How do I lose weight properly and not obsess over food?

[Frume]

I have no idea what to do. I need to lose 6/7st. I've tried slimming world, but found that it messed up my relationship with food.

I don't want to join WW or any other kind of diet plan.

I'm an emotional binge eater.

I can't carry on like this. I just want to lose weight properly and sort out my relationship with food!

Where do I start?

You could try the Mediterranean diet? this book here has lots of tips and recipes. What kind of exercise do you do OP? Could you try the Couch to 5K app?

have you had counselling to work out why you're binging and better ways to identify and deal with your feelings?

Download MyFitnessPal. Count calories. The only way you will loose weight is by being in a calorie deficit. Go online and complete a TDEE calculator. It will tell you how many calories you need to loose weight. For example, I'm around 9 and half stone and I need to eat less than 1300 calories a day to be in a deficit. The more you weigh the more calories you can consume. Follow Jordan syatt on Instagram, I find what he says makes perfect sense. You need to change your lifestyle. It's a gradual thing. Try to keep busy in the evening to prevent picking. Don't buy biscuits or crisps, just don't have that stuff in the house.

If your peckish have a big glass of water instead and then see if your still hungry after . Make small changes. Carrots and humous are nice snacks. So are apples with peanut butter. Swap white bread for brown or cut out bread all together.
Drink loads of water, it helps everything and is important for weight loss.
Reduce alcohol consumption.

These are all the tips I can think of, but definitely download MyFitnessPal and input every single thing you put in your mouth. Be honest with yourself. You will be surprised how many calories you are actually eating, a splash of milk in your tea, a bite of the kid's fishfinger etc, it all adds to your calories.

Good luck. Don't be hard on yourself. Small changes will make a big difference in the long term xx

What are you binging on? Anything specific?

Low carb is great as you can eat as much as you want and after a few data your hunger goes as the body cannot store protein so it tells you to stop eating. Also work on why you eating like this

I lost about 2 stone recently. I started seeing a personal trainer who obviously helped with my exercise plan. She gave me daily limits/targets for calories, carbs, fat and protein, plus some ideas for meals.

But as a pp says, I found My Fitness Pal the most useful thing for sorting out my diet. It's a pain initially as you have to enter everything in, but after a while it gets a lot quicker as you can just copy foods from previous entries. It really made me aware of what was in the food I was eating and helped me make better choices. E.g. I always drank a big glass of juice at breakfast out of habit, but it was a shock when I saw how much of my carb limit that used up. So I decided I'd rather save my carbs for something I enjoyed more! I ended up eating a lot more lean protein and vegetables than I used to.

I think it's pretty much impossible not to obsess about food when you start out but it soon becomes second nature. Another thing to bear in mind is that it's really tough for the first couple of weeks so you have to be mentally prepared to fight through that. I was a big sugar binger so moving to a low sugar diet was a huge shock to the system. I had headaches and felt really hungry. But after two weeks, that disappeared and I felt so much better.

Eating a protein breakfast really helps with cravings and sustaining energy throughout the day. This may sound counter intuitive but eating fat such as butter also makes a difference (in my experience). I notice that if I have protein and fat in the morning, then I don't get the up and down energy effect/sugar crash in the afternoon. I recommend eating something like: eggs, tinned lentils and bacon or mackerel and baked beans. (Again, I know it sounds counter intuitive to eat something like bacon, but I prefer eating something like that in the morning - rather than binging on some biscuits later in the day). Fat isn't the devil - sugar is. It really is like a drug on the brain and body...and it's in everything!

I'm obese and last Saturday started intermittent fasting again...so I eat all my calories in one " window".

Not that I'd encourage what I'm doing as I have some emotional issues with food I need help with because i binge eat hugely but in the interim this is working.

