In-laws moving next door

[Lotsofluv]

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

I would love for my dad to live next to us, he passed away unfortunately so will not have the choice. As far as the in-laws as concerned, well they don't care much about their grandchidren so would not do that. If they did buy a house next to us though, I would not be too worried. Keep doing what you want to do, there are worst things in life... Who cares about what they think of you drinking, how you house is... That would not bother me one bit! No reason for some to belittle you in this post however OP, if someone think their marriage should end for that reason, or you should move, or it is the worst thing that could happen. Well they need to really get perspective. It will be fine if you don't alter your life style for others too much. As you mentioned grandchildren, honestly, that could be such a positive effect for them...x

I believe that there should have been a family meeting to discuss and consider all parties' thoughts and feelings before they purchased the house. Transparency is priceless.
I sympathise with you. And as for your in-laws judgemental ways, remind them that one day they will be judged too.
Whatever happens, strive to always be the peacemaker.
🤗

Must be a cultural thing- i am portuguese and i would love having my parents/ parents in law living next door. Lovely for the children to have their extended family near by, good for us that could also take some time for ourselves while the grandparents enjoy the company of the boys. Loads of good things to share ahead. Would be a different thing if it was the same house but next door sounds perfect. Both our parents and inlaws are in other countries, you are lucky to have their support at hand, just make the most of it and don't start with the wrong attitude.

And I thought I had it bad when we moved to our dream home which was a 10 min walk from DP's parents. For the first year it was horrendous. MIL would be on the phone if we weren't on the bus to go to school (got a taxi as I was pregnant and overslept!). Her record was 18 telephone calls between 0930 and 1430 to find out where we were (shopping for baby). Showed up at our house " with a new bus timetable" that I "absolutely must have" while her opaque bag had slippers, puzzle books etc to spend the day with us! I didn't let her in and sent her away with a flea in her ear she sulked for two weeks! Bliss! Things have improved now only because I stood up to her! She still manipulates my DP but has given up on me! Lockdown has been good because she has been banned from showing up at our house!

I would hate it. I'm a mil, and I wouldn't like being next door to them, any more than they'd like it. We live in the same town though.
Good luck op!

Must be a cultural thing- i am portuguese and i would love having my parents/ parents in law living next door. ...Both our parents and inlaws are in other countries

I'm assuming it didn't happen accidentally that you live in a different country to both sets of grandparents. I mean you didn't wake up one day and POOF gone. Very easy to say you'd love something when you're in the opposite situation.

I live hundreds and thousands of miles from both sets and am happy to say I wouldn't want my in laws next door.

Ok so yabu to speak up now? Why now? This should of rang panic alarms in your head from the moment it was mentioned!!
The cleaning: if she makes a comment tell her go ahead give it a clean if it upsets her so much, your in your sons house after all you might aswell help!
Drinking: your a mother of 3, it's the least you deserve. Any comments made tell them 'try raising 3 kids and a husband, you'd become an alcoholic'
Popping up unannounced: don't answer the door next time and tell them to call next time as you and your husband was having sex and wasn't expecting any visitors!
Omg this would be the end of my marriage! I'm filled with so much dread for u!
My husband tried to say something along these lines, trying to find a new home and get the next door house for pil! I cut it straight out, told him if they moving in then my parents on the other side! Let's just say he understood and will never mention it again, unless he wants a divorce!

I agree with Warsawa31 . The reason is that it so nearly happened to me and I had to say something to my husband . It caused tension but I stuck to my guns and don’t regret it . I have since been asked by my SIL if my MIL can move in with us now she is widowed and I said no . I have decided that my sanity is too important to worry about not being liked by people who are imposing - life is too short !

Dont worry about what they think @Lotsofluv just see how it pans out before youmake amy rash decisions. Then when theyve moved in sit down with Dad inlaw and say i dont want to invade your space so shallwe say no impromptu visits? He will then hopefully put the reigns on her 😵😵

DH got a job quite close to my DPs and we had to relocate cross country.... we deliberately lived so he had a big commute rather than live near them
When we visit DH's family, we have to use holiday accommodation as no one has space for us. I hate it - I am expected to be available for who ever decides to pop in from 7am-10pm and to feed them and who ever they bring with them. I hate it. I imagine that's what your life is now going to be like and nope.

