Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

It is actually no one's business why you're leaving unless you choose to make it so. You can say as little as you like about it - "it was not what you think" - to as much as you want. Find a short sharp sentence that you're happy with, in idle moments imagine saying it to people. When the time comes it'll pop out easily.

You'll find support from surprising quarters too, I bet.

You don't want to be there, you don't HAVE to be. Try not to waste energy and emotion on trying to justify it to yourself.

Eat properly! You can't function decently without good nourishment.

Alcoholism progresses. He isn't drinking right now but he isn't sober.

If he escapes this consequence he'll be self justifying again and back to old compulsions fo drink soon. It's the nature of the condition unless he actively pursues recovery.

Read up on the al-anon website or call them if you can. They will encourage you to make your own choices for you.

You can always tell people he was charged with drink driving if you feel you need a reason. But that's up to you. That would be a fact, not a false accusation. You can explain a form wasn't signed so it won't be in court. People have heard of that.

You don't have to justify it. to anyone.

In fact, look at it this way: it will be easier for him to be on his own if he keeps his license and his job, so you won't have to feel sorry for him at all now.

Go, go, go. You deserve to be happy, too.

Hi everyone ! I have just found out I have successfully secured the house!! And promptly shat myself!!!!!!keys on 1st July, moving in Friday 3rd. I am so so knotted up - i actually cannot think straight enough to make a list and I am a very list-y person I have so so much to organise and think about I quite simply don't know where to start! Oh my - ....I just don't know what to say ! Am currently in bathroom trying to calm down as I have to act normal but

Fwiw it's not the best to house in the best area but it will be our home and I was not too sure of numbers so it's relatively cheap which is great x

Congratulations! Look forward to your unencumbered future. X

Congratulations OP I am thrilled and completely salute you for your determination and strength. You've got this. If you are able to seek therapeutic support throughout this time I think that it will be hugely beneficial to for the ups and the downs. Your a huge inspiration. Do hold onto that and reread the thread in times of doubt. 💐🎉

Best time to go now.
Not going to happen though, is it?

Congrats on the house

Well done OP. Lots of luck in your new home.

Fantastic news, OP! I'm chuffed to bits for you.

Now you've got a date, you can start planning, having a clear out, move money into your own account if you need to and so on. Remember to get your name off any utility accounts, council tax, that sort of thing.

Less than 4 weeks till you start your new life, and leave all this worry and aggravation behind.

Congratulations!

That's great news! Happy for you!

WooHoo OP!! 🥳

Now comes the countdown to moving day. There's some good advice on separating your finances from LakieLady plus remember to claim your 25% council tax reduction from your local council once you've moved. Go online and get your personal post redirected to your new home ONCE you've ensured utilities incl broadband etc are no longer in your name. I think redirected mail needs a 7 day notice but do check on the Post Office website. Also look at what benefits you may be able to claim. Www.turn2us.org.uk or www.entitledto.co.uk or gov.uk.

Now comes the countdown to moving day. There's some good advice on separating your finances from LakieLady plus remember to claim your 25% council tax reduction from your local council once you've moved. Go online and get your personal post redirected to your new home ONCE you've ensured utilities incl broadband etc are no longer in your name. I think redirected mail needs a 7 day notice but do check on the Post Office website. Also look at what benefits you may be able to claim. Www.turn2us.org.uk or www.entitledto.co.uk or gov.uk benefits calculators sites. Give yourself time to check what information you'll need to provide as some of that may be your husband's details.

Meantime get some of your important documents (eg passports, birth and marriage certificates, tax documents (Payslips, P45, P60) out and in a safe place.

Fingers crossed for you - and a great step in the right direction. 🌹

Ah I'm so happy for you!

Do. Not. Bend.

The fact he's buzzing about potentially keeping his license just shows what an utter prick he is. So selfish.

Not sobbing relieved or torn as he feels bad. Just elated he can keep doing whatever he wants. Remember how selfish that is.

You're moving in July - by next summer you'll have a lovely, calm, normal family life with the kids in a home full of laughter and fun!

You can have this Christmas without worrying about him getting pissed and ruining it for everyone.

It will be HIS responsibility as much as yours to coparent healthily with the kids' best interests at heart. Don't do all the heavy lifting and don't let him guilt trip you. This is a situation totally of his own doing.

I'm so excited for you

Wow OP, fantastic news! How exciting.

I know it's daunting, but you and your kids will be so happy in your new place. You will have a great Christmas, just wait and see

Brilliant news! Lists can wait till tomorrow, try to relax this evening. And sleeping on it should set you up to begin in the morning.

Brilliant news!! Hooray, how exciting!

Photocopy his payslips and other financial info, including any statements relating to a pension and savings.

Take deep breaths - in through your mouth (count to 3), out through your nose (count to 5). Do that a few times and you will amazingly be able to think a bit more clearly.

Congratulations and good luck.

Just read the full 33 pages. So pleased for you.

That's fantastic news, congratulations! I've been willing you on from that first post and now it's going to happen!

Walk away, weather the storm of the divorce and let him go on his drink-sodden merry way. You won't believe the sense of peace that comes with having an addict removed from your life, it's mind-altering. In a good way.

Oh hooray!!! I'll bet your feet still aren't touching the ground.

Lists can wait til tomorrow. Today just relax and enjoy the feeling of imminent freedom!

Oh that has made my year so thrilled for you, now secretly get ducks together, wash clothes then put into bags liners if have too, if he says anything, your sorting a clear out as things are old ect.💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💯🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Well done, that's great news even if it is all a bit scary just now. You are so doing the right thing by making a fabulous new life for you and your children

Oh my word did not even think about Christmas !! Was so upset last year as we had a nice day then as soon as the kids went to bed on Christmas day he went to the pub . I felt so hurt and cross. No more of that thanks everyone - great advice and reassurance xx lots of love - off to try to sleep now ! X

Christmas after you leave an absolute mood Hoover is so good!

And so are special occasions - imagine going to a birthday or wedding and just relaxing watching the kids playing together and everyone laughing and just relaxing and the sun on your face and laughing without thinking about him making too many trips to the bar or getting arsey. BLISS! How good will that be?!

I'm excited for you x