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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are you a door opener or a non door opener

154 replies

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 21/05/2020 17:58

I find this concept so far from my reality that I always contribute something sarcastic on the threads... but it made me think, AM I in the minority? Is this an actual thing ? Personally I would NEVER not answer the door... is this because I live in a quiet village in the Highlands.. or because I have scant regard for the worst of human kind...and will come a cropper.

YANBU = I always answer the door , why would I not

YABU = It could be someone wishing to do you harm and not worth the risk, be it a parent , parent-in-law, psychotic axe murderer...

Age would be helpful to understand this mindset (but not essential obvs)

OP posts:

GinDaddyRedux · 21/05/2020 21:34

As I said in another door thread (!)....how on EARTH can everyone "expect" every scenario that could be useful to them?

Has every single person who has ever come to your door and been of use to you, been able to "announce" themselves in advance of that visit?

Every, single, one?

I mean, the postman can't announce themselves can they. Should they be sending you a text ten minutes before they reach your road, so that you're aware of their proximity and their intent?

The gas board? Yes I know generally they call for appointments now, or you get a text or an online message. But still - what if there's a leak at the end of the road, people are being asked to do X or Y as a result... and someone public-spirited decides to knock on your door to let you know that X is necessary, or Y is happening and you need to react.

Should they have magically got your number in advance of knocking? I mean yes most will have it, but in every scenario? Or should they leave a note, by which time it might be too late or whatever?

In case you think those scenarios are ridiculous, they're not - they're real life examples. If they haven't happened to you yet, that doesn't mean they'll never happen.

It's just funny the loftiness of it all. "I don't answer to people who haven't announced themselves". None of you are titled people inhabiting a stately home with staff. So no one needs to be "announced" to you.

TerrorWig · 21/05/2020 21:36

I always answer the door. Even if I can see it’s JWs, I answer to say no thank you.

I am 37 and live in a city. I find it hugely bizarre that people won’t open the door because they’re not expecting them, when it’s day time.

Illbedownatthegardenwithmum · 21/05/2020 21:37

Our dogs are so barky that I suspect most callers wish I wouldn’t answer...

However, we’re so secluded that we hardly ever get anyone knocking, so it’s quite exciting when they do.

Itsbeforepartb · 21/05/2020 21:50

Lots of people get scammed by others pretending to be "public spirited" or knocking on to sell stuff. It's good safety advice to not answer the door to people you don't know. Yes you might miss out on something that could be useful to you but that's the trade off.

alexdgr8 · 21/05/2020 22:40

i usually shout from an upper window, out of sight, no thank you, because i don't want anyone thinking the house is unoccupied and then try to break in.
to me that's common sense. people can easily force their way in once the door is opened, and even if they don't do that some can be very pushy and aggressive.
i think people who do not have a fit man in the house and open the door unguarded are being naive. i hope you never have reason to change your practice.
the ones i cannot understand are those who do not even lock their outside doors. would that not invalidate your insurance. also it seems the height of recklessness to me, even with a strong man in the house. criminals are professionals at what they do, very swift.

StripyHorse · 21/05/2020 22:56

Yes. Unless we have already spotted people going from house to house with a clip board indicating they are either from a charity or selling something we will answer the door. I am now perfectly happy to tell someone I am not interested though either face to face or on the occasions I do answer the door.

DH has got better at being politely assertive - he used to be crap. He answered the door to sales people once and got stuck chatting to him so I called the house phone from my mobile thinking he would use it as an excuse to end the conversation- but when I didn't speak (knowing the person at the door would hear me because I could hear then) he hung up.

Pinkkgaga · 21/05/2020 23:14

21- always answer the door

PafLeChien · 21/05/2020 23:30

GinDaddyRedux
why do you even care if others open their door or not?

People are allowed to choose not to be disturbed, it's not a luxury reserved to the upper class. It doesn't matter if they are giving a bath to a baby, having a nap, working towards a deadline or bleaching their moustache. No one HAS to be willingly disturbed when they are home.

Next you'll tell us we MUST answer the phone when it rings.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 21/05/2020 23:36

I genuinely don't know anyone who doesn't answer the door.
I always do, we have one of those "please don't ring the bell if..." notes just below the bell. It's been ignored a few times and once I know what the caller is there for I say "I'm sorry, but this is of no interest to me" and point to the note.

