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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member pregnant aibu not to employ her (details to follow).

129 replies

Stanzasranza · 23/05/2020 09:35

I need someone to help me in my small (side) business - basically to accept deliveries/package deliveries/take to post office etc as it’s too time consuming and my time could be better spent doing other things in the business.

These deliveries/parcels are heavy - would be expected to carry heavy boxes at least 6/8 times a day as well as driving to the clients to do potential set up/collection. Not my job but similar: fixing large office printers - I’ll do the fixing while I need someone to collect/deliver/set up as I’ve spent at least 10 years perfecting my trade/experience and not in the position to pay for similar experience. I’m looking at employing someone maybe 12 hours a week split however they want to either over 2/3/4 days - in mind I had either a college/uni student to fit around their studies with a bit more overtime when I’m able to accept more work as I’m not driving over the place.

I mentioned this to a family member in passing and he’s rang me up to tell me that his girlfriend is willing to start whenever I’m ready and when I said that I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting her lift the boxes from the car to the trolley he said that I’d need to support her with the lifting (therefore I’d also need to go in the car with her) and then I might as well do it myself. He’s rang my partner today (it’s my business but he’s probably more friendly with my partner) asking him to talk to me to see what we can do to accommodate her as he doesn’t want his GF lifting but feels ‘we should keep it in the family’.

AIBU to think he’s bit of a CF?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 23/05/2020 10:00

Just say you have decided you are going to do it yourself. You may be able to use not being able to distance in the car and Covid as an excuse. Then just don’t. Just look for someone else.

Cherrysoup · 23/05/2020 10:02

He does not get to decided who you employ. A pregnant woman can’t lift heavy boxes, so she’s automatically unsuitable. Just tell him no, he’s a really cf to demand you give her the job and id be flipping fuming that he’d phoned your partner to get him to persuade you when it’s YOUR business! The cheek!

Ginfordinner · 23/05/2020 10:03

Please don't do what winewolf suggests. It will look like you are willing to negotiate. Just say that she isn't able fulfil the job description. End of.

Spidey66 · 23/05/2020 10:04

As someone else said, fair enough if she was already doing the job then got pregnant. She shouldn't be do8ng this kind of work during the pregnancy.

lynzpynz · 23/05/2020 10:05

I'm 7 months pregnant, no way could I be lifting heavy boxes and couldn't have been doing this for quite some time already! It's proba ly different if you already employed her as she would have more rights but to expect her to be given a new role when it's been clearly acknowledged she cannot physically do the role is lunacy!

Tell the family member no, as he's already said she can't physically do the role at present. You are happy to consider her when she returns from maternity and can do the role however? Playing the family card is to try to guilt you into accepting a ridiculous un-workable situation!

Canyousewcushions · 23/05/2020 10:08

This does sound ideal. But if I were you I'd also make sure I'd read up on the protected characteristics rights around maternity- legally, being pregnant is not a reason to not employ her. Not wanting to employ a CF is more justifiable!!

Kickanxietyinthebeanbag · 23/05/2020 10:09

Cf

Canyousewcushions · 23/05/2020 10:09

I wouldn't specifically say that pregnancy is the reasoning though.

Soubriquet · 23/05/2020 10:11

So...he wants you to pay her...so you can do her job?

Yeah...not happening

BumpBundle · 23/05/2020 10:11

From a legal perspective, you can't not hire her because she's pregnant. As ridiculous as that sounds the law is unreasonable on maternity. However, a) they wouldn't sue you, b) they wouldn't get anything if they did sue you and c) you're morally in the right.
I wouldn't employ her if I were you. She can't do the job and apparently you're not allowed to speak to her and your whole business has to go through her agent (partner). Tell them that you need someone who can actually do the job.

WalktheSky · 23/05/2020 10:15

I hope he doesn't start bleating on about discrimination. She cannot carry out the job in her current situation, end of! He's a dick btw.

Rainbowshine · 23/05/2020 10:16

Just tell them you need to get the right person for the role so there’s no automatic shoe-in for family. Also you could say it’s still unclear how long you will be able to employ someone and better to be a “stranger” if it doesn’t work out than upset a family member.

dottiedodah · 23/05/2020 10:18

I wouldnt entertain this at all .Also as PP have said even if she wasnt pregnant .its asking for trouble for family members to work for you as well. CFs the both of them!

toinfinityandlockdown · 23/05/2020 10:19

Pregnancy is actually the red herring as is her lifting ability. Emloying a family member is fraught with difficulty. Tell him you value your business and family too much to mix business with pleasure and you aren't going to consider any family members for the role.

PersephoneandHades · 23/05/2020 10:21

While I agree that in these circumstances you shouldn’t feel obliged to employ her and her boyfriend does sound cheeky, it is the fear of a woman getting pregnant that stops them from having as many employment opportunities as men.

If she was already your employee then got pregnant and could no longer lift the boxes what would you have done? Is it not a part of business that you need to be prepared for circumstances where your employees may not be able to do their usual tasks due to health reasons (such as pregnancy or a broken leg, etc) or due to going on maternity leave?

pinkyredrose · 23/05/2020 10:22

From a legal perspective, you can't not hire her because she's pregnant. She hasn't been offered or not offered a job though, her boyfriend saying 'great, when can she start* doesn't mean that a jobs been offered, they're just trying it on.

Aghast that the brother spoke to your partner to try and persuade you though!

PersephoneandHades · 23/05/2020 10:23

I also agree that the worst part of this situation is that you would be employing a family member! Sounds much too risky imo

AJPTaylor · 23/05/2020 10:25

As pp, I would just state that you will not employ any family to avoid problems.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 23/05/2020 10:27

er No,

Spied · 23/05/2020 10:27

Just no. She can't do the job.

ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 23/05/2020 10:28

Unanimous?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 23/05/2020 10:28

Use the family connection as your excuse though

puppypuppypuppypuppy · 23/05/2020 10:28

Well you can't not employ her specifically because she's pregnant but if she's not capable of carrying out the job required it's enough reason.

Just say you can't employ her because she can't fulfil the role.

converseandjeans · 23/05/2020 10:32

Agree with everyone else. If you had advertised the job & actually offered her the job then reneged on it because she was pregnant that would be a minefield. However you have not made any job offer he has just presumed. Also I would be annoyed if he went behind my back to speak to the partner.

Jimmers · 23/05/2020 10:34

You don’t already employ her so you have absolutely no legal obligation. Advertise the job. State clearly in the advert & job description/person spec that an essential requirement of the job is a lot of heavy lifting. If she chooses to apply you can reject her on the grounds that she doesn’t meet the essential criteria.

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