In-laws moving next door

[Lotsofluv]

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

Yanbu. I lived next door to my SIL but it only lasted three years before we sold. She would always try the door handle before knocking. She would try and dump he kids at ours. Any visitors and she would be straight over. My male cousin visited on his large motorbike when my DH was at work, DH knew he was visiting to drop of a present for my mum. She came over banging on the door and we wouldn't answer. He left before DH came home from work. As soon as DH came home she was screaming at him in the drive that I was cheating on him.I
My grown up DS and his family live quite near but I really wouldn't want to live next door. We like a degree of privacy too.

so our DH parents bought a house next door and your D view is i wont be an issue. Why dont you tell him yours are moving in at the otherside. The audacity of the pair of them to do that astounds me, I have no doubt they would have been equally delighted if either of there inlaws moved next door to them. I would have lost the plot and put my house on the market. Your DH is typical of most on MN who are passive, see no issue as its his parents. Sorry but i would be making myself clear to my DH that if there are no clear boundaries around his parents that you will be moving out with the kids...

Mine just drop in. They quickly got used to my slummy ways

Aquamarine 1029

🤣🤣 I know😭 I really should just crack on with what I’m doing but then I think that they think that I’m rude for not making them a tea and having a chat 😭..
Im coming round to your suggestion though, if they think I’m rude, so be it 😊

Absolutely spend that money and carve out your private space! It could have a really positive side too but you need to be able to escape.

JellyNo15

Oh no!... what nightmare😭..
I’m glad my husband hasn’t got a sister 🥵

Ooh hell no, theres no way I would be happy with this. I like my privacy and my own space and I would hate for my inlaws to move to the same town never mind next door. I would be looking to move house if i were you!!

Sunflowersandtulips50

I have said this to him, he reckons he wouldn’t be bothered if my parents moved next door🙄.

Op make sure your dh doesn't give them a key to the house. Mine did. I started to leave the key in the back of the door so she'd have to knock.

The awning is a great idea as it will block their view of your garden directly outside your house.

But your privacy in the garden will be compromised.

I absolutely believe your husband stitched you up.

Be abrupt. Leave your husband to entertain them.

Yeah, of course he says that! He knows there's absolutely no chance of it happening - because his parents have already bought next door!

I wouldnt let them in until it’s in the rules we can. (In one Scotland, not sure of your rules sorry) I’d say the mums were gossiping about people who break the rules and you don’t want you or pil to be slagged off. Your ‘protecting them’ from bad neighbourhood feeling. As soon as rules drop, I’d be happy to let you in.

Make a point of mentioning you like to stroll about your house naked wearing only headphones (or in your underwear) so no unexpected visits please. (that should back them right off, headphones explain why you can’t hear the doorbell).
You’d better do it a couple of times so DH can answer truthfully that you do that if they ask him. Which they will.

I’d plant a whole trellis bushes plants rockery thing in the back right along the whine garden fence and be well proud of it as it’s likely they will want to insert a gate between your back gardens so if you don’t want that you’d better have a good reason why they can’t tear down a fence panel. Plant ASAP so shrubs can mature and DH thinks nothing suspicious of your recent horticultural appreciation. Or buy some raised beds to go right along and fill with compost and seeds. Dc can help. Brilliant reason the fence has to stay ‘but what about the children’s raised vegetable beds, we cant just remove a fence panel”

Don’t underestimate DH and his need for his parents. If you speak against them too much he may be unhappy.

Be abrupt. Leave your husband

Fixed this billy1966

If MIL comments on the state of your house tell her she is welcome to clean it.
Seriously, if you don’t want to move you’ll need to be extremely assertive from now on.

Enjoy your red wine and sunbathe topless.

"if I’m busy I have to stop to entertain them and it pisses me off!"

No you don't!

In fact, they're so close you'll never have to "entertain" them again!

There's no visiting needed anymore.

They probably think that they won't be intrusive at all, but I do wonder if when when you/husband/kids arrive home someone will appear for a chat or angling to come in for "half an hour".

If you'll be stopped on your way out & asked about where you're going & maybe they can have a lift somewhere/come shopping with you?

It really depends how they behave.

Wait & see & try not to stew about it too much atm?

But seriously, it's always been a great relief that my MIL is what my mother would call "soapy" meaning a little grubby.

I think the only thing to do, OP, is to be totally cynical and let them see you as you normally live. If they don't like it, they can bugger off.

if they pop round and it’s not convenient, just tell them so

Yes! Stick to this, and make sure you do it right from the start.

It doesn't have to be rude, you can say in a polite, charming manner that you have something else to do.

We live one road apart from our DCs. We tend to be extra careful not to intrude on each other. Which works well. I would need a privacy screen in the garden for sure. Also I hope you are not loud arguers that could be embarrassing.

I am baffled she wants to live so close to you I love my grand children dearly but would not want to live so close to family members.

We moved from the midlands to the south west. In laws eventually decided they would move down too 😔

House next door to us came up for sale. They tried to arrange a viewing 😭😭 I told H that if they bought it he could chose to either move or get a divorce.

They’ve bought about 10 minutes drive away 🙂

Have they sold their other house yet? If not, buy it

My parents are moving to the same COUNTRY where we live and I'm already having kittens.

BumpBundle. Exactly this...

Don't change anything.
Get some kind of counselling or assertiveness training to learn strategies so you don't have to compromise yourself - e.g. so you don't have to stop having your glass of wine in the garden and you're able to do it without it bothering you or being scared of what they think. They should not be critical of the way you live - it's none of their business. Be assertive and clear from day one that this is how you live your life and don't change it for anyone. If they judge, that says more about them - and it's unpleasant.