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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Having dinner at friends tonight'

89 replies

em90792 · 21/05/2020 23:22

Am I the only one getting ridiculously frustrated with people not giving a flying banana about the rules?!

My mum text me this eve saying she will send measurements of a piece of garden furniture for me tomorrow as she is having dinner at a friends tonight....

Did lockdown finish and I miss the memo?!

A near by family in our village is just as bad, the woman's is pregnant with complications which she cant be arsed to go to the scans for to find out if her baby is ok and what the severity of the issues may be, shes off out seeing every tom dick and harry, having peiple over and driving about with them with her 2 children in tow which she plans to send to school in a weeks time. (Yr1 and yr6)

Meanwhile I'm struggling away, trying to compete a degree, partner trying to work all the hours he can, pregnant and 3 small children yr1, yrR and 2years and want nothing more than to do these things but cant. I cant send my children to school with myself due for surgery in a few weeks and a newborn arrival, knowing shes off swanning about daily with different people coming and going.

My sister is also visiting every friend shes ever known delivering gifts, etc. And while I cant prove she isnt breaking the social distancing I'd be shocked if she wasnt...

AIBU to be ridiculously frustrated and annoyed by this... I litrally feel like the next person who tells me they have broken the rules will get the brunt of it.

OP posts:

PinkiOcelot · 21/05/2020 23:24

I missed that memo as well. People are going around as if everything is back to normal. I can’t understand it.

peperethecat · 21/05/2020 23:25

You do your thing, let them do theirs, OP. It sounds like you've got enough on your plate without appointing yourself the police of other people's behaviour.

ilovesooty · 21/05/2020 23:50

You can only manage your own behaviour and risk. You can't manage other people, whatever you think of them.

mrsbyers · 22/05/2020 00:33

Your frustration isn’t going to change anything , challenge their behaviour if you feel that strongly but as previous poster said make your own choices

Drysnitchinsbitchin · 22/05/2020 01:21

Yep, I'm annoyed like you OP.
Neighbour has had kids, grandkids, visitors coming and going for last 3 days even though they claim to have had it.
Half the people not distancing on the street anymore. Walked past 2 nurses chatting at the end of their drive while everybody had to walk in the road.
Park was full of people playing footie, picnics and groups chatting but won't move so you have to walk in the middle of them.
I'm crossing the street to avoid people only to have someone stepping on my heels.
Heard a couple of people saying "I think it's over now"
Yes I think it's justified to police others behaviour if it puts you and everybody else at risk. The people telling you to mind your own are probably the culprits.
Think we're safer inside.

peperethecat · 22/05/2020 09:13

The people telling you to mind your own are probably the culprits.

Nope. I stuck to the rules during lockdown, even though we could hear our elderly and vulnerable neighbours coming and going at all hours. Still think people should mind their own business.

I hate all these wannabe vigilantes.

Rememberallball · 22/05/2020 09:14

Annoyed here too. I’m shielding so not left the house since mid March except when I my babies were (separately) admitted to hospital.

The only outside space we have is a courtyard we have to share with the house next door (we rent, they own) and it’s bad enough that they’ve recently got a puppy which lives out there and has the run of the courtyard all day but, she also uses it to smoke in and, every few days, they have different friends over for the afternoon and all sit round a 2 seat patio bistro set (so small table, no way to social distance).

This means we can’t go out to the courtyard and sit out in the sun or get some fresh air; I can’t put my washing out on the airer I’ve got and leave it out to dry for fear the bloody puppy will get it and wreck it. I’ve even had comments about ‘white stuff’ down my drain that the puppy was trying to eat - well, nothing goes down my drain that isn’t liquid and it’s liberally washed away with hot water, so the only thing it was likely to be was gone off milk or leftover formula from making the babies their breakfast - so perhaps she should watch her puppy more closely!!

Redlocks28 · 22/05/2020 09:16

My mum text me this eve saying she will send measurements of a piece of garden furniture for me tomorrow as she is having dinner at a friends tonight....

I know I’m missing the point here, but why is your mum texting YOU the measurements of garden furniture for a dinner that SHE is going to?!

Rememberallball · 22/05/2020 09:18

@Redlocks28, I read it as the OP needs the measurements of a piece of furniture and have asked her DM for them. The reply she’s received is that she will do it tomorrow as she’s having dinner with a friend tonight!!

InfiniteSheldon · 22/05/2020 09:21

Lockdown is easing some people are feeling OK to do it faster some are not. Same as some started it earlier and did it better than others. Children are at minimal risk of catching or passing it on. Stop judging and stop enforcing your views on other people. Laws and rules only work if enough people believe they are founded on reason we are at a balance point now and neither you nor her are in the right.

crustycrab · 22/05/2020 09:24

I've stuck to the guidance/rules strictly. My friends haven't. Everyone is different.

