwards and upwards xxx

BendyLikeBeckham · 16/06/2020 13:06

OP. I've RTWT and i think you are awesome. That feeling of peace, autonomy and not having his moods and behaviour to deal with everyday is priceless. You will realise how much energy you used to spend all day thinking of him and his needs, how to placate him, avoid arguments, tiptoe round him, etc and you will sadly realise how the kids inevitably learned to do this too.

You also don't need to justify leaving to anyone. He doesn't make me happy is a good catchall, or we weren't good together, or simply I just want to be on my own with the kids. But mainly, whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant and don't feel you need to explain.

His lack of responsibility is what is getting me. He thinks you should pay his fine, and the rent arrears, and for his coke and drink habit, and most of the household expenses? Fuck that. And he thinks he is going to get away with it in court and in his marriage. Stupid stupid man. He hasn't cured himself of his alcohol dependency, because he hasn't hit rock-bottom yet. He will go back to it, and like other PP I strongly suspect he has been drinking the whole past 3 weeks. Otherwise he couldn't have maintained this chipper exterior. He isn't doing any work on himself, and he won't change. He is lying to both himself and to you.

Hope you get out on 1st July and if you have any more wobbles, because you will as you are a good person and he will make you feel guilty, them post here and the amazing PP on this thread will set you right.

You may be able to tell that I speak from experience.

BendyLikeBeckham · 16/06/2020 13:31

Also have you done the online Freedom Programme yet? I cannot recommend this strongly enough. It will open your eyes to the fact that you are truly in an abusive relationship. Quite aside from any criminal case and its consequences, just all the rest.

LouiseTrees · 16/06/2020 13:32

Oh my goodness I’ve missed so much of this thread. Congrats OP in getting out of there!

FourDecades · 16/06/2020 14:02

Why did YOU have to phone the solicitor?

It's not your mess to sort out! Just shows he isn't taking responsibility for him.

Also had he really not had a drink for 23 days.... alcoholics can be sly with their drinking

MustGetOutofBed · 16/06/2020 14:17

OP, so delighted to hear your news. Best of luck with the move, lots of good days ahead!Flowers

Inkpaperstars · 17/06/2020 05:15

So pleased you have found somewhere! You have done so well Flowers

Don't worry about what anyone thinks, it doesn't matter...this is for you and the kids. You don't need to justify your decision. I bet they will all understand though...so far your friend and boss have been so supportive, they obviously can see the truth. The fact he is trying to get off on a technicality doesn't make him look better!

Onwards, upwards! Stay strong and keep us posted x

Marmalady75 · 17/06/2020 07:05

Stay strong OP. You have made it this far - only a couple of weeks to go and your whole life will change for the better.

rainbowstardrops · 17/06/2020 08:06

Great news! I hope everything goes smoothly

fixyourgardengate · 17/06/2020 08:58

Well done OP.

Stay strong, leaving is absolutely the right thing to do.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 17/06/2020 17:32

wonderful news OP. I am so glad you are getting out. This 'lull' is literally the calm before the storm. The storm you have lived in, become so used to that you don't really react when the waves wash right over you and take your feet out from under you.

You can do this. Almost there. We are all here supporting you.

pickingdaisies · 18/06/2020 11:34

OP, wonderful news, don't forget to breathe, you can do this now!

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 19/06/2020 18:53

Thank you all so much for posting in this thread - I absolutely can't do it without you all ! All is fine - weird lull as PP have said , but unfortunately I can't get the keys to the be place until 8th July now. Which means I will have to do it on our wedding anniversary which is also my wonderful mother in law's birthday .Sad what do I do ? I can't go any later as youngest dS birthday is 14th but I also don't want to be carrying on this masquerade for an anniversary when i know I am leaving !! Feels completely crap either way I know there is never a good time but what do I do ? Leave on the 9th , create merry hell and hope things settle enough for DS birthday or keep up the pretence til when it's all over and move on 17th , faking everything till then then feeling more terrible ? What would you all do ? X x

OP posts:
billy1966 · 19/06/2020 19:07

Move the minute you can.

He destroyed your marriage.
It's over.
Well done for staying strong.

As a father, husband and man, he is a disgraceful mess of no accountability.

You owe him absolutely nothing.

Well done.Flowers

RandomMess · 19/06/2020 20:06

Just go on the 8th!!!

Don't worry about anniversaries and MIL Birthday, I think it's worse to play happily married on the 8th and move on the 9th!!! Definitely do not wait until after 14th 😳

Holothane · 19/06/2020 20:11

Go 0n the th your life is more important than an anniversary wrapped around him.

istheresomethingishouldknow · 19/06/2020 20:36

Go on the 8th.