Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

I'm pleased another drink driver is off the road and hope they throw the book at him. He deserves all the consequences, including losing his job, that are coming to him.

But also sorry he is putting you and your dc through this OP. Let him tell your dc and your families the consequences of what he has done to his family.

Great post @SkinSkin, I have a close family member who is an alcoholic and SkinSkin’s advice is spot on.

Hugs

Sending sympathy and strength, OP. I hope you are able to get a little solitude to think through what your options are.

I am so sorry the idiot is putting you though this.

Did you ring the station and confirm they had him

@RosieLancs, try reading TFT.

I hope the break helps to give you perspective to make the right decisions for you about your family's future

Awww OP, I don't have anything to add advice wise, aside from the odd lunatic on here I think you've had some amazing advice and support. Please don't be ashamed, he should be very ashamed of himself but you have done nothing wrong at all, and also it sounds like your teenage son is a little diamond too, have a relaxing day, watch some movies and eat some snacks with the kids, and let your husband feel sorry for himself in a different room, you don't need to make any decisions today ❤️

Good luck @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

You're in a very hard place I know but I hope you can find a way to move forward

• Did you ring the station and confirm they had him and that the PC who rung you was genuine? The may not be able to tell you why he was arrested but they can tell you whether their station called you.*

Read the thread, she did that and it was confirmed.

He’ll have a court appearance then be handed a 12-18 month ban. As a pp says, he can drive til then. Regardless of his current reading, he probably feels shit, not the best state of mind/physical state to be driving.

OP

If you've ever seen any of my posts on threads like these you could guess what my advice would be - but right now, I'll simply suggest that now, while he is in his 'apologetic and teary so that I can get back onside' phase, you tell him that if he is sorry, then he will move out for now to give you the space you need.

And then see how you do without him.

I guess he would probably refuse, and wheedle, and try every trick in the book to make sure that 'being sorry' doesn't mean having to do anything which upsets his comfy, looked-after life. If so, it should be clearer than ever to you that he cares about number 1 and number 1 only, and will continue to drag you and your children down.

It’s always the way with long threads, it can be 15/16 pages long and some posters think they are the first person to say “have you rang the station?”

Because of course, no one will have suggested that in the 16 previous pages.

You don’t even need to read every posts just highlight the op’s and read them.

So sorry he is making an already stressful time much worse, glad you are thinking on what happens next but whatever you decide their is no rush.
I have not read your other threads but if this was my husband I would ask him to move out for a week or so, see how I felt and if I was more relaxed without him.
If this is a glimpse of your life then do you really want to waste more years being with a man that doesn't put you first?

then be handed a 12-18 month ban

17-22 months given the reported breath test reading.

You don't even have to that: you could probably surmise that there's not much to be said that's original after nigh on 400 posts.

Sounds genuine to me, but if there is any doubt about the drink-driving he'll have the paperwork to back it up.

I’m just wondering what he’s got to say regarding why the hell he got in that car?

You've posted a lot of threads about your husband. That's not normal, you deserve to be happy and him using you as therapy/mummy/shag isn't going to. Get rid of the loser and live your life.

Compelled to post just to add my heartfelt sympathies to the OP after a very long hard night, and to wish her and her family all the best in the coming days and decisions. I hope you continue to get wise advice and support here from the many kind and empathetic Mumsnetters here.

And, without wishing to give them additional airspace, but to echo remarks of previous posters, I do feel that the attention-seeking, combative and entirely unhelpful posts by @Chinchinatti through the OPs dark night were disgraceful. I really don't know what you were thinking.

So sorry op
My partner did this two and a half years ago in his works van two and rote it off.
he got a 18 month ban reduced to 14 months and a fine.
luckily didn't lose his job but had to ravel six hours a day on various different modes of transports to get to his work location for six months before work became more local (His punishment for ruining the van and of course we couldn't afford for him to loose his job.)
he bitterly regrets it and still won't talk about it.
he got his licence back in March last year and insurance wasn't too bad although would have being a hell of a lot cheaper if he hadn't have done it.

@loutypips

**Just catching up on this- bloody hell! Men can be such idiots!

People can be such idiots! I don't think this issue is just a male one. And idiots come in both guises, male and female.

Bookmark

My cousins dad was killed by a drink driver. It ruined her life, her siblings lifes, her mothers life and now her children have no grandfather. So I think you know the rant I want to give, but wont.

God op this is shit and he drives for work, what a cock ! Even if he doesn’t loose his licence he’ll loose his job as they won’t be able to insure him, be prepared for your future renewals to sky rocket even once he does get his licence back. I have a fleet of vehicles for business and we can’t keep drivers if they have recent drink driving because the cost is off the scale even if the insurance will do it, like thousands and thousands extra

So glad to here no one was injured or killed. Hopefully his punishment will be suitably fitting and allow him to contemplate his actions and the horrific outcome that could have been.
So sorry for you OP, nothing for you to be ashamed of, it was his choice. Suppose you'll be doing all the driving now, I'd be sending home off to Halfords to choose his new mode of transport during his ban! Cold wet bike rides in the winter will surely jog his mind of his irresponsibility and stupidity.