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AIBU?

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Original poster

To start paying half the mortgage?

128 replies

Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 21:36

I think maybe a little back story for context.

I have DD (12) from previous relationship who I brought up on my own with little to no help from ex partner financially or otherwise. I have always been fiercely independent having had a very rough upbringing and moved away from "home" at 16. I'm now 29.

I worked my ass off to get where I was financially and rented my super cheap flat from the local authority. I then met my OH almost 4 years ago and last year we took the plunge and decided to move in together together. Well we had spoken about it ALOT and I found it so difficult to get to grips with the idea of living with someone else and 'relying' on someone else. We both wanted to move but I was just scared I guess. Eventually I decided one day that I'd hand in my notice to quit and 4 weeks later we moved in...

We agreed at the time now almost 1 year ago that if I moved to his (he owns his flat) that I wouldn't pay anything towards the mortgage because he was in negative equity, (purchase just before the market crashed) it would be a poor investment on my part to pay anything plus I'm not on the mortgage.

I've started feeling guilty about not paying anything towards the mortgage and he briefly mentioned recently in "jokey way" that I should start paying towards half the mortgage but I didn't say anything back. It's got me thinking well anything mentioned in that way is usually a sign of well this is something he wants to bring up but maybe doesn't want to go back on what he said.

Should I be paying my half?

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 20/05/2020 22:29

Why should you live rent free whilst he pays the mortgage?

Notthetoothfairy · 20/05/2020 22:31

It seems fair for you to pay something, rather than be living completely rent/mortgage free. But if you are added to the mortgage, that could be disastrous if he ever defaults so the bank pursues you for all of it.

OntheWaves40 · 20/05/2020 22:33

Yes you should pay half, in lieu of rent. I would not put my name on a mortgage that was in negative equity though. That fact he’s brought it up and you didn’t and you’ve been there nearly a year not paying any rent and topping up your savings is a piss take.

HeckyPeck · 20/05/2020 22:45

make a contribution to half rental value at market rate or less

What is market rent for having to share a bed with your landlord, not having your own room & having zero rights?

You already pay half bills OP, you are covering your costs.

I wouldn’t charge a partner rent - they’re your partner not your tenant.

I would only contribute to mortgage if I was added to the dress, but I wouldn’t want to be added if he’s still in negative equity.

Fedhimtotigers · 20/05/2020 22:45

I think you should absolutely pay half. And I don't think you have any entitlement to the deeds at all!!

You are living in a home. It costs money to live there.

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 22:47

Thank you all for comments this has been so helpful!

Just had a conversation with him about it and he still agrees I shouldn't pay anything because it doesnt make sense.

Plus he reminded me because I'd be a first time buyer when we do buy together I could lose my government bonus for my help to buy if he did put me on mortgage!

OP posts:
Fedhimtotigers · 20/05/2020 22:48

If he's happy and you've willingly brought it up I'd say you're fine.

HeckyPeck · 20/05/2020 22:48

Why should you live rent free whilst he pays the mortgage?

Because his mortgage is an asset in his name only. It’s the same as putting savings into someone else’s saving account but that you have no access or claim to.

What is a fair rent for someone sharing your landlord’s bed, not having your own room or any rights?

OP moving in didn’t increase the mortgage. She is covering her costs. Nothing pisstaking about that.

TerrorWig · 20/05/2020 22:50

...and she's paying half the bills.

HeckyPeck · 20/05/2020 22:51

You are living in a home. It costs money to live there.

Sorry but it doesn’t cost him any more in his mortgage for OP living there and she’s paying half of bills.

What you’re saying is that she should pay more than she costs so he should make a profit out of her.

Glad he agrees OP!

A partner charging rent is the real pisstaker. Never be with a Scrooge McDuck!

RandomMess · 20/05/2020 22:51

Why is everyone rushing for the op to be on the mortgage??

The mortgage is the debt, the deeds is the asset (not that it's much of an asset at the moment it seems).

I think you should contribute more than half the bills as it's you and your DC not just you living there. I also think you need to have some savings so you can either rent by yourself if you ever need to or in the future buy into the flat and take on the mortgage as well.

toastedcrumpetsforme · 20/05/2020 22:55

Don't pay towards the mortgage. But do put some money into a help-to-buy ISA or other savings. That way, if you choose to buy together at a later date then you have some deposit and he will have some equity (hopefully) from selling his current property.

AnotherBoredOne · 20/05/2020 22:56

Can you keep as is while you are saving? When you get to the next stage get a joint mortgage?
Don't pay half of rent for the area but maybe half mortgage if it becomes an issue.
He Mx

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 22:57

@HeckyPeck thank you! I know he wouldn't do that neither would I stand for it and I absolutely do not want to be the puss taker hence my post.

