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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gratitude Pebble - AIBU to not understand the meaning of this?

33 replies

Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 15:10

My DH and I are in our 70s and have complex health needs and we are both in the shielding category so haven’t left home in months now. We don’t have any family in this country apart from a DD and her DF.

This morning while bringing in a parcel, I noticed that someone has entered our property (gate, long driveway) and left a shop/online bought pebble with the word GRATITUDE on our doorstep.

I’m not sure if it was supposed to be a kind thought/random act of kindness or if it’s a trend at the moment (we aren’t on social media). It’s actually upset DH quite a bit as he feels someone is trying to send a message that we are somehow seen as ungrateful and need to be outwardly seen as having more gratitude. It’s also made us feel a little more vulnerable as someone has clearly went to some effort to deliver this as we aren’t directly on the road. We’ve asked everyone we know if it was them (in a friendly way!) and the general consensus is “no it wasn’t us, how odd!”. We’ve also recently had someone drop a camping chair in our garden oddly!
Our DD has tried to say maybe it is someone who wants to say they are grateful to us for some sort of a kindness but she’s also a little spooked as she’s been doing a lot of voluntary work helping a lot of people and has been having trouble with a stalker since lockdown who knows she grew up in this house and has previously trespassed here (although not for many years now).

Does anyone know what these pebbles are meant to represent?

OP posts:
zscaler · 22/05/2020 15:12

I expect it’s some attempt to spread good feelings / make people smile but I agree it’s misguided to leave them on people’s actual doorsteps - that’s an imposition and likely not going to be welcome.

TenShortStories · 22/05/2020 15:18

That is odd. My best guess is that someone local has bought a load and is delivering them to people who are stuck at home and they feel might appreciate them. I think it's meant to be an invisible good deed type of thing.

I can't imagine that anyone who feels you should be more grateful would bother spending money to buy you a stone and then risk being spotted putting it in your garden (although I'm not diminishing the upset, I can see why it might be taken to be a insult too).

Do you have a local facebook page? Worth a look to see if others have mentioned getting similar.

ShinyMe · 22/05/2020 15:18

Someone I know on social media has been getting her 5 year old painting on pebbles this week and dropping them off on people's doorsteps. I don't get it. She showed photos of loads of them, with butterflies and rainbows and words like JOY on them.

Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 15:20

Thank you, someone has just mentioned that sometimes pebbles are used on driveways to mark out someone’s home as vulnerable and easy for burglars to target. We have good home security and a good relationship with the local bobby but will step things up.

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Witchend · 22/05/2020 15:21

I suspect it's a misguided idea to give good wishes.
I do agree that it isn't really thought through and is much more for the giver to feel they're being kind than the receiver.
There was a phase where I lived at one point for youth groups to suggest this sort of thing-putting clothes pegs with a message like "you are special" on people while shopping.
The youth groups thought they were spreading lovely kind messages, but the majority of people who got one felt targeted and upset.

Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 15:21

@ShinyMe yes, I’ve heard of that and can see that would be sweet but this has been manufactured and bought and Gratitude seems like an odd word to us...but maybe it’s a trend these days we don’t quite get!

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 22/05/2020 15:34

My area is littered with crochet bombing little hearts with positive messages. It’s got NOTHING to do you with you personally.
It’s either someone lovely who thinks they’re being helpful, or someone who is rather more selfish and only thinking about what makes THEM feel good.
Really don’t take it personally.
Gratitude is a buzzword, but it’s not a great one to foist on others!

RaininSummer · 22/05/2020 15:34

A bit odd but perhaps the message intended is more about being grateful for the good things in life rather than expressing or not expressing gratitude to others. I wouldn't worry about it.

Ellisandra · 22/05/2020 15:37

@Spooked45 you’re spot on that it’s a trend word. You can buy journals called “Gratitude Journals” and there are articles telling you to write down / mediate on what you are grateful for. Which is not a bad thing. But to our generation (I’m 50s) there’s really an implication in that word that’s more a ticking off - “you OUGHT to bloody well be grateful, quit complaining!”
So it’s not a word I’d write on a stone for anyone Wink

Ellisandra · 22/05/2020 15:38

100% it’s not personal.