You say your friend can't be bothered to go for a scan etc but you can't possibly know how she feels and what is going on with her. She's probably wondering why you've got pregnant again when you aren't working and your partner is having to work all the hours god sends

Rainycloudyday · 22/05/2020 09:27

This. It’s very easy to judge from the outside. The woman may be terrified to go to a scan, you can’t possibly know that she’s can’t be bothered. Do what allows you to sleep at night and pull your nose out of other peoples’ lives. I sometimes feel like I’ve unknowingly moved to North Korea.

okiedokieme · 22/05/2020 09:39

How about people worry about themselves and not others. Not everyone has a straightforward life, there's lots of comings and going's here (well not lots but some) and all are for very reasonable reasons, even my mp knows (he's interested in the impact in these situations, to explain further is outing). But if you didn't know the ins and outs you would just think we were ignoring the rules.

Iwillhavetea · 22/05/2020 09:55

I've stuck to the lockdown 100% walks with my kids. Not been in any shops. Not mixed. But today I'm going for a distanced walk with my best friend and our 5 year olds. We will be distancing. But my child is really struggling and seeming how one other person can meet and keep apart then I can hold her hand and we can walk two meters apart in a field.

People's mental health is suffering. So if people choose to do very small meets now I can understand it. As long as you go home and stay home afterwards! I'd rather people had dinner together than hung themselves because they can't take anymore

Zeusthemoose · 22/05/2020 10:11

You do your thing let people do there's. Fwiw I have adhered to the rules and still do so but people ranting and guessing what others are up is just tiresome.

Chloemol · 22/05/2020 10:37

I get where you are coming from. I have neighbours who have ignored lockdown throughout, it winds all the other neighbours and me self up, but there is nothing really we can do now.

The Government has assumed some would not adhere hen they did their figures. But it’s interesting how many on MN seem happy to break lockdown, even more so since the little relaxation

There is likely to be a second wave, concerns are it will be at flu season. So if there is another lockdown I do wonder if lessons will be learnt and it will be a stronger one like France, Italy or Spain, especially as we have had far more deaths than them by not locking down so fast and strong

Unshriven · 22/05/2020 10:40

It's guidance, not a rule.

Use your common sense, and let others assess their own risk.

InfiniteSheldon · 22/05/2020 10:43

Your 5 year old is at minimum risk estimated at less than 1/2 of 1 %. Children are not super spreaders. Playing with a 5 year old friend is essential for their mental health social distancing for 5 year olds is not necessary and quite frankly ridiculous enjoy your walk and I hope your dc does too xxx

ErickBroch · 22/05/2020 10:47

YANBU, but it is really annoying that so many posts on AIBU are all about the exact same thing... this is why a coronavirus section was made.

Theislands · 22/05/2020 10:54

You do your thing, let them do theirs, OP. It sounds like you've got enough on your plate without appointing yourself the police of other people's behaviour.

This is the issue. It's all very well that people are swanning around doing what they want but this only prolongs the wider issue with slowing down this virus. Meanwhile those that are following the rules and staying at home will pay the price for those that are selfish and can't think if the bigger picture or think of others. I am pretty sure NHS nurses coming off 12 hour shifts are not impressed with those crowding into parks and beaches. People have forgotten that those people are still slogging away for us still.....

Ragwort · 22/05/2020 10:58

These threads are so tedious, does a new one have to be started every time someone is ‘outraged’ at someone else’s behaviour.

And no, I shouldn’t have clicked on it but I just hoped there might be some sort of new topic to discuss.....

Theislands · 22/05/2020 11:13

@Ragwort don't join in then. Some people want to discuss this. If you don't want to then leave

peperethecat · 22/05/2020 11:21

But what will discussing it achieve? Do you really think these people are going to look on Mumsnet and suddenly feel really bad about the fact that they popped over to see their sister or met their friends in the park or went to the beach? No, they are not.

And to be honest, if we were to stay on full lockdown with everyone being really strict and sticking rigidly to the rules, the virus would probably hang around for longer. The changes that people have made with social distancing, masks and handwashing will still slow the spread of the virus. Provided that the ICUs aren't overwhelmed and bodies aren't piling up in the streets it might actually be better for less vulnerable people to be chancing their luck (by which I mean living relatively normally, not going round licking the buttons on cash machines) so that more healthy people catch a mild version of it and develop antibodies.

Theislands · 22/05/2020 11:44

It's just discussion. I don't think anyone is proposing that MN chats will change the world. It's an avenue to vent a little bit isn't it. I'm not sure why you're joining threads like this if you're so anti them - it's a bit odd if I am to be honest?

peperethecat · 22/05/2020 11:47

I'm also entitled to comment that all these curtain twitchers are doing my head in.

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