Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

@minisoksmakehardwork you look like you mean well, however your words are minimising and we all need to be very careful. The thank goodness it’s all okay in the end might feel caring but it’s incredibly dangerous. It will provide that culture of acceptance which enables people to drink and drive in the first place. I get that you were trying to be kind.

How awful for you. He doesn't deserve any sympathy, remember that. He could have killed someone by choosing to drive while drunk. They catch drunk drivers because their driving is dangerous.
Also, he doesn't sound like a very nice man from the other things you've said.

I don't think people are minimising the seriousness of drink driving. People are trying to offer OP support. Many of us haven't had our lives affected by someone drink driving and so don't know exactly what to say, so they are trying to be kind and not beat OP around the head for his actions.
She has done nothing wrong. He has. Going on and on at her about the dangers of drink driving is pretty pointless as she isn't the one who's done it.
Realistically OP will hopefully be getting some rest and can speak to her husband later on today calmly and get the whole story. Only she can then decide what action to take so I think sharing links to support groups or useful websites for her is a great idea. Ramming it down her throat that she needs to leave him right this second is not helpful.

Oh, I’m so sorry for you op

I hope you managed to get some rest. Being in lockdown is stressful enough than to add to it. What was he thinking? Stupid question I know, but bloody hell

No one is minimising the seriousness of drink driving. The consequences are horrendous. We're aware people die and have life-altering injuries. And thank all that is good that there wasn't another one last night.

But the OP is a victim of this too, and being unkind to her is just plain stupid. Her family's safety and security has been undermined by his actions. He will almost certainly lose his licence and therefore his job. This isn't a great time to be job hunting.

The OP is here for support for her situation; let's give her that.

I concur.

I’m getting deja vu here! Anyone else?

Me too.

@Biancadelrioisback I totally disagree. No one is berating the OP. And it sounds like she is not in a great situation. However by minimising the drink driving, it is not helping her at all. She will want to minimise it, because that is what she’s had to live with, and she’s beaten down. It could be her kids in the car one day. By making sure the drink driving is reflected in our posts as the shocking and serious crime it is, is the best thing we can do for the OP. She can then make better decisions about how much she continues to invest in him. And she, as the main significant other in his life, can also pass on her full horrror and not minimise it for him.

Looking briefly at the other threads you mentioned OP, it is clear that alcoholism, employment issues and criminality aside, your husband is at the best of times not a nice person and abusive in his relationship with you. It seems you have been hoping for some financial stability but hopefully this shows you that he is not a path to providing that.

I am sorry you have been trapped in this situation for so long. Don't blame yourself for that, just look after yourself and your dc. I hope that your husband can get help and turn himself around but IF, and it is a big if, he does that it will only be becuase he has taken full responsibility for doing that himself. It isn't on you or the kids to do it or to stay if you have reached your limit. Whatever happens, you know you'll get loads of support on here for as long as you need it.

stayinginsummer - I didn’t say that or anything like it. I said that Dancingbear is being too forceful in her delivery. It’s not like the point is negated by remaining civil. We all agree that he has done wrong. Most of us have refrained from using shame as a club to beat the OP with though.
It’s not appropriate.

And just another note, if the OPs husband had screamed at her and the kids...

Would any of us be saying that ‘it’s okay as no one got hurt this time, be thankful for that’?

No. We would be doing the opposite and making sure the OP would see how serious the verbal abuse was. And none of us would be thinking that we were blaming the OP for verbal abuse by calling out its seriousness.

Drink drivers are cunts, the lowest of the low.

Oh, please: do stop with the histrionics. I wouldn't expect anyone to think that drink driving is a good thing but ...... you can't think of anything lower? Go on, have a good think: you'll get there

Can someone explain the deja vu? Has this thread been done before?

@pictish I didn’t see the OP shamed personally but maybe I missed it. However I do see a lot of posts which are ‘turning down the alarm’ for the OP, by saying no one was hurt, it wasn’t too bad this time thank goodness...

To me the worst thing we can do is turn down the OPs alarm. She should be alarmed and will be more likely to act if she continues to see the full seriousness.

A similar one I recall

so sorry op. You have absolutely no reason to be ashamed you have done nothing wrong. You are entitled too feel embarrassed by him though he has behaved idiotically without a thought for anyone but himself.
At the end of my street I have to pass the wilted bunches of flowers left for a woman who was killed by a drunk driver. No amount of I’m sorry undoes something like that. He should never have taken the risk. The fact that he did says how little he regards anyone who is not him.

Oh, please: do stop with the histrionics. I wouldn't expect anyone to think that drink driving is a good thing but ...... you can't think of anything lower? Go on, have a good think: you'll get there

Um, cheer up..at least your husband isn't a serial killer or orchestrating genocide

I don't think we should minimise the drink driving. In terms of OP's situation though this is the latest in a long line of pretty much continuous trouble from this man. Even without this incident, things weren't great from what has been shared.

Hi everyone x wow thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to advise , calm , discuss and post. I have just read them all ( apart from the deleted ones obvs! - so will never know what was on them but I know they were not nice! ) Anyway I can't work out how to thank and reply to each one at a time but some really great advice. I have not been able to sleep much - but have rested , showered and dressed, kids are chilling. Teenager clearly can see I am a bit out of sorts and so has washed up and is hoovering his room as we speak - amazing. DH has gone to get car with the dog. He is , predictably, very apologetic, sad , we have had tears of course and promises and platitudes . All seen before after other episodes of other stuff. I am trying not to be cynical- I love him , but on so many levels this may be the last straw. Not going to make any big decisions , but have thought about my enabling behaviours , my coping mechanisms that have become the reality of our marriage now. I am thinking about how I hardly ever drunk alcohol before I met him , but have tried every ploy in the book to try and slow him down /join him etc ( someone mentioned black coffee - I know that one ) I love my children very very much and I think I may need to break for a bit with them . I think we need space - from each other. I don't know yet be but will keep you posted. I cannot thank you all enough from the bottom of my heart ❤️

I think she sees it herself...and really doesn’t need to have it explained in increasingly aggressive terms while being told how to proceed and what to do about her marriage.

OP

Wishing you lots of love, whaterver you decide.

Can someone explain the deja vu? Has this thread been done before?

I had to check the date on reading because I thought it was a resurrected post from a few months ago.

Can someone explain the deja vu? Has this thread been done before?

It does feel very familiar and not very long ago.

I had to check the date on reading because I thought it was a resurrected post from a few months ago.

Unfortunately, this type of indiscretion is all too common.

Am thinking of you op.

@Osirus Actions which could kill an innocent person aren't "indiscretions".

What a ridiculous thing to say.