That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

Decades of research shows repeatedly that women in heterosexual relationships do the lion's share of childcare and housework, regardless of how much they and their partner each work

Because they are forced to?

If not, why are women still agreeing to this set up?

fascinated it's also not represented in the many posts on MN about male partners who fail to pull their weight around the house or with childcare.

These come up every week, year round. With a peak around the summer holidays and Xmas.

Given that men use this site too, I wonder how many 'I'm really struggling with wfh and homeschooling' threads they've started?

Oh for Christ sakes. OP has previously not appreciated just what an issue structural inequality is. Now she tentatively asks about it and people, lots of them women, are gleefully jumping on her gloating. Talk about bitchy behaviour. Jeezus. Is nobody allowed to question, to wonder, to have things slowly dawn on them? Women fighting among themselves and putting each other down is internalised misogyny. And it suits the patriarchy just fine...

Because they are forced to?

If not, why are women still agreeing to this set up?

Because social norms, 'everyday sexism', societal and familial pressures, gender stereotypes, structural inequality etc are very very ingrained.

Another interesting thing that I haven't given much thought to until lockdown is how it is acceptable and a cause for sympathy when a man is left feeling bereft because his very identity is wrapped up in his profession. My DP is well respected in a niche profession but is furloughed. Aside from facilitating my caring for my mother who passed a few weeks ago while living with us - which he did very well and for which I am grateful - he has been a lost puppy, alternately throwing himself into household tasks and railing against having nothing to do, because his sense of self is so wrapped up in his job.

On a personal level, for whatever reason, I have never been as bound up in what I do for a living as that. I have done jobs - some of which have been more engaging and pleasurable than others, but my identity has first and foremost been daughter, wife / partner, mother. I am not sure how much control I have had over that. I have always been expected to put my job aside for the immediate needs of people around me, and pick up the pieces later.

Just an idle observation - not intending to derail - but am very much appreciative of this thread and the perspectives herein .......

And the feminist thing is interesting - as a teenager I felt I was a feminist but as I got older, the fear of being labelled a man hater turned me away from the subject - my cry became "Why can't we all just get along?" and then as life goes on and one just gets on with it all, the opportunity to analyse becomes rarer, and the feeling that one is being somehow self-indulgent by doing so is pernicious.

Well I find throwing an insult like 'ok babe, calm your tits' response the most illuminating phrase of this thread, after the feminist one. Seeped in misogyny. God forbid women talk about their rights and the inequality.

Sneering at feminism but complaining about the inequality of women.

It's all worth it for the pat on the bum

I would argue that yes, any are “forced to”.

Because if the alternative is your kids not eating properly, not having clean clothes, not having the right kit for school, living in a dirty house because that is what many men would allow to happen..would you sit back and let that happen? Would you? Or would you LTB, and become a single parent, with all the issues that entails? What do you suggest women do, faced with such men? Call up their mothers for a refund?

(NB That last bit was a joke, for the avoidance of doubt. In case anyone thinks I am blaming the previous generation of women for failing to resolve structural inequality and battle insidious sex stereotypes.)

Sorry, of course I mean “many”, not “any”.

I am far from a feminist

Yeah, that's a big problem. Women are half the population, if we'd all rise up we could change the world.

Is nobody allowed to question, to wonder, to have things slowly dawn on them?

Yay to this. Especially when feminist/feminism seem to have become dirty words or associated with some militant stereotype...
A few years back i didn't think much about structural inequalities or rolled my eyes at friends who seemed to find sexism where I thought there was just jokes or banter. Having children and thinking about how I wanted them to grow up and what I wanted to teach them has made me question and my viewpoint has changed a lot.

He earns more than you. So yes he goes back first. This isn't a feminist issue. It is your personal circumstances.

This. I know lots of couples where the women earn more. Those that can’t work from home have gone back to work and the man is at home with the kids. They’re just choosing the best financial option.

At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

If you need/want some time to yourself at the weekends after having the kids all week, tell your husband. If he’s not a twat, he won’t choose golf over his wife and children. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, JasperRising, and the everyday sexism is represented in the OP itself. She's passively agreeing to play the game, but complaining about the rules.

Having the confidence to stand up against the prejudices is the way to leave the victim mentality behind. If OP isn't happy with her household set up, she needs to change it. It's her household. Nobody can do it for her.

@Dances clearly being the fanny-hurt angry feminist that you are you fail to appreciate irony.

Not sure what response you anticipated but I don’t think your own thinly veiled insult dignified one of any substance.

Why are you “far from a feminist” and name calling?

Feminism is just wanting equality for women.

@AlwaysAnEmptySpace RTWT I said I get back the same amount of time to myself as the golf takes.

My point is the variety of getting to enjoy a pastime, while some of us remain under lockdown conditions.

Getting out of the house with the purpose of doing something meaningful, ie a job, is a vital health stimulus that many of us have been missing.

I wish I'd not wasted twenty minutes of my life reading this tosh OP. You have literally nothing logical to say and your insults towards other users are puerile, sexist and revolting. I find it extremely hard to believe you are educated to post grad level. Standards must have dropped massively since I was at uni

@dozer where am I name calling?

Having the confidence to stand up against the prejudices is the way to leave the victim mentality behind. If OP isn't happy with her household set up, she needs to change it. It's her household. Nobody can do it for her.

Well yes. But that's alot easier to day than it is for a lot of people to do! Not everyone has the same confidence, and it might take time and money in retraining etc.

In an ideal world there won't be the prejudices and structural inequalities so it wouldn't be on individuals to have to have the confidence to stand up to them.

Think how many of them will still be doing the second shift + homeschooling when they aren't at work.

Then don’t put up with a shit partner where this is expected of you. Seriously, things won’t change for many women until they seriously increase their standards in what they expect of their partner.

@FleecyMoo please point me to where I have insulted anyone?

Sure, good luck with your problem.

@dances likewise

fascinated Yes, it looks like lots of women who are upset about how sexist the world is have married sexist men. So, their world IS sexist. My point is that it's up to them who they married, and whether they stay in unhappy marriages that don't meet their needs.

You seem to think that LTB automatically entails financial and child-rearing disaster. Which is a sexist view in itself. Many women have left their husbands and improved theirs and their childrens lives.

I wonder if because "on paper" women have a semblance of the rights that our predecessors fought for - ie inheritance rights, the vote, equal opportunities etc - it is difficult to address the remaining inequalities because 1. - We've got what we wanted so why are we still complaining? and 2. Until we hit a practical roadblock that effects our own lives, it isn't clear how many other women are having difficulties?

We are taught to search for many holy grails during our lives which though technologically advanced, mean that very advancement gives us even more things to juggle in addition to greater understanding of how best to rear children etc ect while trying to maintain equality in the workplace.

A PP mentioned some men having it hard in lockdown too -the whole lockdown situation is - dare I repeat it - unprecedented. Grappling with the inequality of the sexes could be considered peripheral because "we're all in it together" - yet the day to day lived experiences of posters here suggests structural inequality exists and may be a political hot potato - butin the face of a global pandemic, it is easy to suggest to women that they should put up and shut up because there are bigger things going on.

Op, my home is the exact opposite of yours. I never stopped working. DH did.

If you had said that ‘people’ going out to work had returned to pre lockdown while ‘people’ unable to return to work due to childcare etc were still in lockdown I would have agreed with you. It’s not about being female.

I will never rely on anyone male or female to support me.