Ex putting suncream on my daughter

[CPParenttoDD1234]

HELP

Very acrimonious split with me ex resulting tin the courts making decisions about childcare and we still can’t communicate in an efficient way.

My DD is 3 she spend a few nights a week with him and we communicate via a book. I wrote in the book to remind him she’s allergic to most suncreams to remind him of the one we have used for the past year. This was back in April. He obviously ignored me and when I collected her he had used a branded one that she had reacted to. He denied it was the suncream.

Today I collect her again and she is head to toe in an itchy horrible rash - his explanation is it’s not the suncream as he has used it before a month ago and she was fine.

I’m furious as she’s now having to have piriton and is uncomfortable on another warm day and I don’t want to put anything more on her already angry skin.

The courts don’t care about this level of negligence - the father is always more important than the child’s needs in court. In my opinion it’s a form of child abuse as he knows she’s allergic to suncream yet he is purposefully exposing her to harm.

What would you all do please and am I being unfair for being so angry

Jesus, give her the sun cream must've been said 40 times, why can't people read the fucking thread!

TBH OP if it's not the sun cream it'll be something else, he's a wanker and that's it. Hopefully your DD will realise as she grows up and decide not to see him.

My child is also allergic to suncream. I know the brands she is ok with.

My DH is the kind of person who doesn’t believe these things until he is told several times. “Oh it’s just a coincidence” it’s bloody annoying and I think it’s an arrogant man thing

Send the suncream with her

Sorry hasn’t read the full thread about why can’t send the sun cream

My DD is also allergic to most suncream, we were not able to find a shop one she doesn't react too.

She now has prescribed sun cream from the GP. She is in her teens now so always takes her own stuff with her, but when younger I always made sure she had some in her bag.

My advice would be to take photos and get cream on prescription, ex will hopefully follow the advice if come from a gp.

If another person says 'just get the child to tell their father to use the right suncream' I'm going to scream. She's 3 FFS and in the care of someone who would deliberately harm her. OP dont facilitate it at all. Be reasonable, be calm, document but don't cover for him. Hopefully it will be on the radar of SS if flagged by the GP.

@MrsTerryPratchett a good and fairly accurate summary! 😂

@Euclid trust me there is no point scoring. He has the cream I promise you that. He’s choosing not to use it. She will go again to her fathers with some cream (at my expense) and I can guarantee he won’t use it.

Just to clarify his parents and sister have the correct cream for her. I also live nearby and would have gone round with the cream had he asked. I would no way want to watch my daughter suffer like she has. So please don’t think this was or is a point scoring exercise.

Ffs he Has the suncream he took it from ops home along with everything else regarding thier DD.
Op had to replace everything needed at her home herself.

He chooses not to use it as he is an abusive man and is using this to get at op because he cant abuse her personally now.
His mother has the sunscreen too.
But no its up to op to buy herself even more cream.and give him another bottle he wont use!

Do people really expect a 3yr old to stand up to her dad in this? What if his abuse then escalates?

If it's on very very hot days could it be a sun allergy? The drs thought my son's allergy was suncream but it was just the sun when very hot. Itchy and red rash.

Also is it possible he forgot? I have coeliac disease and my parents gave me gluten by accident a few times....

Ok so you send the sun cream with her but why hasnt he just listened to you in the first place. This is in the benefit of his child not another reason to get up your nose. He also has a responsibility to her and taking your advice and direction on something that concerns the health of his child should be a must. I can imagine it's very frustrating. I hope you find some resolve.

Christ this thread is frustrating- I can only imagine how it is for you OP.

The father didn’t “forget” to use the right cream and nor is he able to be reasoned with when it comes to the goodness of his own child.

I know someone who is very similar to how this sounds and in his own wilful one-upmanship mind, there’s no changing that he’d rather hurt others than do the right thing.

Look at the state of this thread. Christ, some women will just fall arse over face trying to find a way an abusive man isnt wrong, won't they? Even when he's wilfully physically hurting a child.

OP, it's clear from your measured, calm and extremely tolerant responses to some ludicrous posts on this thread that your communication or "aggression" isn't the issue here.

Jeezus look at all the MRA apologists

I am honestly gobsmacked

For those who can’t read

HE ALREADY HAS THE GODDAMN
SUNCREAM

He is deliberately choosing not to use it

HE DOES NOT CARE AND IS LOOKING FOR A REACTION

At the expense of the poor child’s health

I couldn't see the whole thread. I'm not an abuse apologist especially since I was sexually and physically and emotionally abused from childhood. But hey if hurling abuse at someone daring to ask a question gives you kicks, crack on darlings.

Ohhhh... I think I understand now. PPs are saying 'just send the suncream' in place of sending your daughter. Now that would be interesting!!

I think that there needs to be public and visible accountability to people who could negatively impact his life or who he is scared of/respects. This needs to be brought out into the open in front of the other adults around him in a way that isn't on the face of it blaming him. So he doesn't use the sunscreen and you ring his parents etc asking if they have it. Every time he sees his daughter you ring them all and 'check' that they have it, ask about it etc. Get a doctors note etc etc. I'm sure you will be able to think of ways to make this highly visible and to have his non compliance be completely public. It won't make you popular with him but fuck it.

Make sure you always sound rational and non blaming of course, when talking to these people. Send pics of her allergic reaction.

Drop comments like 'I completely understand why it makes him so angry' or 'I'm worried his anger at me makes him think I'm making this allergy up' and see if you can get their help. Maybe mention the doctor making a comment (subtext the GP is threatening to report him to ss). Sure, even if he does stop he will find other ways to be a cunt but at least your DD will be safe.

Of course document everything and keep proof as you may have to escalate this. As many have said it's pretty fucked up. A little 3 year old girl does not need to be hurt so he can make a point of how much he disrespects you. What a prick. 😠😠

YANBU
Bloke should have given her the right suncream! Poor thing. It’s happened now, let this be a lesson. He’s not reliable so you either send the cream to him or he doesn’t take her out in the sun.