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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start paying half the mortgage?

128 replies

Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 21:36

I think maybe a little back story for context.

I have DD (12) from previous relationship who I brought up on my own with little to no help from ex partner financially or otherwise. I have always been fiercely independent having had a very rough upbringing and moved away from "home" at 16. I'm now 29.

I worked my ass off to get where I was financially and rented my super cheap flat from the local authority. I then met my OH almost 4 years ago and last year we took the plunge and decided to move in together together. Well we had spoken about it ALOT and I found it so difficult to get to grips with the idea of living with someone else and 'relying' on someone else. We both wanted to move but I was just scared I guess. Eventually I decided one day that I'd hand in my notice to quit and 4 weeks later we moved in...

We agreed at the time now almost 1 year ago that if I moved to his (he owns his flat) that I wouldn't pay anything towards the mortgage because he was in negative equity, (purchase just before the market crashed) it would be a poor investment on my part to pay anything plus I'm not on the mortgage.

I've started feeling guilty about not paying anything towards the mortgage and he briefly mentioned recently in "jokey way" that I should start paying towards half the mortgage but I didn't say anything back. It's got me thinking well anything mentioned in that way is usually a sign of well this is something he wants to bring up but maybe doesn't want to go back on what he said.

Should I be paying my half?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 20/05/2020 21:38

Only pay half if you can actually be added legally to the mortgage by the bank

wiltingflower · 20/05/2020 21:39

As above, only pay if you will be added to the mortgage.

1Morewineplease · 20/05/2020 21:39

Yes you should.

1Morewineplease · 20/05/2020 21:40

And you should be contributing towards the bills too.

1Morewineplease · 20/05/2020 21:41

But you need to have your name on the mortgage too .

rwalker · 20/05/2020 21:47

Wouldn't pay to the mortgage but by very clear it is and always be his flat chip in to bills as you would be paying them .
You were paying rent before so you could give him a contribution.
At worse if it all went tits up you arrived with nothing and leave the same and had a few years of cheap rent.

monkeymonkey2010 · 20/05/2020 21:51

what do contribute to financially at the moment?
Ideally, you should be paying a nominal amount of 'rent' as well as your share of all bills.

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 21:51

@1Morewineplease I do pay half for all household bills with the exception of the mortgage

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 20/05/2020 21:55

Is the property still in negative equity?

1Morewineplease · 20/05/2020 21:58

Ah, ok @Astrid84
Apologies.

TitianaTitsling · 20/05/2020 21:59

How much would you be paying for half rent of a similar property?

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/05/2020 21:59

You don’t need to get involved with the mortgage. But you should be paying some rent. Why would you be exempt from paying rent for the home you live in?

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 21:59

@Waveysnail I think it's only just at market value

OP posts:
Boulshired · 20/05/2020 21:59

I think there is a difference between paying half the mortgage and paying rent. I wouldn’t expect to live in someone’s house and only pay half the bills. It would be better for him financially to rent out his place and then rent with you.

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 22:02

@TitianaTitsling half of the rent in this area is around 225 pcm but the mortgage is super cheap and if I paid half the mortgage itd work out less than paying half the current rental value

OP posts:
Mixingitall · 20/05/2020 22:03

Paying half the bills is right, perhaps you could put half of what the mortgage is in to a slush fund for holidays, days out, meals etc? That way you are making a contribution without actually paying the mortgage?

Or if it’s now at market value get added to the mortgage and perhaps look at changing the rate to see if with 2 incomes you can get better terms.

Lumene · 20/05/2020 22:03

Either get on the mortgage/deeds and pay half (is sensible) OR make a contribution to half rental value at market rate or less

Klaudia14 · 20/05/2020 22:03

Why would you pay anything towards the mortgage? You're not named on the deed! I agree, contribute towards bills, food etc but not the actual mortgage payments as you will have nothing to show for it.
I agree also about not being added to the mortgage if the property is in negative equity and tbh I think you'd struggle getting a high street lender to agree to it if property is still over 100%ltv

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 22:05

@DorotheaHomeAlone I dont think I I should be exempt from paying rent..

OP posts:
Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 22:10

@Mixingitall all of my left over income is currently going between savings pots. One of which is a deposit for a bigger house.

We would be unable to get a better mortgage deal it was 120% mortgage it has a loan tied to it as he had no deposit. So he would need to pay the loan off before he could get another mortgage.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 20/05/2020 22:10

If its out of negative equity then pay half WHEN your name.is on the mortgage. If you name is not on mortgage put that money into savings account instead to protect yourself

Mixingitall · 20/05/2020 22:20

Well then surely you are contributing to the pot? Does your partner just need reminding of this?

Ellisandra · 20/05/2020 22:23

Impossible to say without an overview of all finances.

Sugartitss · 20/05/2020 22:26

If you posted this about a man you’d be told he’s taking the piss and that he’s a cocklodger.

Yes of course you should pay half!!

YahBasic · 20/05/2020 22:29

Contribute what would be half of the small mortgage payment as your rent.

You’re still paying less than you would for market rate, and he feels that you’re contributing to the mortgage.

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