Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

I still can’t get beyond the fact that he physically left the house without telling you and didn’t contact you in any of the time he was away until the police did.

Alcohol or not he has utterly no respect for you or his family. Whilst the worst did not happen, this is pretty damn close.

You have nothing to be ashamed of and he has everything. Please don’t try and hide this, you have done nothing wrong and will need support whatever your decision (and you have choices and control at all time - remember that) because it’s going to be tough going forward.

I don't usually bother to A/S but fucking Hell @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme your DH really is not a good man.

The threads I found (and I skimmed) show that he is selfish, self centred, controlling and now criminal.

Honestly. Go back and read your older threads.

Take it easy OP, do what’s right for you & your kids. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. @SkinSkin has a great post. Lots of love at this difficult time.

Northernlittledonkey how can staying with a convicted criminal and serial drink driver possibly be the right thing for her kids? How low is your bar?

How can the OP be sure that he will not drive the kids whilst hammered (and the blood alcohol readings he gave are not marginally over; he was driving while battered, and probably got pulled because he was swerving all over the place).

Glad nobody got hurt. When you get in a car with drink in you, you decide that others mean nothing to you. Its luck that he got caught.

OP, how can you be confident he won't do this again, this time with the kids in the car?

I’m so sorry OP.

I hope you have been able to get some sleep. I also hope you find it within you to build a new, calm future with your kids and dog that doesn’t involve this ‘man’.

Is there any way of getting him out of the house? I know it's lockdown and the worst possible time, but maybe he has parents who can house him since these are exceptional circumstances.

I’m getting deja vu here! Anyone else?

I thought it was just me.

Oh love. What an awful situation for you to be in. I’m so sorry that you and the children aren’t worth more to him. That other people’s safety isnt worth more to him.
You must have a million thoughts rattling round your head, take time to sift through them with some real life support.

Hope this morning sees you have been able to have some rest and sheds some light on what has happened. Hopefully your DH was just a dick and got pulled for drink driving. Whilst not great, that no one was hurt and he is safe is a blessing for you.

Hopefully your DH was just a dick and got pulled for drink driving. Whilst not great, that no one was hurt and he is safe is a blessing for you.

Oh, drink driving, is that all?

666 people killed in the last year by drink drivers, none of them intended to kill, none gave a shit if they did.

Disgusting apologism. you should be ashamed.

I just wanted to send some love OP.
This must be incredibly difficult. Don't let anyone on here make you feel shitty for having a glass of wine btw, as an adult you had one glass, you are not responsible for his drinking or his actions.

Dancingbear - you are becoming so forceful in your delivery that you are simply coming across as overbearing and insulting. What use is that?

It’s horrible for you. Whatever you do, don’t ignore this and just carry on.

This is really serious and people minimising it for you are not helping anyone. They aren’t helping the people losing their lives to drink driving. And they aren’t helping you to process this and see it’s seriousness.

When you live with someone like this for a while you stop seeing how shocking it is.

the saddest part of this @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme is that you until they phone you just assume he was going his own thing somewhere else

I have read your other threads as you referenced them and this is no way to live

you are becoming so forceful in your delivery that you are simply coming across as overbearing and insulting. What use is that?

I've not insulted anyone.

However the apologism and minimising on this thread is really alarming.

Whilst not great, that no one was hurt and he is safe is a blessing for you. please don’t people on here minimise drink driving just in order to make the OP feel better. If there are far reaching social consequences for him too he might wake up. Encouraging the OP to enable him is pretty shocking.

First of all OP, thank you for being glad no-one was hurt and thank you for saying so. A lot of people wouldn't have bother to say that.
Secondly, your Dh doesn't have to actually be an alcoholic for your life to be affected by his drinking. Nor does he have to admit he has a problem for you to seek help and support if you so wish.
Thirdly, that you can still go to meetings for group such as Al Anon online. Different groups will be somewhat different in how they work etc. so if one doesn't suit and you still want support you might like to try another. or you might not want that, or only want that later.

No, it’s not. If you are ‘alarmed’ you need to relax.

Hope you're ok OP. Something very similar happened to my DF when I was little, in fact your DH sounds similar in general. FWIW he and DM are still very much together but it took a lot of hard work and uncertainty. He won't even entertain the idea of driving after one drink now.

Good luck

@pictish don’t say to posters they need to relax about drink driving, it’s indefensible.

@thedancingbear, I didn't mean to come across as minimising drink driving but due to technical issues also hadn't seen the full thread.

Drink driving is absolutely not acceptable and I have never driven having drunk even one alcoholic drink. But that OP was reassured that no one got hurt has to be better for her and the children in the long run. Imagine getting a phone call saying that Daddy was in hospital and arrested for drink driving after killing someone? It's not minimising to say at least they don't have that to deal with as well.

And yes, I say this as someone who has seen the effects of drink driving on friends and families. One friend's then boyfriend got in a car with 3 of their mates after he had been drinking and drove his friends to their deaths. A young ex work colleague did exactly the same thing. He was on his phone when he crashed, killing his friends instantly. The drivers both escaped with their lives. They, their friends and families have to live with their actions every single day.

And I am certainly not encouraging to enable him. I am thinking of her and her children and the impact this will have.

The point of my post to OP was that she won't have to live with people targeting her and her children as a result of her DH's actions. She won't be vilified in the streets and the papers as the spouse of the drink driver who killed X. That is certainly better than having your business splashed across the local rag and FB pages when you have children to consider in all this as well.