That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

Companies themselves are sexist. DH’s female colleague (same job, same salary) has been furloughed because she needs to look after her DC. DH has not been furloughed and is expected to continue working, even though he also has DC. There’s an unspoken expectation that because DH has a wife, she (me) will look after his DC.

He’s WFH and is expected to work his normal hours. The other day I had to go out to fetch my mum’s medication so I left DC with DH - he failed to answer the phone to his boss, who was utterly furious that he was unavailable during work hours. He apologised and said he had to look after DC for half an hour, only to be met with “This is unacceptable - wheres your wife?!”

Rhodri Did your husband challenge the unspoken expectation at the time when it became apparent?

@Eckhart are you blaming the player or the game?

I'm not blaming anybody. I've already stated very clearly that I think blaming is not the way forward.

@JacobReesMogadishu I didn’t moan about the golf (you clearly haven’t RTT). I didn’t moan about looking after my children.

But your implication that I can (or should) control what my H does with his spare time is beyond ridiculous.

Again you’re clutching at straws.

@Eckhart

Long overdue for EVERYONE to get back to work and end lockdown.

My frustration, which I have made very clear, is with the government’s exit strategy and how that is skewed in favour of men (in hetero two job households with children yadda yadda).

And you simply can’t argue that golf is a sport dominated by male players at all levels.

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion

I assumed that this was about your husband going back to work. Because you were talking about your husband. Going back to work.

If you feel there's an imbalance in golf that you don't like, go play golf. Nobody is stopping you but you. Or, as a woman (and thereby excluded from golf?) you could go and do one of the women-friendly activities, like going for a run or taking a picnic lunch to the park and meeting up with a friend. Or promenading. Or whatever ladies do, in your century.

There's lots of households in your situation but the other way round sex-wise. There are even couples without a man or without a woman who are being skewed in this way in terms of childcare/return to work.

Your own outlook is full of sexist bias. So you will perceive sexism where it is and where it isn't. It isn't in this issue.

FWIW Muirfield only allowed women in 2014

@Eckhart what are you on about?

I don’t care if there’s an imbalance in golf, I’m not remotely interested in it.

As I already said more than once when DH plays golf I get the same time back to myself to do cross stitch or make candies.

You’re deliberately finding contention because you want to disagree with me, which is fine, but argue the point, don’t make it about something it’s not.

The return to work policy isn’t skewed towards men. They’ve just said for people to go back to work. If, given your personal circumstances, only your DH can go back to work then that is not a government policy issue.

As I’ve already said earlier in the thread this is not about my personal circumstances so much as it’s about how the government is planning to facilitate women going back to work - or not as the case appears to be right now.

Maybe the government are so enlightened that they don’t feel they need to facilitate women going back to work, because they recognise that so very many of us never stopped being at work in the first place.

On the plus side, if golf isn’t your cup of tea, tennis clubs are also open again.

Now you’re just being silly @artesia. Maybe you’d like to tell the chancellor that as he’s signing off the bill for furlough.

I hate tennis too.

You’re deliberately finding contention because you want to disagree with me, which is fine, but argue the point, don’t make it about something it’s not

Lots of projection, here.

I don't know who you are. I'm not interested in whether we agree or not.

My point is, you have chosen to live amongst sexist people, are sexist yourself, and so, see sexism in places where it is, an where it is not.

You have a little dig at everyone who disagrees with you. That's nice.

This thread is driving me insane. I work full-time in a difficult and stressful job (lawyer) but I can work from home and my wife can’t. We have four school-age children. I have therefore for the last two months been working at home five days a week, sometime breaking off to spend more than an hour helping our youngest with her work, breaking up fights, making lunches, washing up, cleaning etc while my wife gets out of the house nearly every day. Oh, and I have carried on doing most of the entertaining of the kids at the weekend too, as I always have. Don’t presume it’s the women who have been shouldering all the burden of lockdown as it isn’t.

Working mothers are being driven back to the kitchen sink by the coronavirus crisis, according to a report to be published this week.

