Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

Keep on, keeping on💐

Morning lovely people xx thank you so much for all your posts - I am at work now and have read through them all - thank you . I wish I could reply to each one but thank you Bimblepops that gives me a good idea of time lines , thank you all for financial tips x I have just this morning applied for my third property and should hear over next couple of days - will let you know ! But am all tangled up inside re finances whilst doing application . I have offers from people to lend me whatever I need but what do people think regarding my current landlord ? We currently are in arrears (agreed because of covid 19) of 1500 pounds , this month if I haven't gone it returns to normal rate of 1000 per month. In respect of the debt , and the notice , o suspect I will be liable for half which would be in 1000. Should I borrow this money also on top of what I am going to have to borrow for a deposit in order to give to the LL when I give notice ? I want to be accountable for this debt - he has been generally a good landlord and will not at all be expecting this. Any suggestions would be greatly received xx

I guess you’ve got to do what makes you comfortable but my view is that your willingness to follow the rules of good behaviour have been exploited by your partner, he does what he likes.

The landlord’s a friend of your partner and is being really understanding I know, but I think I’d be more worried about your own future. I’d let him sort it out afterwards, he’s going to need to stand on his own two feet. He’s been relying on you so much to keep things on track.

When you are going you will need to tell him that DH from then on will be paying rent. If you have enough to clear your debt due to him, then do. Otherwise just explain that you are aware there are arrears & you will pay in X many weeks as you hsve needed deposit. How can DH spend £200 on a tv (that you don't need) when rent is owed... it beggars belief really. You'll be so much better off when the only financial dealings you have with DH is the maintenance he will be required to pay for your children. You won't know yourself OP when you finally have control over your own money without him. Fingers xd on the house.

Sort your own self out first, then worry about any landlord arrearage. Personally, I'd be tempted to tell the LL that DH will pay it.

Your first priority is to 'get gone'. Anything else needs to take a back seat.

Sort your own self out first, then worry about any landlord arrearage. Personally, I'd be tempted to tell the LL that DH will pay it.

Your first priority is to 'get gone'. Anything else needs to take a back seat.
This ^^.

Also I can't see in your earlier posts - who's name is on the lease for where you are currently living? If just his I'd leave it for him to deal with. Your DP/DH May need to sell his car to cover the debts.

Fingers crossed you get a property very very soon - this all sounds so stressful. But at least you do have offers of help both emotionally and financially to help you along. 🌹

The landlord will allow you to pay the arrears in small monthly repayments especially if you explain. Also if you leave the property you can sign the tenancy over to your ex and get your name off the tenancy (if you can find a way to do this without him kicking off then you won’t be liable for the debt)

Ok thank you all so much for your replies - I have thought a lot about everything and again it comes back to when I have successfully applied for a property to move to I will then know dates and how much the outstanding amount will be. And make a decision then . Thank you all so much for the practical advice.

I love watching your posts OP. I know that sounds weird as it’s so rough for you right now, but I think you’re actually quite an inspiration to other women.

Go you xxx

IRachie thank you so so much that's so nice of you x don't feel it today to be fair but thank you for posting ! X I was not successful with the house application Keep on going on as a PP said

That's a shame your search isn't over yet, but just keep at it, something will turn up. Just keep on keeping on until it does x

Remember you can call the al-anon helpline anytime for a chat, open 7 days a week 10-10 and totally confidential. Answered by people who will really understand how complex this all is and how much it affects the whole family.

0800 0086 811

Any luck yet?

Hi Tracyon ! No the last application was unsuccessful and my lovely boss stepped in and used her small business contacts to ask a local letting agent to give me first refusal on properties if they are the acting agent - which , good to her word to she called me this morning but the property is literally 4 doors up from DH dealer/friend. What are the chances !? But am feeling more hopeful that I might find somewhere very soon 😬 thank you so much for asking xx

That was unfortunate....the next property might be just right. That was great that your Boss vouched for you with the agent. Fingers xd OP. On another note...your DH has a dealer...so it is not just the odd time or whatever.

And whatever happened with the tv...?!

sionnachGlic - yes got everything crossed xx the guy is DH mate who is also where he gets/used to get his stuff from . As in , we got him a birthday card but I hardly ever had any dealings with him . But I couldn't possibly go there as it's a small cup Dr sac and this first thing he would do is pick up the phone and message DH the TV order had stood - I asked him a couple of times to cancel it but I gave up as it's just not a fight I want to pick right now as things are quite peaceful , he still isn't drinking and things feel relatively normal. Which I am happy to - calm before the storm . Thank you xx

You're right to pick your battles carefully, OP, there's no point in risking things coming to a head again when you're planning to leave. Your boss sounds amazingly kind!

The right house will come along, I'm sure of it. And I'm in awe of your strength and resilience. Just hold tight for now, and go after every property that's not actually a wreck.

Hi @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme just read your thread and sending you some ❤ I think you have done amazing holding it all together.It must be so hard but I think you know yourself that you and the kids will be happier on it own. It seems to me ur DH just wont accept his actions are wrong, and can't see how he's hurt you, or put the kids in danger etc. I hope a new place turns up soon, stay strong and take care , you got this girl 💐 xx

Hi OP,

How are you doing? Is he getting a bit twitchy as his Court date gets closer or is he still as confident that he might manage to wriggle himself a good deal ? Has he told his work or what is the position with that? How are your kids?? I think you said earlier on that you told your kids your plan (?), are they talking about it to you at all, still on board & wanting change?

I hope the house comes soon for you OP & you get away. He might not be so easy to live with (not that he is easy!) if the outcome of his case is not as he expects....

How’s it going I keep hoping your ok 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

Hi everyone x am ok thank you for both for asking . Well I am ok but feel mixed up. Am waiting to hear back from an application on a house - should hear in next 24hrs. Am mixed up because DH is still alcohol free 23 days on. We just found out today his court case has been adjourned until 29th July. And he asked me to ring a solicitor. The solicitor asked to speak to him , they were on the phone for half an hour - the solicitor said it sounds like they could get him off on a technicality as there are no signature s on paperwork and the machine protocol wasn't followed. So DH is now going to plead not guilty and use the 600 quid he has left to pay the solicitor - he is buzzing that he might be able to keep his licence. My heart has sank I have to be honest .

I feel like the wind is out of my sails. I thought this was my chance to go now I feel like I can't justify it . Not to myself but to the inevitable judgement of others. It all just reinforces his untouchability.

You don't have to justify leaving to anyone. If you believe that you have good reason to leave (and you do) then that's all there is to it.

"Inevitable judgement"? Remember 'them that minds don't matter and them that matters don't mind'. People who have your best interests at heart will listen and not judge. The rest? Fuck 'em.

You can leave because he's an alcohol and drug addict and you cannot tolerate it anymore.

KOKO

I really don't think this is going to change how anyone else sees it. They surely will still see him as the despicable loser that he is regardless of whether the paperwork was completed properly on this occasion or not? Drink driving is a very emotive subject for a lot of people.