Currently I'm 2:22 so 2 hours to eat and 22hr fast. I'm finding it surprisingly easy and its satisfying my need to " binge" . I'm eating 1200 calories a day so a decent amount. My window is 12-2... I'm usually busy in the morning anyway so dont miss eating ( just drink lots of water and I have a black coffee) then I have food in my window... dont get peckish again till around 8pm which is when I take myself upstairs to read/ watch tv to be as far from the kitchen as possible as I've noticed I frequently eat for the sake of it rather than hunger.

I'm hoping to lose around 5stone and also address the emotional issues but for now this is at least helping the weight.

Have a look at intuitive eating, specifically Laura Thomas and her book just eat it. If you have a negative relationship with food I would encourage you to avoid any 'diet' plans including ww, intermittent fasting and my fitness plan. For emotional binge eating you need to get to the bottom of why you do it, you don't need a diet but maybe you need a therapist with an interest in eating disorders, nutrition and body image. Sending love, it's a hard place to be but it is possible to get better.

@GigglingElephant Yes, having a decent amount of protein at breakfast really helped me too. Eggs are great and I also like Greek yogurt with berries.

Snacks that I found good are things like cooked chicken, a few nuts, veg sticks and hummus, and apple with peanut butter.

Low carb bootcamp starts next Monday - why not go over to their thread and give it a go. I have done it in the past and its the only 'diet' I have followed where I wasn't ever hungry and became totally switched off from food. I too have done WW, SW and My Fitness Plan and they all increase my obsession with food. With low carbing it was the only time I never thought about food, it was very freeing. Its a very slow weight loss, but you can eat eat really delicious food which is rich and filling.

Not read the thread yet, so sorry if I've missed anything. You will have to find your own 'way' up to a point because we are all different plus lifestyle. Finding what suits you. It's better to do it over time and not to give up if you lapse. I didn't have alot to lose but shifting the last few pounds, I completely cut out dairy and milk chocolate. Plus an hours walk most days. Now I have a little cheese and milk because I've trained myself to stop at a little. Start just by cutting out the things you find easiest. Also, eat slowly and savour what you eat. Obviously eat as much healthy food as possible but allow some treats just not too many or too often!

I’ve tried so many “diets” over the years- some with good results for a while. None really taught me anything long term. It’s early days but so far I’m doing great with using MyFitnessPal, I like it because I can eat what I want provided I have the calories available, having food off limits never worked for me. I’m also week 4 into couch to 5k running and now also do a HIIT session once or twice a week. I’ve lost 8kg in 3 weeks (I have a lot to lose) and feel great.

Binge eating disorder is a mental illness so you need the right kind of support for this. There is a page of really good advice on how to go about getting help for binge eating on the ‘Beat Eating Disorders’ website. It is a charity that provides help and support for sufferers of all kinds of Eating Disorders. Maybe start with that? I hope you find a way forward.

For me it's about keeping busy. If I'm genuinely busy it's so much easier to not think about food. If I'm not busy I will sit there thinking about what there is that I could eat, especially if there's something that I'm deliberately keeping for a treat. I've managed to lose 2 and a half stone since last July, and not have any major relapses or put any of it back on. If I have the odd day where I do lose control and binge, it's much easier to see "tomorrow as a new day" if I can focus on exercise and other jobs to get on with.

No fancy diets or anything - I've done those, they just make you feel like shit if you have a "bad" day. I did 16:8 at my heaviest and started to keep busy and make sure that I did some form of exercise daily (whether it was a walk, a class, a HIIT workout at home, a run, whatever).

