That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

Why is your husband and your friend's husbands going back to work surely they should be sharing childcare have children together. I feel like if you set up a relationship with really traditional gender roles where the mum and does the childcare than they are going to be disadvantaged in the workplace. Obviously this is hopefully a very rare occurrence having an impact on women in the workplace. But there are still going to be things in the workplace which are difficult for women is they are expected to do the Lion's share of the childcare in a relationship. I think until workplaces are more family friendly unfortunately it's up to us to set our relationships up to ensure that things are shared equally.

It's not about hitching up with neanderthals FFS - one's husband or DP can be a male feminist but when it comes down to the practical nitty gritty of life, there are massive structural inequalities that have yet to be addressed and that have to be negotiated in individual relationships.

@sadie789 if your husband earns we'll surely you can afford childcare?

My husband has been furloughed and is still at home. I've been working throughout and continue to be working fulltime since lockdown
He's the one that's been stuck at home.

@bilabongg - really? Have you missed the whole “there is no childcare during lockdown” part of this discussion?

yurona I think you need to break down what actually happens when someone makes a choice to have a low paid job. Then you'll be able to see how little choice people actually have. Are you seriously suggesting that everyone living in poverty could just choose to get a highly paid job? Seriously?

@Okrightbut

Why are our husbands at the behest of their own employers who want them back to fulfil their contractual requirements in order to retain their jobs and earn their salaries. Hmm, I don’t know, that’s a real puzzler...

No you’re right, they should definitely tell the struggling businesses they work for that they want to reduce their hours as we hurtle towards a global economic depression.

@Sadie789 - there is one childcare option, you could get a nanny.

glynnfLuff.
During the same years, did the male partner find it so nightmarish? Or were you taking the strain and doing the emotional labour?

It was actually my dh who found it nightmarish......he did every single childminder drop off and pick up for 3 years. He took all the strain and he was actually the only one earning a wage. Every time Dd was poorly he took a day off work. I’ve never taken a day off to look after her in 18 years.

@Sadie789 No, why?

I was referring to this point in your OP, did I interpret it wrong?

*When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case

Do you care at all that it isn’t safe to open play parks. This isn’t a government conspiracy to keep women at home. You actually sound like a complete idiot. The more you talk the less coherent your point is.

@powerstruggle

I completely disagree that it isn’t safe to open play parks. What would your rationale for that be - that the ‘virus lives on metal surfaces for 3 days’ just like it apparently lives on cardboard and envelopes and in bushes that you have to brush past to give people a 2m wide berth on the pavement?

Because I think that nonsense has been debunked a thousand times over already.

@PowerStruggle oh and by the way, a sure sign of losing an argument is when you start name calling instead of confidently putting your point across.

But why do you need play parks open? What difference will that make to your life?

Nannies are in short supply at the best of times where I live. I prefer a nursery setting for childcare for multiple reasons that preclude a nanny even if I could find one. Too many horror stories.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras it would make a huge difference to my children’s lives. Because my older DC window looks out on our local one and she asks daily if the swings are open again.

It’s a small concession in the absence of broader common sense in this whole ridiculous saga.

@alittlerespectgoesalongway nobody has talked about poverty. The discussion is about women feeling trapped because the husband - as the bigger earner - is going out and the wife stays at home with the kids, with no opportunity to go to softplay, classes and clubs. Softplay, classes and clubs usually don’t feature in the daily activities of people living in poverty.

Ironically, a lot of the traditional badly paid jobs are keyworkers (carers, supermarket workers, nurses, nursery workers, some factory work, many cleaners) so the problem doesn’t apply - there is school/nursery provision for keyworkers. It is mainly the problem of people who earn slightly more.
But I have zero tolerance for women who choose to enjoy extended maternity leave, choose a job they know won’t pay bills, and/or (very) part time work, and then later on don’t want to pay the bill. Doing any of these tends to come with a cost, and that cost is the risk of dependency on a main breadwinner.

It was actually my dh who found it nightmarish......he did every single childminder drop off and pick up for 3 years. He took all the strain and he was actually the only one earning a wage. Every time Dd was poorly he took a day off work. I’ve never taken a day off to look after her in 18 years.

Well done you. But it is still does not negate the fact that at population level the greater amount of childcare and responsibility for pick ups (or arranging childcare) lies with women

You should definitely be back at work if you are qualified to tell us that normal social interaction is now completely fine and a bunch of kids climbing all over each other isn’t going to cause the virus to spread. I take it all back, you’re a genius.

"The virus" and Mammon are level pegging to create the perfect storm of oppression right across the board. Fun times eh?

We're the opposite.
I'm a frontline worker for the NHS and DH works in trades.
I'm working while he homeschools. His boss has asked if he can go back but as we don't have childcare in place he's had to say for now.
I can't wait til everything goes back to normal.

What difference would opening playgrounds make? You do realise that children have had almost everything that makes their lives enjoyable taken away from them? Interaction with friends and extended family, playgrounds, libraries, cafes, zoos, shops, swimming, holidays, play dates, train and bus trips, museums - all gone. And yet if we dare to suggest this might have made a negative difference to their lives, we’re told to stop complaining. Of course reopening playgrounds would make a bloody difference to my DD’s life. She’s four and her world has been upended.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Why shouldn’t women want to be a SAHM in 2020? Why is career progression/salary seen as the benchmark for success? It sounds a bit like you don’t place any value being a SAHM.

yorona of course you are talking about poverty if you suggest people can just choose a better paying job. I think you are now saying that you are talking about people who have well paid jobs and then make choices which financially are not of benefit later. That seems like quite a change in position. And it still does not acknowledge the structural inequalities which are hugely influential in (some) women's choices to take extended mat leave or get part time jobs after kids.

You've also slipped in 'choose a job they know won't pay bills' as if this is unproblematic. I don't know anyone who has really chosen a job that doesn't pay the bills. I know loads of people who can't earn more though much as they'd want to. Can you offer any evidence for the suppositions you must be making with this statement?

All those piping up with:

"But lots of women are still working in lockdown"

Think how many of them will still be doing the second shift + homeschooling when they aren't at work.

YANBU OP.