I'm 29 and in a large town, in the east Midlands.

ramseyspamsey · 22/05/2020 00:00

I genuinely don't know anyone who doesn't answer the door

How do you know? I don't think I've ever had a conversation about door answering in real life!

RyanBergarasTeeth · 22/05/2020 00:02

I used to be a door opener but not now. Dps ex has had so many balifs at our flat that dp and me no longer answer the door at all.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 22/05/2020 00:05

How do you know? I don't think I've ever had a conversation about door answering in real life!

I haven't either, but everytime I've knocked on someone's door, expected or not, they've answered, I was going off that experience. Not really scientific I'll give you that

DownADirtRoad · 22/05/2020 00:10

I haven't either, but everytime I've knocked on someone's door, expected or not, they've answered, I was going off that experience. Not really scientific I'll give you that grin

So no one has ever actually not been in....now that is weird. 🤣

Zoflorabore · 22/05/2020 00:11

This is interesting as my kitchen is at the front of my house and I pretty much live in there. I chose roller blinds when I moved in and didn’t realise just how exposed I felt.

People tend to look in. I have a small front garden which is probably 8 feet from the street and people can see if I’m in so I got rid of the blinds and got a window film and it’s fabulous!

Back to the question- if it’s someone I don’t know I won’t open the door. I have OCD and hate to be disturbed if I’m not expecting a visitor. My family always call first but one of my friends doesn’t and plonks herself here for hours on end.

I have deliveries quite a lot from Amazon etc and can normally tell those apart. I hate chuggers so ignore them. I’m 42.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 22/05/2020 00:19

So no one has ever actually not been in....now that is weird. 🤣

Tbh your right it is weird, but in reality my parents and Inlaws are the only people we generally visit. Inlaws rarely go out and one of my parents is always home as they own a pub.

canigooutyet · 22/05/2020 00:22

I looked through the peephole and decide if I can be bothered or not regardless of the time.
If I don't know them, I ask them who they are.
If it someone who is trying to sell/converts then I carry on with what I was doing. If I know them I open the door.

This is assuming they haven't needed to buzz me to get in.

canigooutyet · 22/05/2020 00:25

Oh sorry, and sometimes I hear someone knock, ignore and carry on with what I'm doing. And those who know me, know to give me a text/call if I haven't answered the door.

TimeWastingButFun · 22/05/2020 01:06

Do you mean in lockdown? I look out of the window and see if I recognise the car/van. If not I go round the other side of the house and call from outside to see who they are/what they want.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 22/05/2020 04:59

@GinDaddyRedux

It really isn't anything to do with 'loftiness' whatsoever. I'm about the most unpretentious person you could ever meet, but I'm also lazy, antisocial, don't particularly like the company of others, and have no desire to interact with strangers on my front doorstep, hence why I don't respond to their knock. Fine when someone I know has arranged to come around or I'm expecting a delivery, but I'm not answering the door to every single random who happens to bang on it for whatever reason.

Besides, if there's some sort of emergency then those responding to it do a lot more than politely knock on your door and wait for you to answer. They make it clear exactly who they are, which is fine, I have no problem with that.

eaglejulesk · 22/05/2020 05:38

I open the door, but there is a window (with blinds) so I can see who it is, and if they look like Jehovah's Witnesses or someone trying to sell something then I hide!

eaglejulesk · 22/05/2020 05:41

I'm 60

kmc1111 · 22/05/2020 05:57

I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting a guest or a delivery. Why would I? No one I would want to see would just drop by like that without a text so it’s just going to be Mormons or JW’s or someone selling something.

Honeybee85 · 22/05/2020 06:06

YABU

My DH has a brother who is a gambling addict. DH is NC with his brother but he knows where we live. Brother has threatened my inlaws on more then one occasion over money to pay off his gambling debts. He has threatened to beat them up and threatened them that some monster guy will come to their home to collect the debts if he can't pay them off.

I am a SAHM with a baby and my fear is that one day my DH's brother or some kind of criminal shows up on our doorstep.
So I only open the door when I know it's someone I expected to show up.

Honeybee85 · 22/05/2020 06:06

I am 34 btw

Honeybee85 · 22/05/2020 06:07

Mobster guy not monster!

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