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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

982 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 01:53

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

OP posts:
incognitomum · 24/05/2020 11:19

Hope you can sort your thoughts OP and come to a decision.

Windyatthebeach · 24/05/2020 11:20

Many years ago my now exh was stopped for drink driving - after I reported him myself. He came back home- sleeping on dc's floor. I got my ducks together and filed for divorce 2 weeks later. He went back to his parents house..
No regrets.
Sorry you are also in this mess op.

MaddieElla · 24/05/2020 11:22

He's gone back out to get the car? Hmm

Oblomov20 · 24/05/2020 11:23

Deja-vu?
I've read at least 1, if not 2 identical threads on mn in the last couple of years.

backseatcookers · 24/05/2020 11:25

Wait HE has gone back out to get the car?!

MarthasGinYard · 24/05/2020 11:26

He's gone to get the car??

HannaYeah · 24/05/2020 11:31

Just posting support, energy and prayers for you and your family OP.

Biomedical · 24/05/2020 11:31

If he was double the limit last night surely it’s not legal to go get the car now

ineedaholidaynow · 24/05/2020 11:32

When did he stop drinking last night?

Alfiemoon1 · 24/05/2020 11:34

Thinking of you op

Stampy84 · 24/05/2020 11:35

He won’t be banned from driving the car until his court date- until he goes to court and is officially banned he is still legally allowed to drive ...

HOWEVER.... what a ridiculous thing to do, the amount he drank yesterday he will still be over the limit, he’s clearly learnt absolutely nothing.

prh47bridge · 24/05/2020 11:37

Wait HE has gone back out to get the car?!

He will be well below the limit now.

Crunchymum · 24/05/2020 11:39

Your local police force must be lacking in things to do if they are dropping off drunk drivers before 6am.

If they picked him up at 1.30am and he blew 69, not sure how sober he'd be by 6am? And they really don't let drunk drivers (or indeed any drink related arrests) go whilst they could still be intoxicated.

Regardless your DH sounds awful.

Keitepeheakoe · 24/05/2020 11:41

Why is HE getting the car? Is he allowed to drive? Is he under the limit?

prh47bridge · 24/05/2020 11:42

If he was double the limit last night surely it’s not legal to go get the car now

No he won't. He will be well below the limit by now.

If you get a reading of 69 (as here) after 12-13 hours later the reading will be 0. Even if the reading was taken at 2am (which seems unlikely given the information the OP has posted) he will be comfortably below the limit now.

frankie001 · 24/05/2020 11:43

Why is he going to get the car!?

Crunchymum · 24/05/2020 11:44

The other thread - from memory - was a poster who had her DH try to hid the fact he'd had a drink related car accident? She got a call at work about him having an accident and then couldn't find him or the car etc. Transpired he had been fine for drink driving and had a massive drink problem.

Wish my A/S worked properly and I'd try to find the thread.

NaughtyLittleElf · 24/05/2020 11:44

Presumably he's now sober and he's not banned until he's been to court so he can go and get the car, legally.

Crunchymum · 24/05/2020 11:44

Been done for drunk driving.

Lynda07 · 24/05/2020 11:51

I agree that you need some distance from your husband, op. His behaviour was plain wrong by anyone's standards. Thankfully nobody was injured but that could have happened, or worse. Whatever was he thinking? He sounds very immature.

He can come back from this, hopefully will have learned his lesson but don't take him back too quickly, you have to be sure for yours and your children's sakes that he has mended his ways.

You sounded OK with him going out for more booze when you'd already had quite a bit, not a bad idea to restrict it. Even if he hadn't driven it is a bad habit to get into and hardly good for health, physical or mental. Moderate drinking is fine, anything more sets a very bad example to children.

I'm not lecturing though, we all make mistakes and you weren't the one driving the car!

Best wishes for the future.

UniversalAunt · 24/05/2020 11:52

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme You may find contracting AlAnon UK helpful for you & for your teen.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

A pp mentioned that she no longer accommodates or excuses her partner’s drinking behaviours & speaks frankly. That seems to me to be a significant step forward, as you can change how you behave straight away, & contacting AlAnon is a good place to start.

Yes, I also had sense of deja vu, prolly because OP’s situation is not that uncommon.

RosieLancs · 24/05/2020 11:53

Did you ring the station and confirm they had him and that the PC who rung you was genuine?
The may not be able to tell you why he was arrested but they can tell you whether their station called you.
Only reason I'm suggesting this now he's home is because hus version of events do not ring true to procedure and a friend of mine's husband pulled this trick twice when he was having an affair and wanted an excuse to stay out all night, it was actually his mistress calling home and pretending to be the arresting officer.

PatsyJStone · 24/05/2020 11:57

I’ve been there myself, ex partner, decided to drive to see me at 3am, after around 12 pints. I didn’t know he was coming, but I got a voicemail from him at 9am saying he’d crashed his car, was in the police station, could I pick him up. Only hurt himself and his pride. Got three year ban.

Of course it wasn’t my fault, we weren’t living together and he’d got a taxi home from town before then deciding to drive to me! I was fast asleep. I’ve not read what everyone has said but if you didn’t know he was getting in the car then there is nothing you could have done differently.
The rest of your relationship and his relationship with alcohol is for you to work through and none of anyone’s business on here. He will get his punishment for what he has done through the right channels. That’s not for us to deal with either on here.
I wish you luck and strength. I’m sure you will have friends in real life you can talk to who know you and your husband much better and can support you.

Summerofdespair20 · 24/05/2020 11:57

OP I'm sorry to hear this. If I were you I would try to start living with no dependence on him - work full time if not already, grow your career and work opportunities so you can provide independently for you and your children. This man doesnt seem like someone you can rely on. Being independent of him will mean you can leave/divorce if you want to.

borntohula · 24/05/2020 11:58

@RosieLancs you're the second person as far as I can see who's tried to persuade OP that her husband is a cheat when everything points to him having been caught drunk driving. Read the thread.