To feel my employer are suddenly discriminating because I have a young child?

[Tayo23]

I work for a government dpt where it is not usually commonplace to be able to work from home. On 19th/20th March when the schools closed, I was asked in work if this would impact me in regards to childcare - it does, and I was offered a laptop to work from home which I gratefully took.

At this point all my colleagues (except for a minority shielding or in similar positions) remained in the office every day as there were a lack of laptops for them - it was BAU. I worked remotely from home, with colleagues in the office uploading my (and other remote workers) work. A week later my office closed (a non-critical govt dpt) however I have continued to work from home since then although my colleagues without laptops were not working at all. My partner was furloughed a week or so after my office closed so has been a great help keeping 4yo entertained.

At the end of April my office advised those without laptops must return to the office one day a week on a rota basis to upload, (to maintain social distancing). I was not asked because it was understood I was working from home. Last week they provided everyone in my office (around 80 people) with laptops. I have now been told that because everyone else now has a laptop, I am now too required to work one day a week in the office, and spend the rest of the week working from home.

My partner returns to work next week. I now am in same position as end of March before lockdown re childcare. They are allowing me to take special leave for the one day a week I can’t come into the office, for 4 weeks. After then I have to use annual leave. I have repeatedly stressed I am willing to continue working each day from home. I just simply cannot leave my child at home alone. My partner is unable to get paid leave off and we would struggle without his pay.

AIBU to feel this way, they understood initially and accommodated me which I was extremely grateful for. I have worked each day whilst my colleagues barely have done until now, but now they too have the facilities to work from home, the goalposts have been moved.

I am not happy being told when to take AL when I have not asked for any time off. Do I have a leg to stand on here if I take this higher than my own line manager (who robotically regurgitates things without much compassion or consideration for people’s individual circumstances)

I may have to suck it up and take the AL, even though I was willing to work.

I suspect you might find that once you start having to work and look after your 4 year old, that you're quite grateful for the day off work! All the parents I know who are solely looking after a child whilst wfh are exhausted and taking leave / asking partners to take leave as they need the break.

I’m sure that will be true RedskyAtnight

I think the key thing here is that they clearly do not NEED you to be in the office if they suggest an alternative of you taking leave. That means that they are able to adapt to accommodate you.

Could you make a flexible working request to work from home 5 days a week? The company would have to demonstrate that they cannot accommodate that due to business needs. But they would struggle to demonstrate that since 1. You’ve been doing it for the last couple of months, and 2. They are able to adapt to you not being in the off ice on ‘your’ day, given they proposed you take leave and hence would still not need to be in the office.

In terms of telling you when to take leave, I believe companies can tell you when to take it. But you would have a case for sex-based discrimination if you were the only one being made to take leave on specified dates.

I posted earlier about the fact that I don't think OP should be expected to use her Annual Leave in these circumstances because she won't be able to have a proper break if all her leave goes on accommodating her employers (IMO unreasonable) request she has to take leave one day a week simply because they are insisting she goes into the office and she has a young child.

We are being told to look after our mental health- for some people this includes getting a reasonable break from work. You don't get the same benefits of taking 1 day off over 5 weeks as you do taking one full week off IMO. OP may wish to keep some annual leave to cover future emergencies - child sickness etc. This is not the point

The bottom line here is - Is everyone in the organisation being treated the same or is OP being treated differently because she has a young child. Is her request unreasonable? Why can't her request be accommodated - she has proven she can WFH effectively

Your child has two present employed parents and this is your answer.

Your DP needs to make it work, can he swap one of his weekend days off for a weekday one whilst you go to the office? What would he do if you were admitted to hospital tomorrow and he had to parent alone and make it work around his employer?

Now is the time for change, take advantage of it. Instead of wasting time feeling taken for granted by your employer realise you are being taken for granted by your DP and his employer and balance the scales. It may be bloody awkward to push through but your family life could be 100% better for it in the future!

Take a chance OP, this is an opportunity to no longer feel put upon.

Unfortunately you are not getting the answers you want. This is a frustrating read. Now the out of work solicitors touting for work to tell you what you want to hear and extract cash out of you.

I now see that whilst I still feel it’s unfair, that DP does need to take more responsibility and if that’s not possibly I may have to suck it up and take the AL, even though I was willing to work.
It's not unfair to expect your DP to do his share.
What is unfair is expecting your work to work around yours and your DP issues (be it you always taking days off when the children are poorly or having preferential treatment during lockdown) when there are others in your department who have children and aren't expecting preferential treatment

You don't get the same benefits of taking 1 day off over 5 weeks as you do taking one full week off IMO.

Maybe not. But these are unprecedented times, and everyone is making difficult choices and sacrifices. I think it’s unrealistic to expect to be able to take the time off exactly how best suits you given the climate.

I think they are being unreasonable OP. However, do you think someone has complained that you seem to be getting favourable treatment and that's what has prompted this?