Two streets away is too close in my experience, even now years after I divorced her son my ex MIL still notes as she walks past my house if my curtains are open, my car is on the drive etc. If she lived next door my every move would be noted and she'd be here day and night.

Your husband is their son too and they raised him good and healthy , so you could marry him, how long you think they would live and invade your life, that are your husband's parents, you don't have to be hair dressed and we'll dressed to meet them, just stay natural and I. Pyjamas they won't care all they would care is that they can see their son and his children moving around , if you will keep it simple and ask them too to stay simple as you were living with your mom, then there wi t be any problems, you just have to recognize who they are and how much they care their son since he has born , if you have children you can definitely understand that

You should have told them to not buy it saying "the neighbours are awful"

if you have children you can definitely understand that
Such guilt tripping.🙄
This thread is full of people with children who are saying they have concerns. The OP doesn't have to suck it up as a form of gratitude they brought her husband into the world.

What am I missing about ignoring covid rules completely by both parties?

YANBU I would hate my in laws to live next door, it's bad enough they only live 5 mins down the road. My MIL would turn up all the time and she spoils my kids with random crap, then she complains my house is messy, well stop buying crap (she won't have it in her house though!) My ILs are split up and my FIL is just as bad, he's always ringing my DH "fancy a beer?", "coming down the pub?". I know this is terrible, but I am very blunt and I would just tell them, my FIL actually asked my DH if I hated him... I think hate is a strong word, but I do dislike him.

I know what would happen, nanny would tell the kids come over my house anytime, nanny has treats, nanny will get you comics, etc.

I would set down ground rules and say they can only come over on certain days like they would do if they hadn't moved over.
On the plus side though they could help with childcare?

glennamy
What a nasty and spiteful attack on the OP. Did you seriously look at this thread and have so little to offer you thought 'what the hell, I'll just be unpleasant'?

My inlaws live opposite us. We moved in front of them, not because we wanted to, because it was an affordable house in the village my husband grew up in. It can get frustrating having a wave every time you leave the house, asking who came round etc... And husband pops to see them most days and gets help up for an hour (that’s annoying). But equally they help babysit when we need it, FIL does some gardening sometimes at the front and they’re old so it’s nice they see the grandkids. If things get out of hand or stressful just be open. There is no point being grumpy with them or your OH if you don’t tell anyone what’s annoying you. It’s a learning curve for all of you

Feel for you, that’s awful! Did you raise your concern to your DH when all this was being talked about? If not you don’t have a leg to stand on, if you did and he ignored you then you’re within your rights to be very annoyed with him, question your relationship and move!

Talk to dh Now !! Don't have the life I had. Nosing meddling . Dh gave them a key and the cheeky b even turned up on holiday (ours) ! Dh turned to be a Nasty mommy's boy. I am now very happily divorced. Ps turn the tables on them if they get interfering it really pees them off. Good luck!

What about putting a six foot fence up before they move in?

Wow. They brought it without discussing it with you

Wrong

Same town. Fine

Same road possibly

Next door never

YABU about dropping in for a cuppa (don't make an effort and it will feel better).
YANBU about living next door....you're DOOMED a very small minority could and just looking at your post I reckon neither you or your mil are one of those people.

However in a sense (like another poster mentioned...you / your OH / or both could have discouraged it well before them buying. So sorry but you're going to have to try.

Only advice is.....
you could always move
(sorry about this) but you & mil sound similar so she may have the same fears (babysitter at hand...no afternoon G&T bingo days. Etc

Good luck 🍀

Oh god no , I love my in-laws but not next door it's a privacy thing. I like to sit in my garden peace & quiet with a glass of wine and if my in-laws were out there too it would be lovely sometimes but not every time .
I can't believe they thought it was ok to buy it without checking it was fine and your dh is a bit of a idiot too .
I'm not sure what you can actually do about it now though except just have a chat about boundaries. Hopefully it will be fine .