Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

Sorry just saw your last update. It might be worth him looking at going to AA, it sounds like his drinking has become an issue in your lives, once that happens people need help, he clearly isn’t just having the odd drink on the odd night. Considering how far over he was and the previous it would be good to present in court as a recovering alcoholic just in case you get a judge in the mood to give a custodial.

My question....

He went out for "wine" at 9pm and the police called you at 2am?

Was you not worried about him before that?

Why did the police realise him at 5am in the morning? With a court date?

Weird....

And you have nice coppers round your way to take a drunk driver home....

He deserves to lose his licence and his job.

Sorry, OP. I know you've got some tough decisions to make, but please do remember you need to take care of yourself and your children first as a priority. Emotionally, physically and financially. If that means he needs to go, then he needs to go. It will be entirely on him and his choices, not you. Sounds like it's been a long time coming.

Suggest he go and stay with his mum for a while, while you sort your head out; tell him you need space as right now you can't even look at him, and you don't want him around while you deal with your anger and despair.

You do need space to think about this, so you're telling the truth. Give yourself a month or so before you start making decisions. You need him out of the way for the moment.

You have to comeback to this thread.

@JustStayHome they're not exactly going to let a half-cut drunk walk home during lockdown are they

.

Personally, I wouldn’t leave over this. If the rest of the marriage is fine.
He needs to stop drinking full stop though. That would be non negotiable.

Stupid man.
He doesn't deserve you, OP, and you don't deserve to be put through this.
Also the shame is ALL HIS, none of it pertains to you at all. Be brave enough to tell people what happened and why, if it comes out - why should you hide it?
Remember too that, if he is an alcoholic, that's all on him too.
You did not cause it, you cannot cure it and you cannot change him - HE has to want to do it.

I feel for you I remember the worry when my ex went on benders the worry is horrific, hugs masses of them

Personally, I wouldn’t leave over this. If the rest of the marriage is fine

A cursory read of the OP's posts would show that it isn't

Was you not worried about him before that?

Have you read the thread?

@JustStayHome The police have bailed him to attend magistrates court next month. Entirely usual practice.

Think we are all thankful your dick of a husband didn't kill one of our kids or relatives. I hope he looses his job he needs a huge wake up call. Utter moron.

Just wanted to send you good wishes OP.

He shouldnt be anywhere near his car OP, how did he think that he could drive today?

Because he's a moron. That why he thought he could jump in his car today. That's why he drinks and drives. It's fine though because he hasnt hit anyone yet 🙄

@juststayhome perfectly usual protocol to release someone on bail with a court date for Drink Driving, nothing new or nice.

Because he's a moron. That why he thought he could jump in his car today. That's why he drinks and drives. It's fine though because he hasnt hit anyone yet

Quite MerlinMoo. When people expressed surprise that he'd gone to get the car, there was a pile-on of posters pointing out that he was probably no longer over the limit, that he wouldn't be banned from driving til he was convicted etc. They seemed entirely happy with him driving while grossly hungover and having 'slept' in a police cell.

MN seems to have a completely fucked up morality sometimes:

Looks at porn: LTB
Doesn't pull his weight at home: LTB
Blithely drives around twice the limit on multiple occasions, threatening others' life and limb: aww hun, what a silly mistake. It's not great but at least he didn't kill or maim anyone, so no harm done! You need to let him stew for a few days so he can see how cross you are.

Completely and utterly screwed.

OP, as I've said upthread, I'm not usually in the 'LTB' club. But unless you can be completely sure he's not going to drink-drive with the kids in the car, i'd be getting as far away from him as possible.

This is the other thread, I immediately thought of it when people started saying they were having deja vu!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3765369-My-husband-is-missing?pg=1

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

Someone above linked to it, but I'm going to mention it again. Please contact your local branch of Al Anon. It's a group specifically for families of alcoholics and they can be invaluable in offering RL support.

Also, do you think it might be beneficial if your not-so-DH can go elsewhere for a week or two? Not sure that's possible with the lockdown, but I think it might help you to catch your breath and think about the future if you can just get him gone for a bit.

Hang on - so he got a fine and a driving ban at the end of December 2019 and he’s been driving since then? How long was the ban for?

Sorry if I’m muddled

It'll be a minimum of a years ban.

Yeah, this does seem to happen with a degree of regularity on here.