AvoidingRealHumans · 22/05/2020 15:38

I think it is someone trying to spread some joy by leaving these pebbles out and about, it is a bit much to go through someone's gate and leave on their doorstep though.

Is your daughter on social media? Could she ask on your local Facebook page if anyone knows what it's about.

I doubt someone would got to the trouble of ordering one of these and putting it on your step to send you a message so I wouldn't panic. Theres loads of hand painted stones about where we live, it isn't unusual.

Magicbabywaves · 22/05/2020 15:40

Sounds naff

BissueTox · 22/05/2020 15:42

I've just thought of a couple of people I would like to write a message on a pebble to except it wouldn't be as pleasant as gratitude and it would be delivered by hurling it through their window... Grin

I wouldn't actually do it, but it's good to fantasise sometimes 😎

Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 15:44

Thank you everyone, perhaps due to our age it did seem a bit more like an instruction (that we had to be more grateful)...maybe memories of relatives making us feel guilty when we were children haha!

No our daughter isn’t on social media due to the stalking situation. I mentioned that because she said “it’s literally a token of gratitude” trying to put a positive spin on things and as we aren’t really able to do much for others at the moment it’s only her that anyone could be grateful to at the moment, if I’m making any sense.

I’m being daft to take it personally, I know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 15:46

Also it’s definitely not hand painted, it’s very clearly manufactured. Haha, Bissuebox Grin I understand how frustrating people could be, I think I’d hurl it across the kitchen at DH sometimes!

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nibdedibble · 22/05/2020 15:46

It doesn't sound personal at all. It sounds like someone with a high threshold for this sort of thing is trying to spread their positivity bullshit around. There's no accounting for taste.

BissueTox · 22/05/2020 15:47
Grin
recklessruby · 22/05/2020 15:54

They re grateful you are staying home sheilding to help the NHS?
Maybe someone misguided trying to say thanks for sticking to lockdown especially if others in your position got one too?
Fwiw I m 52 and would be a bit freaked out by someone coming up to my doorstep leaving that too, just because I dont want any old random at my door.
But they probably thought they were being nice.

Honeyroar · 22/05/2020 15:58

There are hundreds of them all over the nearest village. Painted with different words and pictures of rainbows. Each shop has a “we thank you Post office” etc stone outside. People seem to adore finding them and posting photos. I’m sure it’s something along those lines. I don’t get the fuss over them personally!

Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 16:10

Not painted/handmade. This sort of thing, which if anything is reassuring as I don’t think you can buy just one. So likely someone “pebble bombing”.

Gratitude Pebble - AIBU to not understand the meaning of this?
OP posts:
4cats2kids · 22/05/2020 16:11

It’s positive thinking wank.

FlamedToACrisp · 22/05/2020 16:12

I would suggest, as your house is set back from the road, that perhaps it was left by a delivery person - it seems quite plausible that someone might make/buy one to show gratitude to a delivery person, and that having been pleased at getting it (and perhaps having been given several), the delivery person might decide to leave them with parcels to pass on the happy vibes. Definitely not something to worry about imo.

Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 16:12

But whilst it may be a sweet idea, I don’t think people however well meaning should enter people’s private land to deliver them. It’s one thing finding these rainbow stones on a walk, quite another leaving them on a front step far away from a public footpath. Maybe it was just a kindly soul feeling sorry for us!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spooked45 · 22/05/2020 16:14

Flamedtoacrisp, we did wonder if it was the farm delivery person who brings us basics each day but he said no.

OP posts:
TenShortStories · 22/05/2020 16:27

Oh it's definitely intrusive and misguided, but I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that it was likely not personal.

Perhaps you could paint the letters I and N in front of gratitude and then leave it by the gate? Grin