To think not many ppl have close relationship with in laws?

[jollybobs89]

Just curious as to how many of you have a good relationship with the in-laws??

I mean like a relationship like you'd have with your own family??

Or whether you have one solely for the children's sake?

I have two sets of in laws. One set isn't what I'd call close with their own kids, they are equally as close with me as them. The other side I'm really close with. I got with my husband when I was 17, so basically we are bundled in with the rest of the family (I've known his young siblings since they were aged 2-8, the older one since we were 16). My brother got with his wife when they were nearly 40, and she'd already raised children into their teens. So although she gets on well with my parents she doesn't have the closeness I do with my in-laws and my husband does with my parents which come from having known us since we were still living as children in our parents home. My husband has been doing my parents shopping during the pandemic. Pre pandemic I went to a gig with his parents (I never said I was cool!) and over the years I've been to the cinema / theatre with his step mum, both with and without his sisters.
I do remember squabbling with one of his little brothers about our opinions of a book once and thinking I probably shouldn't be squabbling like a teenager - but he started it!

I like my FIL but have a very difficult relationship with MIL. She is very jealous and possesive and treats both her sons like they are her possessions. She is euth insulting me or ignoring me. I dont take is personally though. Some mothers refuse to let their kids go.

I've had a great relationship with mine especially my MIL. We holidayed together and had so much fun and they adored the DCs. However after her passing the relationship with FIL has changed. We've noticed how much she compensated for him. He's become very self centred with no time for the DCs. It's sad because my older DC has great memories of them whilst younger only knows this time. I think on Mumsnet you only hear the problem stories because if everything is fine there's nothing to post. My DH and my DP mutually adore each other too.

I think it’s wise to be cautious about how much time and energy you invest in the relationship with your in-laws. No one wants to acknowledge it but there’s a one in three chance that things between you and your partner won’t work out in the long term and when this happens, most women get dropped like a hot potato.

This can be very hurtful and make divorce / splitting up even harder. I know so many women who have been devastated to discover that the PIL they loved “like their own” actually knew their Dh was cheating on them and had even met OW. Because they “ didn’t want to take sides” and “ there’s two sides to every story “.

I know women who did shopping/ cooking/ cleaning / being a carer for their in-laws who were dumped without a word. Because “ it’s awkward”.

So it’s great for those for whom it works out. But best to be wary - their love and loyalty are not to you, they are to your partner. It’s always conditional, they are not your family , they are his.

I’d focus my energy on my own family and let him take care of his. You’re not his social secretary.

I'm much closer to my MIL than my parents. I have a pretty toxic mother, so I tend to keep my distance. MIL on the other hand is amazing. I'd be lost without her.

If my smil and sfil had been my DH’s biological parents I would have had the perfect in laws to the extent that I’d happily live next door to them. Actual mil & fil make me happy we live in different countries.

DH has a brilliant relationship with my mum. They adore each other.

I really liked my FIL but sadly he passed away 15 years ago.
Certainly don't have a great relationship with my MIL 🙁. We probably (at best) tolerate each other and thankfully I don't see her that much.
My DS 10 asked me the other day why I thought she didn't like me and I said I probably wasn't good enough for her son. He then said "Do you think anyone likes their MIL?" !!

My partner is very close to my parents. I think my Mum actually prefers him to me!

My loopy ex didn't fall far from the loopy tree. Extremely unusual, obsessive and both mentally and physically controlling people. Shudder.

He has to deal with them again, now. All obsessing over and controlling each other 🤣

I loved my ILs. MIL in particular was one of the most amazing people I've met.

For my SIL, they took the place of her parents (her mother died early, her father was a bit of a tricky person from what I gather), very much a daughter-parents relationship.

We didn't have that- my parents are still very much alive- but ILs did add so much to my life. I miss them.

C0RA

Spot on.

Mine are lovely. They are slightly eccentric, very creative, and live in a bit of a parallel universe (a very nice one). I have a close but sometimes difficult relationship with my DM and sometimes struggle when my MIL ‘mothers’ me a bit too much (and I notice I get a bit jealous when she ‘mothers’ my Dcat - I’m a loon) but they are both incredibly kind and patient. I am really looking forward to seeing them when this is over.

