In-laws moving next door

[Lotsofluv]

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

The amount of vitriol on MN for in laws is astounding. My parents live next door to us, and its great. My OH has no issue with it, and I absolutely would have no problem if his parents moved next door either. 🤷‍♀️

I’m going to go against the grain here, I honestly would love to have my parents on one side of me and my in-laws on the other, and I say that whole heartedly. We have two young children who they absolutely adore and I know we would have such a great quality of life with them beside us and then as they get older they could still remain in their house and we would be close enough to keep an eye!
I maybe live in a dream world but both our parents are so supportive, I love unexpected visits, I love people just calling and brightening up my day.
It may also help that I have zero house pride and my children are constantly covered in muck so it wouldn’t matter what clothes they were wearing.
I think the way you move forward with this is to establish boundaries if it’s really important to you and just go about your usual business, drinking outside each night doesn’t really matter on the grand scheme of things, if you don’t make a big deal and just behave as normal like everyone accepts it they will likely not pass comment!
And if I were you, I’d be sending the kids over loads and they may be less likely to keep popping by as they’ll enjoy a much needed break, they also may come up with their own boundaries After a few weeks of that! ha!

My grandparents lived next door to us growing up and although I think it was helpful to parents Dm did regret agreeing to it. She felt like they couldn't ever move away despite outgrowing their house and it also became a huge tie for them as my grandparents got older in terms of providing care. Df has a sister but she expected Dm to do it even though my she had her own parents to care for. So no, you are not being unreasonable, I would never agree to it.

God there are some nutters on this thread, OP asks is she unreasonable to feel peeved with her husband and in laws that the in-laws have bought the house next door and within a short period she’s subject to posters like @Timekeeper1 having a temper tantrum because OP hasn’t instantly agreed in the space of a few hours make a life changing decision and sell the house NOW and put her marriage in jeopardy. God some posters are twats.

Yes OP I totally sympathise, definitely requires detailed discussion with your husband about options for selling or staying, and boundaries if you stay, and implications for your marriage if you can’t come to an agreement. This is a shite situation to be in, I’d hate it too. Think about what you want and what compromises you will or won’t make and take it from there.

Yikes what a night mare! I get on with my in laws but I could not stand having them so
Close.

Why are they moving so very very close to
You? I’d hazard A guess they have a picture in their heads of the grandchildren treating their place as a second home, and then you and you dh caring for them as they get old.

I’d make sure that you set your boundaries right from the start. You have had to be polite and hospitable in the past because you have been ‘the host’. But now they are your neighbours not your guests.There is no need for them to come in to your house if you are busy, it isn’t rude to say no because they only have to go back next door.

CeCeDrake how would you feel if you didn't want them to live next door, and it was presented to you as a done deal that you've had not input on?

Seems to me you have a number of options:

1. tell your husband how you feel and look into moving away
2. fall out with your in laws
3. put up a 6 foot fence
4. slowly simmer until you boil over and fall out
5. put up and shut up Or
6. call a meeting and explain your concerns to your in laws, and identify a plan for the future, to maintain both couples privacy, and maximise the positive points (there are good points)!

No, I'd hate it, I'm same as you like my privacy and space. Time to move I reckon..

@Tappering but they did talk about it, op just thought it wasn’t going to happen.
But if that was the case, it’s not really my business to tell a pair of adults what house they can and can’t buy, can’t control others actions only your own so with that in mind, I would establish boundaries, both ways, see how it goes and to be honest if it was absolutely awful id say so, open communication is key with any family and neighbours.

This would be my actual worst nightmare and my in laws at ok. Since our daughter was born we have somehow got in to a routine of them coming round every Sunday and that totally does my head in.
I’d be perhaps be looking to move. May be the house suddenly feels too small or something.

@Honeyroar

It did initially make me self conscious in the bedroom, but the houses, although semi detached, are hundreds of years old and have very thick walls, plus my dad went pretty deaf soon after we moved in!

How obliging of dad!

@NC10873

You dealt with that situation masterfully!

Me too, it’s been a total bonus having parents next doir

@CeCeDrake @Lotsofluv I agree, it is great. Set boundaries; especially the one where the kids can go into theirs unlimited, and they have to check before they call round to you! We never have dinner with parents, even my mum used to say when my husband gets home from work, it's his castle. Play it right, and in years to come you'll wonder how you would have coped without them.

That’s horrendous- how stupid of you’re in laws - it’s gonna be a total nightmare - l think it will split up you’re marriage unless you get You’re husband on board now knowing how you feel - why the hell did they think it was ok -😢😢😢 they must have plenty of money too

I see this has made it into Femail...

The DM are lazy feckers. I hope they’re paying Mumsnet’s new optional subscription seen as they lift so much content from here.

@JazzyTheDog totally agree. Timekeeper’s response was bizarre; as if they felt that by posting on here the OP had entered into some sort of contract where if the Mumsnetters say sell your house and leave your husband she must immediately comply. Weirdly over invested and apparently without any thought about real life being infinitely more complex and nuanced.

Mind you I suggested building some kind of Berlin Wall and of not burning both houses down which wasn’t much help either

I only wanted to know if I’m a horrible person for the way I feel, didn’t expect to be called names but there is always going to be one I suppose

Read your first ten words there again. You wanted to know if you were a horrible person. But it seems you don't actually want anyone to say yes!

I don't think you're a horrible person at all, but you do look pretty silly sounding off at anyone you think is being mean, when they're simply giving you the feedback you asked for!

@BevJdeV
And if inlaws refuse to accept boundaries?

It’s like you are so blinkered by your own wonderful experience that you cannot see how this could possibly go wrong

@LovePoppy Of course it could go wrong, but they have purchased the house now, so how about trying to make the best of it? Face the 'going wrong' if it happens. Give it a best shot first?! All I mean is, there is also a chance it could go well and turn out good.

This thread seems set out to make someone who is already anxious, feel awful! Let's be nice and help her feel better eh?

I am a positive person, But telling her it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows seems just as unhelpful is saying it’s going to be a nightmare.

@LovePoppy maybe reread my posts? At no point did I say it would definitely be sunshine and rainbows. I just painted a possibly more positive outcome with less despair.

If this has made it to the DM, I pray her family don't read it!

It would serve them right if they do. At least they wouldn’t have to ask her opinion on it all.

Not that they did in the first place.