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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws moving next door

533 replies

Lotsofluv · 23/05/2020 16:16

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsofluv · 24/05/2020 18:38

@glennamy

90% of people on here are saying I’m not being unreasonable, they would feel the same.Your Comment makes you sounds like a nasty horrible person 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
WoollyMammouth · 24/05/2020 18:42

How high is your fence?

Glad you agreed about the key. Also if they pop round and you’re busy then tell them. Why are they using your loo anyway? They shouldn’t be in your house.

Original poster
Lotsofluv · 24/05/2020 18:43

@LolaSmiles

Thank you lola, I don’t think @glennamy realises how her comment makes her sound more nasty and horrible than my post 😏.

OP posts:
Tomkinz · 24/05/2020 18:45

Put the wine in a coke can, or Ribena bottle. They'll look at you out of their window each evening while you're sat in the garden and say "didn't our son marry well".

Sorted.

shamelesschocaholic · 24/05/2020 18:48

You need to move! Next door is way too close!!!

Original poster
Lotsofluv · 24/05/2020 18:50

@Tomkinz

🤣 brilliant idea👍...

Thanks everyone for your suggestions x

OP posts:
Baggins15 · 24/05/2020 18:55

We have just had my FIL stay with us for three months after my partners mum passed away (they had been separated for four years so wasn't because he didn't want to be in he's own ) he left two days after after three months as he just started a new job , the first couple of weeks were okay but longer it went on I felt like a guest in my own house , He was constantly telling the kids off and over riding what I said , I couldn't even come down and make a tea before kids got up and because he didn't like whatever kids watched he would get up before and put a old film on etc so kids just started avoiding him alot of the time , but the there were times I felt bad for feeling annoyed as he's ex wife of 40 years had just passed ..but couple days have been lovely ! ..I remember moving to the bottom of my own mums road for four months while my house was being done , she loved it but I didn't want to be at hers everyday just because I was at end of road and she's my best friend ! ..so no YNBU at all ..u need to set firm boundaries from the start ! X

sunshinesky · 24/05/2020 19:00

Put your house on the market now Flowers

CookPassBabtridge · 24/05/2020 19:01

Fuck. No. And I get on with them!

Auckland11 · 24/05/2020 19:01

Youv to see it as it is what it is and just deal with it, pretty silly that its making you want to split up with your DH over it all.

imsooverthisdrama · 24/05/2020 19:03

I think your husband would be better off without you in his life if this is making you resent him! What a nasty/selfish person you are!
Do you not think this is a nasty comment?

madcatladyforever · 24/05/2020 19:05

HELL NO OP!!!!!!!!

My mother moved opposite me 25 years ago when she retired without asking me if it was ok.

I love my mother but I NEED my privacy and I didn't have any at all and she was constantly over at all times of the day and night. I'm not the only relative in the town, my siblings and stepfather all live close by.

I moved after a while 50 miles away, I just need my own space and don't need someone coming knocking at 6.30 am on my day off.

Me moving caused a family rift that I don't think has ever healed. But I didn't ask for it or want it, two streets away would have been fine but NOT dead opposite so she could look into my house from hers, it was presented as a fait accompli and it pissed me right off.

HappyBumbleBee · 24/05/2020 19:05

Ask yourself - if this were YOUR parents and your hubby writing this, how would you feel? That he's thinking of leaving you because if it?
Maybe because I'm older and my kids are almost grown up now I'd feel differently to you and by the looks of it, the majority of posters.... they're coming down once or twice a week and you can't cope with that?
I would have an open and honest conversation with hubby AND them and carry on with my life. It wouldn't bother me at all x

Sunny4876 · 24/05/2020 19:05

I'd start house hunting after lockdown OP.

SharonasCorona · 24/05/2020 19:07

@madcatladyforever good on you for moving. Was the family rift because it let others off the hook?

I moved to be near my mum but she gives us a lot of space.

alig99 · 24/05/2020 19:11

Clearly you don’t have a great relationship with your husband if it just takes your ILs about to move in and you are already talking about splitting up with him!!

Choccylips · 24/05/2020 19:13

Sorry for you but be strong and go on like you always have its your life don't let them take over.

Newbie1999 · 24/05/2020 19:14

Plan your next move. Seriously.

CookPassBabtridge · 24/05/2020 19:14

It's so intrusive that they thought this would be okay.

ScreamingKid · 24/05/2020 19:17

This would annoy me too. Not just the invasion of boundaries but also the implication that I would be looking after them in their old age. No thanks.

Bibliophile001 · 24/05/2020 19:20

Unfortunately this situation was a major cause of my divorce though I have to say there were underlying problems anyway. Exacerbated by his parents being ever present in our marriage.
Move! Or get conveyors to find major expensive structural faults on the house they intend buying!
Maybe you’ll find “a new normal” as the popular maxim seems to be currently.

Samone1 · 24/05/2020 19:21

I'd like literally be dead, gone, finished!😵 Uffft !!!!! I feel sorry for you hun ❤

doughnutmuffin · 24/05/2020 19:24

Did they move because they wanted to be near you and DH or because they liked the house?

I would start getting into a doubt one of locking your doors so they can't just walk in, try and nip it in the bud if they start calling round all the time.

espressoontap · 24/05/2020 19:28

Love my ILs to pieces but I couldn't and wouldn't live next door to them. I'd be putting the house up for sale.

madcatladyforever · 24/05/2020 19:29

@madcatladyforever good on you for moving. Was the family rift because it let others off the hook?

My mother never really forgave me for moving and I never really forgave her for buying that huse and not telling me she was moving in until the removal van arrived.

It seemed to open up a whole can or worms and trust issues and I started to realise that my needs and wants had never really been very important to her.