I'm a bit confused by the supposition that you should be close to your ILs. To me, they're perfectly pleasant people I only know because of the accident of who I married, a bit like colleagues I wouldn't know apart from the fact that I took a particular job. DH phones them daily during lockdown, I phone my parents. Neither of us feels there should be any particular degree of closeness between the other and their parents.

Used to get on well with FIL but sadly he's dead now. MIL not at all really. We don't exactly fight but I know she struggled to accept me and even with our most recent baby she said it was a mistake (and then wanted to attend the birth). I think we are very different but will never be close to her and have loved not having to see her and having an excellent excuse for her not attending my baby's birth.

My in-laws are the parents I never had they adore me and I do them. I’m so glad I’ve got them.

I like them and we get on fine. I would help them and vice versa. They are great grandparents and good people. However I would always rather spend time with my own parents. I don't have a great deal in common with them and if I ever got divorced I'd facilitate contact with DCs but that would be as far as it went.

We don’t have children, so no need to do anything for our children’s sakes.

For my MIL and her partner, they are perfectly lovely and very thoughtful people, and we see them about once a month or so for a cup of tea at our place, or an evening meal out. It would be nice to be closer, but DH just isn’t that close to his mum.

From DH’s perspective, I come from a massive and very close extended family, so he sees a lot more of my family than his. In particular, he and my mum absolutely adore each other, which is really, really lovely.

When it comes to my FIL, I would definitely say we have a very close relationship. We have very similar interests, so we go to hobbies together, and can chat about books and politics for ages. We take dance classes together, and go to the social dances together, and I’m so glad to have this lovely relationship with my FIL. I’m not at all close to my own dad, so perhaps this is also a bit of “replacement” therapy.

I adore my mil. My fil can be a pita but can't we all?

DS2 (23) has a really lovely girlfriend who I think of as my DIL. I love her to bits. We get on really, really well tbh.

I used to have a very rocky relationship with them as they are very different people to me but since DS was born and I have seen how important that relationship is for them and DS I have worked very hard at it and things have massively improved. I have fallen in love with gardening which is also MIL's passion so that has really helped. We are constantly sending each other pictures of our plants etc.

I don't have a good relationship with my own family so I really do want to build a strong one with the ILs. At the end of the day they adore DS and he adores them and I want to be able to encourage that relationship. We have a family Christmas booked this year at a cottage and I so hope it goes ahead as it would be a magical experience for DS.

I get on fine with mine, but they're a very "close" family who really aren't interested in outsiders (including people who married into the family) so I'm not that close to them. I just let DH and the kids rock on, and I turn up for Christmas, big birthdays etc (where I am mostly ignored after a bit of small talk, which is fine by me).

I think I've been labelled "unsociable" because I don't go for dinner twice a week (attendance at every get-together is expected and noted).

I was very close to my ILs, even though they could be quite difficult. DH is an only child, I do think you have a closer relationship than when there are siblings and other children in law. I still miss my ILs.

I'm very fortunate that mine are absolutely lovely. My own parents are dead, but I would say we have a comparable relationship.
One of the worst things about lockdown is not being able to socialise with them, or have DC hug them.
I miss hugging them too.

My PIL barely make an effort with their sons so it's no surprise they're not that interested in me.

Don’t like any of mine at this moment in time sadly. MIL is an utter control freak who guilt trips dp by blaming her health issues on us, and hasn’t spoken to me since I stood up for myself. FIL is just plain ignorant, and SIL, somehow, is ten times more ignorant. It’s a difficult situation for dp as we aren’t speaking after a fall out, and he’s had to witness some very toxic behaviour from them. However, they want to sit down and talk once we can meet up, so I shall see how that goes considering when things weren’t terrible, they could be rather nice. I feel it can be so difficult coming in as a woman sometimes - I really don’t think I stood a chance, as they think the sun shines out of BIL’s backside.

Fantastic to hear so many stories of positive relationships. I feel rather envious! my in-laws are utterly awful - 'F'IL in particular is a narcissistic arsehole who hasn't spoken dh or the kids for nearly a year (I wouldn't expect him to ever speak to me again).

Thank God it's my parents that we live close to. My dh has more support from my dad than he has ever had from his own.