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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a true friend wouldn't do this?

66 replies

Sockmonster23 · 23/05/2020 18:24

We were discussing corona and the economy. She started screaming and shouting at me and I said it's only an opinion as I am worried about the economy and finances. She didn't give me a chance to talk and just hung up. Sent a text to say sorry if I upset you , will always be here if you want to chat in future. Not a hearsd a thing for 3 days and haven't spoken for nearly a week. I do believe in being able to express ourselves. In the past she has had a go at me before about stuff and then says it's me going off on one when she has been the one screaming that I actually felt anxious talking to her and she has sent me close to tears before and that's my own personal stuff. When she is nice is she lovely but when you something she doesn't agree with omg lol. Seriously this lockdown is making me question everything about life/friends. I'm a single mum and been through quite a hard time this last year due to my ex. I'm not perfect but I am loyal and do have opinions and can't just agree with someone when I don't but I am always respectful of their opinion.

OP posts:

GhostCurry · 23/05/2020 18:26

I think you’re going to have to provide a little more detail about the conversation itself, OP.

LouiseTrees · 23/05/2020 18:28

I agree.

PowerStruggle · 23/05/2020 18:28

You don’t have to be friends with people who make you feel this way. Lockdown is a good chance to distance yourself

Mummatobe2020 · 23/05/2020 18:31

How can you be friends with someone who you cant agree to disagree with. She just sounds very set in her ways and own views, some people just can't see past the end of their own nose in terms of personal opinouns. But this is not personal,it a personality flaw to be so short sighted.

There are people in life like this. Who are so adamant and strong in their self belief that ultimately they aren't that enjoyable to spend long periods of time with.

The best types of friends are the ones we can share our differences of opinoins with and still hug at the end of a day and see each other again with no animosity.

It's not you, I'd leave the ball in her court you apologised and you weren't in the wrong. You've already expresed you feel like your treading on eggshells. This isn't a friendship to fight for, she firey and unapologetically so.

Keep your head held high,don't chase her. If she values the friendship at all she should calm down and apologise!!

Igotta · 23/05/2020 18:31

Leave her to it.

Original poster

Sockmonster23 · 23/05/2020 18:31

I said the economy could collapse or the very least it may be a very severe recession I read the worst in many decades this was before Rishi actually said the' the likes we have never seen. I always respect someone's views and opinions. I certainly didn't say anything that hasn't been mentioned and in fact with other close friends we can each have an opinion and discuss it without the shouting.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 23/05/2020 18:34

Christ just bin her off. Anyone who is that much hard work has a shelf life imo.

Grumpyrealist77 · 23/05/2020 18:36

Is that you Dominic??

VettiyaIruken · 23/05/2020 18:37

Leave her to it.
People who can't have a civil ( or heated, passionate, but not personally abusive) debate are not worth bothering with.

PurpleDaisies · 23/05/2020 18:39

If that happened with a good friend of live who had no form for anything like that, I’d be very worried that something else was going on to make them behave that way.

pilates · 23/05/2020 18:43

She doesn’t sound a good friend. You’ve apologised for upsetting her, the ball is in her court now to get in touch. You are entitled to your opinion without her losing it.

VisionQuest · 23/05/2020 18:43

What was it about what you said that offended her so much? Does she think that the whole nation should stay locked down indefinitely and to hell with the economy?

She sounds like a right knob to be honest. I wouldn't be friends with someone who screamed at me, sod that.

cheekyrobot · 23/05/2020 18:44

I expect her reaction is because if what you say is true she will be in a worse off position and it is a scary thought. Doesn't excuse her reaction though.

I wouldn't cut her off yet, I would give her an ultimatum and explain her reaction is OTT and wears you down and you don't feel comfortable having conversations. You can mention that you don't have to agree to be friends but also say shouting matches are off the table.

PurpleDaisies · 23/05/2020 18:44

Second half of my post disappeared.

Since she regularly behaves in this way, I’d just move on. Life’s too short for tip toeing around people like that.

blueReliantRobin · 23/05/2020 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LonginesPrime · 23/05/2020 18:48

God, it's like the new Brexit!

Why would you be waiting for her to get in touch? So she can scream at you some more?

emilybrontescorsett · 23/05/2020 18:50

Perhaps what you said struck a nerve with her.
Maybe it brought home to get that she is on the edge of t manual ruin.
Still no excuse for her to start screaming at you.

NailsNeedDoing · 23/05/2020 18:51

Some people genuinely seem to believe that caring about the economy and the negative effects of Lockdown means you don’t care about people dying from coronavirus. It comes from their own mostly unreasonable yet understandable fears and anxieties.

I am sympathetic towards people like that, even if they don’t express themselves well, if they are usually polite and able to have a balanced conversation. But your friend sounds like she’s unreasonable all the time and she’s just got an excuse to focus that on coronavirus right now. It doesn’t sound like you’re missing much having not spoken to her really.

countrylanes · 23/05/2020 18:52

I once had a friend like this. She used her emotional reactions to manipulate people into never disagreeing with her (despite strongly expressing her own opinions). LIke your friend, she could be lovely and great fun when you were getting along and agreeing with her.

I am very glad I am no longer her friend and have made sure never to develop a friendship with anyone like this again.

crustycrab · 23/05/2020 18:53

My friend is at a party. I've stuck to the guidelines throughout.

We don't even talk about it now. It's not an issue. People will make their own choices

FartingInTheFence · 23/05/2020 18:54

She sounds like a moron.

Block, delete, ignore and move on. People like this deserve no headspace.

Life is short enough as it is.

midsomermurderess · 23/05/2020 18:56

It sounds as if you might have to walk on egg shells around her. Is it worth it?

LordOftheRingz · 23/05/2020 18:58

The opposite of anger is fear. So many are in denial about what is coming. As a nation we will not positively think our way out of this and its impact on many levels. She's angry because she's scared, its not a reflection on you at all, it's all her. You were just sharing your own fears and thoughts as friends do. Just let her cool off. I think you will get back on track, we all need to be that bit more forgiving at the moment.

MashedSpud · 23/05/2020 18:59

She shouts at you and you text her to apologise?

You need to get this toxic hell hag out of your life.

Jaxhog · 23/05/2020 19:01

You don’t have to be friends with people who make you feel this way.

I agree. Having different points of view is not a problem, but if she can't accept that without screaming at you, then you need to rethink your friendship or at least cool off for a while.

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