I've joined Second Nature - low carb diet but also a whole pile of other helpful stuff including tackling exercise, mindfulness, thinking patterns etc etc. Delicious food, lots of support from others and the only plan I've ever followed which doesn't leave me hungry

I think you're really right to not want to obsess over food. I'd set some really simple food guidelines for myself (not rules, there's no punishment and it's nothing to get upset about if you break them occasionally)

• three meals a day
• if I need to snack - fresh fruit, wholemeal toast, something like that
• unlimited fresh fruit and veg
• whole wheat bread, brown rice, etc
• gradually reduce the number of cakes/ ice creams etc. Start by allowing one a day, when that is easy, drop to one a week.
• reduce the calories you're drinking - reduce alcohol, tea instead of hot chocolate, water instead of pop
• a bit of exercise - if you're looking to lose 6 or 7 stone then start with walking

Then there's the mind side:

• don't walk down the cake/ sweets aisle in the supermarket
• don't count calories
• make a list of things that are rewards for yourself which aren't foods
• make a list of things that comfort you which aren't foods
• make a list of little jobs which need doing. If you're going to eat and it's because you're bored, do a job and get a slight sense of achievement instead
• if you eat as a subtler form of self destruction/ self sabotage/ self punishment, find a good counsellor who can help you unpack why you're angry with yourself and how to forgive yourself.
• it is normal and healthy to feel hungry in the hour or two before meals

Find a good sugar free, low carb cook book with breakfasts, lunches and dinners in, and literally do not eat anything that's not in the book. Works because the recipes are healthy and contain protein and healthy fats, and because you don't snack as much because a 'snack' would involve cooking another meal!

I used to have such a shit relationship with food. I used to be an emotional eater and binge.
What worked for me was working out why I done it. Worked on that part then got strict with my food/meals. I'd meal plan the shit out of everything and wouldn't allow deviation. Don't focus on all I can eat is salad or similar - do research about what will fill you, choose the lesser of 2 evils etc, be honest to yourself about what you are putting in your mouth. The aim of the game at first is to not feel hungry until it becomes easier
Patience and determination too. It was hard at first but eventually after a few months I got used to it.
I have a healthy relationship with food/treats now.

Great thread, I am also interested in learning to live without food obsession. I have a toddler and really want to make sure he grows up with a healthy relationship to food.
I have started doing 2 things in the lockdown:

1. Started a weekly veg box delivery, gives me plenty new things to try out, so gives us variety. I don't really prepare light meals out of them, just regular things, so this is not necessarily aiding weight loss, but it gives us quality food which I think is the start to the long term healthy eating.
2. Started doing the 30-day plank challenge app. It starts off with just 3 minutes a day, so very doable. It then of course ups the time and the difficulty of the exercises, but still a short time per day and even if I don't manage to do some of them to the full duration, I still feel like I have done something. I can really feel the effect on my core strength.

Exercise

Read the compassionate mind approach to Beating Overeating. It will be a game changer in the long run, not just for losing weight but for living a happier life. www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Approach-Beating-Overeating/dp/1845298772?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

IME fixing your relationship with food and losing weight and mutually exclusive. I recommend you read Intuitive Eating.

Hello Frume
I think losing weight is a very individual thing and it takes time and effort to find something that works for you.
There are several people who are suggesting you do what they do because it has worked for them. I suggest you do some proper research and then see what you think would work for you and give it a try.
Some easy tips that have helped me over the years: if you have a craving for something sweet, eat and apple. Once you've finished a meal, brush your teeth. Try to keep busy. Find an exercise that you enjoy (though you might be limited to walking at the moment!)
Good luck

There’s really no shortcut, trick or way to make it easier. Losing weight is an equation and it’s simple as that.
Calories eaten-calories burnt= Weight fluctuation.

I lost 5 stone and have maintained that for over 5 years. It was harder before I realised that diets and excercise regimes didn’t work for me. I don’t enjoy exercise so I got busy and active in day to day life instead of going to the gym. I have a huge sweet tooth so some days I made up 80% of my calorie allowance in chocolate and cake.

I got busy and I didn’t exceed my calorie allowance so I still lost weight. There’s always a queue of people preaching best practice on weight loss and selling it at this giant wholesome, super healthy experience.

But it’s not going to kill you to eat 4 mars bars in one day if you don’t go over your daily allowance, it doesn’t matter if your exercise is walking around the shops all day or going to the gym. Lose weight in a way that works for you, if the socially promoted way isn’t/hasn’t worked!