The study, by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS), reveals that mothers have taken on far more childcare and home education than fathers since schools closed in March. Women are also more likely to be furloughed and at risk of losing their jobs.

Coronavirus loading mothers with washing, cooking and home schooling www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/news/coronavirus-loading-mothers-with-washing-cooking-and-home-schooling-2spg29b3n

ameteurdad no one thinks that. There are lots of examples of households where it doesn’t apply.

But seriously, if you have to go back to the office and there is still no childcare what then? We are facing a summer holiday without any clubs

@AmateurDad at the population level it’ll still be women who do this most for a whole number of subtle structural reasons. One stat coming g out already I’d that one academic journal had a 50% increase in submissions from male academics in April. And as Wollstonecraft recognised 250 years ago, make things better for women, you make things better for all societally.

One more thing, tell your wife to share the load at the weekend, you need a break.

I find the way traditional women's work is portrayed as degrading. The wording; "chained to the kitchen sink." A slave/not treated with respect.
I'm a stay at home mum/homemaker/whatever you want to call me. I don't work but I don't stop working.
It is difficult and very important work. I became one by accident. We had twins are we couldn't afford childcare. I love being home with them. The hardest thing has been the way I've been talked about. "Just" a stay at home. Jesus Christ, I'm raising the next generation!
I think the coronavirus highlights how we have continuously undermined the essential work of caring - for everyone - for elderly parents, for children, for the house.
Men can do the work and women can do the work. Who cares.
But the work is very important and was undermined prior to the coronavirus. We built our houses on sands.

AmateurDad

You're like the one white guy at a civil rights march who gets roughed up and wants a medal for his sacrifice.

Most women are totally fucked here and you're one guy struggling to balance responsibilities. One swallow does not a summer make.

We women will focus on our own plight here just now... if that's ok with you, of course. Feel free to start a conversation about the plight of working men in lockdown and beyond.

@zipzap02 I don’t feel like you are “just” a stay at home mum. I completely understand it’s one of the longest hardest jobs there is. That said I’m actually envious of you as I wish I could afford to be a SAHM (maybe I will have no choice now anyway without free hours of childcare).

However I still think SAHMs have the short straw under lockdown. Because you’re still working but essentially your budget has been cut and all your resources withdrawn.

Now you don’t get a break (no grandparents or external childcare) and when you’re working all your go-to activities and excursions are unavailable.

And you make a good point about caring responsibilities. My parents are both disabled and elderly. It’s very hard to adequately care for them too when you can’t even go in the house to put the baby down so you can unload the shopping.

PicsinRed, AmateurDad is only corroborating what many of us women have also been saying. That we either never stopped working or are back to work while our male partners are doing the lion’s share of home school and child care and housekeeping. There’s no need to get nasty towards him because he’s a man.

We can't afford to be a stay at home parents either.
We have made sacrifices. We aren't well off. And if you can't work, you can survive on government benefits. It's not a good life but everyone has the choice in this country.
There are families surviving on handouts - fact.
You might not want to do it. Live
On less like us - my husband works very hard we don't receive hand outs. Or live off the government if you can't afford to live on one wage but everyone could.
Makes me angry also, like I'm living it up.

PicsinRed, AmateurDad is only corroborating what many of us women have also been saying

Thank goodness a man has come along to give weighting to your point, you must feel relieved that everyone will now take note

Amadad - I'm sorry you're treated like this. My husband works hard too. I'm sorry you're not listened to.

“The study, by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS), reveals that mothers have taken on far more childcare and home education than fathers since schools closed in March. Women are also more likely to be furloughed and at risk of losing their jobs.”

I went to IFS and this is not yet published. It’s supposed to be released on 27 May. In addition, it’s not a study but a survey done on 4000 families in England. If you have any scientific background, you’d know that a survey is not very reliable for drawing any population level scientific conclusions. It’s easy and cheap.
www.ifs.org.uk/coronavirus