It's not discriminatory, as others have said, and you do have options - AL by you/DP, nursery/school when open (and that is very likely to be before September, I live in one of the worst affected areas and ours are reopening through June). I wouldn't worry about it, you have options to get you through until childcare is available. We are all having to live and work very differently from usual.

pigoons
We are being told to look after our mental health

tbh most parents are finding working 5 days a week at home whilst also juggling looking after a pre-school child is not particularly good for their mental health. Having a day off each week is probably a good thing (and what most of my colleagues in this position are doing).

I'm thinking about this posted from OP's partner's point of view

"my partner wfh 4 days a week whilst caring for our 4 year old. Her workplace now require her to come into her workplace on the 5th day. She's been given 4 week's exemption from coming in, but her employe has said if she can't come in after that she needs to take a day's leave. My partner has asked me to cover this 5th day, but my workplace won't let me have any time off. What should we do?"

I suspect this might get different answers ...

People on here need to get their head out their arses and start acknowledging the HUGE impact lack of childcare is going to have on women in the workplace now and the future.

AL is a shitty solution to the OP’s problem. But the pertinent point is that there’s only so much of it that can be taken anyway.

Finding new childcare arrangements will be incredibly difficult right now. Most settings won’t even be open full time for the children they have on their books. Settling and so on is pretty much impossible.

Yes fathers should be sharing the burden, but how do you force them if they refuse? Many of them are used to seeing their own jobs as more important.

What’s happening now will have long term consequences for women if we’re not careful.

Yes you need to split the one day per week cover with DH. Alternate weeks annual leave or unpaid leave.

I understand his employer are less flexible but this is not unique to your family. Women across society are expected again and again to take the hit when their child is sick and so employers become wary of employing women of a certain age. Men need to play their part here too.

I get the point that OP is being asked to use some leave and not store it all up for some future point but her employer will still have to get someone else to go into the office in the meantime?!

It really doesn’t matter what people think her employers should do. What matters is what her employers think she should do and they have said they are not willing to allow the working from home continue for business reasons, and as such she is expected to take leave if she cannot meet the conditions of her employment.

It is not discrimation unless they have told all fathers they can work from home.

It also doesn’t matter if folks think she’d enjoy her hols more if she could take them all at once, or if folks think everyone with a caring responsibility should be allowed to work from home. What matters is her employers decision and their rationale. They have refused the ops request for working from home , and stated she must take leave.

As such, she either does this, or she resigns. Her husband is a different issue and simply another personal one.

arcticroller

I doubt anybody has complained or sees this as preferential treatment. Maybe initially when I was first given the laptop when they still had to go in every day - yes - that was preferential and I was extremely grateful they accommodated me. But then lockdown hit 2 days later and they were told to go home - no more laptops left. They remained at home on full pay not working whilst I continued to do so each day from home. After a month they were then asked to come in 1 day a week with the other 4 off. It’s an office of usually 120 people (80 on my work stream) and now there is only 10 people at a time in the office, it’s calm, quiet, and the work is copying and pasting a small amount of work done by remote workers over the course of a full working day, and the risk is extremely little. Now that they are also required to work 4 days from home as they have laptops, they’ve all said that they would much prefer to be in the office. I can’t see how the treatment for me has actually been preferential for me to their situation in the long run.

Bluntness100

The thing is the WFH is continuing, for 6-12 months. This needs to be done each day.

Also, to the poster who says she is not allowed to work from home when her parent colleagues are. Yes- I do think that’s unfair too!

Wow, the people on this thread saying that parents should just give up their leave, their work, their careers....and on a parenting site

As Moondust correctly said, this is about the reality of the whole situation rather than somehow wanting to disadvantage parents - and at such a time work patterns are going to swap and change as needs dictate

OP's quite right to be grateful for the acoomodation she's already had, but there really is only so much employers can give no matter how many "yes, buts" come their way

I also agree it's disturbing that dads so often get an easy ride on this. Everyone advises mums to do such-and-such, but one comment about "DP's boss won't allow ..." and that seems to be it - situation accepted, nothing we can do, no point in further questions

And then some wonder why working mums often get a hard time in the workplace

Really surprised at the answers here. In Scotland kids not back until next school year, and by the looks of some letters we have received it will be only part time, so what are parents supposed to do? Quit their jobs if employers are not flexible?

NS said kids starting to go back from 11 August this year

Once available, parents would be expected to use childcare or yes, be a SAHP if they don’t want to. Same as ever was. Nurseries are starting to open from next month.

Ah ‘Next school year’ not next calendar year as I read it. But still, regardless, if and when childcare is available then yes use it or don’t. Your choice but if don’t, then why wouldn’t you be a SAHP?

@lauriemarlow spot on

HeadSpin5

When childcare is available I will be using it providing there are safe measures in place ofc. I’ve never said I wouldn’t use it. My issue is I have no childcare currently. When I do, I will have no issue.

I agree too lauriemarlow

Yes that was to jbonser sorry.