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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws moving next door

533 replies

Lotsofluv · 23/05/2020 16:16

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

OP posts:
redmonkeys · 24/05/2020 17:37

The reason they moved next door to you was to see u more and your children etc. Their grabdchildren. As in yes walk over your space. If this was not wat you wanted then I'm afraid it should have been nipped in the bud prior to purchase. I think it's her love for u their son or grandkids that's made them buy a house in need of renovation and have the stress of renovating it... that's another way to look at it.
I live my husband, so careful to commit to one man. But then I was absolutely blind sided by his family ; who I met 2 years after dating him (they wanted to meet me but I wasn't sure). When I say blind sided I mean how amazing, kind, generous they are.
I'm quite a confident person don't care if anyone judges me with no make up. Try not to care what they think. There may be a chance they r not judging you at all ? I think that's the best road to take. The blasse approach. U have your pins wine and gin tonic in garden. It's ur garden too. Ask them to join you. It's what I would do :-)

Pharmacygirl2000 · 24/05/2020 17:38

I live next door to my in laws now 12 years and I have hated every second. I warned my husband who already had this house when we got married that it was a mistake but he wouldn't listen. He has admitted now it was a terrible mistake. I have had so much upset and they have caused so many arguments. They are nice people but it is just too close. They interfere, pass on all our news to the rest of the family, show up at really bad times, I dont even sit in the garden because they are always looking over the fence. They shouldn't have bought the house without discussing it with ye to see how he would feel.It looks like the lack of boundaries are already there. My advice would be if ye stay, sit down with your husband and talk to him about how your fears and expectations. Be clear with him that if they dont respect the boundaries ye will have to move. Ye then need to sit down with your in laws and talk about privacy and boundaries. Do it immediately so they know where they stand.

SongRiver · 24/05/2020 17:39

I love my mum in law and would have no problem if she moved next door to us. My mother, on the other hand......absolutely not!!
All you can do is see how it goes, I think, and then decide your best course of action. Good luck!

Taxanimal · 24/05/2020 17:39

Bloody hell what a nightmare, rather you than me. My mum lives round the corner from us and that’s close enough for all of us! This actually happened on my husband’s side of the family, his grandparents moved next door to his parents. In the end it was meals on a tray 3 times a day. My MIL is a saint. Good luck.

Attitude84 · 24/05/2020 17:39

I’d make sure the fence was at least 6 ft talk to prevent any unannounced over the fence chats. I’d also set some ground rules too. Don’t have any of their crap 💪🏻

Taliya · 24/05/2020 17:41

YANBU. Id feel the same if it was me. The only option is for you and your husband to move house really.

Oscarsdaddy · 24/05/2020 17:41

YANBU

Jesus I do feel for you, I’d get your house valued and on the market ASAP with a view to moving around an hour away

honeybee88 · 24/05/2020 17:42

How many children do you have? I would go on and on about how great it will be that you will have babysitters 'on tap' . If she suggests they wont be available for that make sure you have a come answer again. Like " the children will be coming every day I wont be able to stop them they are sooo excited."

Priya19 · 24/05/2020 17:46

Tooooo late, u should taken action when they were planning to buy. Situation going to be Same as Every body loved Raymond.
I have experience in this .take action and plan something before it's too late.Freedom , privacy,life ,all goes

Rainbowsparkle · 24/05/2020 17:46

I feel for you. This would actually be my worst nightmare. Think you need to make sure there are some firm ground rules

Shell4429 · 24/05/2020 17:46

Leave. Tell your OH that you will come back if he sells the house.

MissingLincs · 24/05/2020 17:48

I guess I'd like to ask if you would feel the same if it was your mum that was moving in next door, rather than your mother-in-law?
If you wouldn't mind if it was your own mum then maybe your husband would feel exactly how you are feeling right now. I would have loved to live next door to my mum and as for my mother-in-law, I saw her every work day because I had to go and pick up my daughter from her house but it was a 25 minute journey in rush hour traffic.

Commonwasher · 24/05/2020 17:49

I don’t know who I would be more furious with, my DH or PIL.... either way you are not at all unreasonable. It’s a terrible idea. I would be looking for a new house, at least if you know it’s short term pending a move it will make it easier to endure once they’ve moved in.

Chig · 24/05/2020 17:50

YANBU

I couldn’t have handled my in laws moving in next door, watching all my comings and goings.

Mistymonday · 24/05/2020 17:50

Time to move! Did they not ask if you minded them moving in next door? That seems quite inconsiderate!

dustyparadeground · 24/05/2020 17:51

My BIL has basically always lived next door to his Mum and Dad he lived at home until he was 31. Then got married and Mum and Dad gave him the apartment next to theirs (previously rented out). After a couple of years my FIL started to build a new house further out in the suburbs - this is Italy - and my BIL moved there with his wife. His wife left him after a couple of years and my FIL and MIL moved in next door. So basically at age 53 he's never really left home! This is Italy and everything is a bit different there but even then this all seems to me a little weird. And don't get me wrong he is not in any way inadequate: held his job many years. Had a daughter with a new partner a few years back. Quite a practical guy. But never grew up.

dustyparadeground · 24/05/2020 17:52

So no YANBU ...it's a slippery slope

TriciaH87 · 24/05/2020 17:54

Talk to your husband about it and together talk to his parents about ground rules. If they can't let you have your own space consider moving. On another note if there is an emergency and you need some one to run you to a hospital or mind the kids while you rush out they will be right next door. Use them as much as you can they will then want to set rules of their own. When this happens lay your own down.

beautyguru · 24/05/2020 17:56

Fuck. That. Shit.
I love my Mum and my Ils but no way could I cope with them living next door.

evian76 · 24/05/2020 17:58

Worst nightmare ever, poor you. Utterly disrespectful if they didn’t discuss this with you before buying. I’d have issues if my in laws moved to the same county as us! Good luck, I’d set some ground rules if I were you, it’s your life. Alternatively you could start being VERY annoying to put them off ie: when they move in going over at 5am; playing loud music; nice fish barbecues etc

Vinomummyinlockdown · 24/05/2020 18:03

Oh man ..... I love MY parents but I couldn’t handle them being next door let alone my MIL..... good luck OP 🙈🙈🙈🙈

CambsAlways · 24/05/2020 18:03

I wouldn’t be happy however well I got on with them

Lou12124 · 24/05/2020 18:04

I get on so well with my in laws and even I couldn't deal with this. My MIL always wants to see my kids so if she lived next door it would be everyday in my house! I really feel your pain. Who knows...it may work out just fine and you have free babysitting that's just next door!! 🤷🏼‍♀️

LlamaofDrama · 24/05/2020 18:04

If my in laws moved next door, DH would move out, never mind me!.

EmmaC67 · 24/05/2020 18:05

This would be my idea of hell! Total invasion of privacy. How can they/your husband not see that or even discuss the impact it might have on your lives. To my mind they appear to be quite selfish. If it were me I would be looking for another house, though appreciate that its not as easy as that. Think it will be very difficult for you to maintain a civilized relationship with them and tensions will rise. No easy answers. Persuade them to sell it on? You move? You put up with it, it might not be as bad as you think (though am doubtful)? Feel for you!