In-laws moving next door

[Lotsofluv]

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

OP, when you gobbed off at a previous poster who spent time typing out a response to your shit husbands choice to move his parents inches away, channel that gob to your shit husbands parents. You certainly weren’t handwringing about anyone here ‘thinking you’re rude’, so you can state boundaries with the three people dominating you IRL.

Good luck with the disintegration of your marriage though

YANBU. My ILs nearly bought a house down the street from us. I told DH we were moving if they purchased it. Luckily they bought a few streets and a steep hill away. She can't see us & can't walk that far so I was relieved.

They're opinionated, interfering, judgemental types, so ANY movement - comings/goings/visitors/noise/unmown grass would be noted, judged, commented upon and gossiped about to the rest of the family. They'd be at our house whenever we were home. No f*cking way. I'd move!!

they have been very generous to us over the years,

So they basically paid your house deposit?

Does everyone know how much it costs to move?
Maybe the OP doesn't want or can spend thousands to move away from their home because the ILs have been so high-handed. Not to mention the upheaval.

It's worth seeing how it goes first with boundaries up.

@Timekeeper1 - l personally couldn't see what the problem was with what you said.

@Lotsofluv - l had sympathy up until you attacked Timekeeper. Really don't know why you posted on AIBU if you can't take the answers....and if you are that sensitive to be upset by advise.... then you are going to have a truly shit life ahead wiping your MIL arse and doing their housework when they can't

@FourDecades
Another rude person🤷🏼‍♀️

Timekeeper. you are completely out of order.

No just realistic about what your future looks like.

Anyway I'd rather be a "rude person" then a doormat

@Nanny0gg
Thank you for being reasonable.x

Boundaries need to be started now and maintained when they actually move in. It’s not all about them and l would take particular pains to maintain your own life. Rather then OH giving into the way MIL wants to do things. Yeah MIL for example may want to do roast every Sunday and it go on for half the day, whereas you value your weekends and enjoy seeing friends some Sunday’s. YANBU for feeling the way you do

Can you not nip in the bud the expectation of just popping in, by saying 'now I know you'll value your privacy, especially as the kids get older and noisier you won't want them wandering in and out, so I suggest we set down a couple of rules before you move in' And make it about them not about you, and set out ground rules about NOT popping in.

@FourDecades
🤣🤣 doormat!
Really don’t see how how I’m a door mat but if it makes you feel good being rude🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think you are, even with the best relationship in the world with your parents or in laws living so close would be hard!

I think for me it would be more lack of privacy rather than other things especially if you have thin walls or out in the garden etc

We are moving to the same area as in laws and I'm worried about them just popping in unannounced if I'm in my pj's or haven't tidied up and the house is a mess but I think if that happened we would have to be firm and say sorry now isn't a good time, maybe later/tomorrow etc. I'm quite a private person, don't need people around me, like to raise my children how I want etc so I really do feel for you

I hope when they move in it's not as bad as you fear and they don't impose or you may be wanting to move sooner than later!

Good luck!!

My mother moved in next door - I thought at the beginning it would be ok but within 3 years I had a breakdown and ended up in hospital.
It was the constant lack of privacy, her popping in all the time etc that did it. And setting boundaries was impossible as she just ignored them. If we ignored her knock she just wandered round the back and came in anyway (we rarely locked all the doors if in), she developed a 'special knock so we knew it was she so I was always on edge waiting for it.

@Pygmyseahorse

You sound exactly like me, fingers crossed for both of us that it’s not that bad at all. At least we have given it a go even if it doesn’t work out. X

@Lotsofluv FourDecades
🤣🤣 doormat!
Really don’t see how how I’m a door mat but if it makes you feel good being rude🤷🏼‍♀️

I really don't understand why being called a doormat is so funny to you. Whilst it is unkind to say, it is sadly imo true. Your DH and PIL agreed that they would live right beside you, overlooking your garden,with absolutely zero interest in how you did or didnt feel about it. You are going to just go with it despite the lack of respect shown so sadly that makes what fourdecades, rudely said, true.

@Springcatkin
Oh no! Sorry to hear that☹️..
How are you now? Did you move ?x

@recycledbottle
Ok 👍

Also, they currently live over an hour away? Sooooo their social circle in your patch is going to be - eerrrrmm - you and DH. For the foreseeable future, if not forever. I can just year "D"H laying on the guilt with a trowel: "but, honey, they don't know anybody here, they're just lonely."

I think FizzyGreenWater's advice is spot on. Go with it.

It doesn’t matter whether you are able to continually pretend to put on your coat and go out when they ring the bell, or whether you can grow a hedge high enough to obscure their view. That won’t change the fact that your life and home as you enjoy it now is going to change for the worse. You should never have been put in a position where you’re forced to go along with all of this and accommodate it just because it suits your husband and in-laws.

Had a place built on a vacant plot at the rear of my parents long garden (after speaking to them about it) and actually put a path through. Lived there for 13 very happy years. It worked out great. DH was very close to my Dad and DS idolised him. Saw them most days, usually in the garden but didn't live in each other's pockets. Not for everyone, I agree, but it worked for us.

Omg no no no NO
I am speaking from experience I hated it my in laws were next door and OMG I felt like we were always been watched!
FIL the biggest hypochondriac and the biggest CF
He would deliberately start jobs at a time when he knew DH would be finishing work so he would go and help.
They were utter poison.
Good luck op

For those giving OP a hard time about being a door mat or why not just move... It's not really that simple is it?

Yes DH and IL's have been collosal cunts in organising this behind OP's back, but she can't really just up and leave him over it can she? How would the kids feel? And what would they think of their mother once DH and his parents start gleefully telling them she ripped the family apart out of spite?

As for moving, easy to say but in practice DH can just refuse, OP can't force him too. Additionally something doesn't sit right with me about OP being forced out of her (I'm assuming) beloved home. Given that IL's are bellends with plenty of disposable income they'd likely just follow anyway. All of this is assuming that OP is even in a position to be able to move, it's really not that easy.

OP you have my sympathies, and YANBU at all.

Some other excellent and practical suggestions on here about setting boundaries early on and adapting the fencing/bushes to increase your privacy.

Yikes!

My DH wants to retire to the small village both his parents and sister live in, with one main one-way road that takes you past both of them.

Just no!!