I contribute half to all bills including the commons bill (I don't know what it's called but common area cleaning and garden maintenance and general maintenance of the building) and the home insurance.

OP posts:
AnotherBoredOne · 20/05/2020 22:58

Hit too soon.
Keep as is, sorry just read the update.
Focus on your savings to buy
Good luck

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/05/2020 22:59

In this instance, I'd open a joint account and match into it what he pays on the mortgage. The money accrues there until such a time you either marry or have your name added to the deeds and mortgage.

Then you will end up with a pot of money which can either go off the mortgage or be used for something as a couple.

Original poster
Astrid84 · 20/05/2020 23:01

@RandomMess yes it's an awful asset, we both know that and we're both penny pinching to get out of it ASAP.

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 20/05/2020 23:05

if my guy moved in with me, i'd like/expect him to pay something for 'rent', otherwise it's a bit cocklodgery.
I'd put the money towards the wear and tear/improvements/paying off loan.

If you intend on being a partnership then you find ways to make things as fair and smooth as possible for each other.

RandomMess · 20/05/2020 23:05

Definitely plough everything you can into a house buying ISA. Hopefully your partner is also better off with you contributing so he is able to save too!

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 20/05/2020 23:11

What he says about the 120% mortgage isn't technically correct OP. I'm presuming it's a Northern Rock Together mortgage (by far the most popular 100%+ mortgage just prior to the crash)... in which case the mortgage would've been, for example, 90% and the remaining 30% would've been an unsecured loan. If you couldn't raise sufficient money by remortgaging to settle the full lot, NRAM (as they are now known) would usually permit him to continue repaying the unsecured element over however many months are left on the agreement.

If he's still with the original lender 12 or 13 years after he took out the mortgage, I expect you'd both get a much better mortgage deal by putting some of your savings into paying down the mortgage and remortgaging jointly - that way you'd both be on the deeds, and you'd feel better as you'd be making a contribution to the equity.

Also when you mention a HTB first-time-buyer bonus, do you mean you're saving in a HTB ISA?

RandomLondoner · 20/05/2020 23:18

It's nuts people telling OP to be on the mortgage. All that does is make her liable to pay his pre-existing debt! He has negative equity, there is no net asset for her to have a share of.

That aside, if the general rule is to pay 50:50, then paying half the rental value of the property would be fair.

What is market rent for having to share a bed with your landlord, not having your own room & having zero rights?

She pays half the rent of a property that she is getting half the use of. Exactly the same as she would if the two of them were jointly renting the property from a third-party landlord. She would be getting exactly what she deserves for what she is paying. You need to treat her partner in his role as partner and her partner in his role as landlord as if they were two completely separate people.

Elieza · 20/05/2020 23:23

A mortgage payment is made up of capital and interest. You shouldn’t be paying the capital part as that’s the house part and it will never belong to you. Why would you want to pay that.

However the interest is what the bank charge to make their profit. I would suggest you pay half of that.

So if the mortgage is £600 pcm and £200 is capital and £400 is interest you should pay your half of the £400.

That would seem fair to me and you would have no financial claim to any profit that eventually accumulates in the house.

RandomLondoner · 20/05/2020 23:26

I contribute half to all bills including the commons bill

Actually you shouldn't pay towards the management charge or the mortgage, those are entirely his responsibilities, in his role as notional landlord.

What you need to do is imagine that both of you are renting from a third-party landlord. You hand over 50% of that imaginary rent to him. He pays the entire value of any costs that a landlord would pay. He pays the entire mortgage, the management charge, repairs etc. It follows from this logic that what he pays towards the mortgage is completely irrelevant. If the mortgage is £2000 a month and half the rent is £500, you pay £500. If he the wins the lottery and pays of his mortgage, so he has no monthly payments, you still pay £500. He has to contribute £10K to a new roof, his problem, not yours. You still pay £500. You are paying rent, landlord costs have no bearing on what you should pay.

RandomLondoner · 20/05/2020 23:29

Obviously I'm assuming that paying 50:50 is the general agreement. That can be reasonable in some circumstances, but it's not the most popular model for couple finances here. That's a completely separate issue though.

HeckyPeck · 20/05/2020 23:34

She pays half the rent of a property that she is getting half the use of. Exactly the same as she would if the two of them were jointly renting the property from a third-party landlord. She would be getting exactly what she deserves for what she is paying. You need to treat her partner in his role as partner and her partner in his role as landlord as if they were two completely separate people.

I couldn’t disagree more! He’s not her landlord, he’s her partner.

If I would ask for rent from a partner (which I’m sure you call all guess I wouldn’t) it would be a quarter of the rate of renting a room in a similar house house with shared facilities. Quarter because you have to sleep in your landlord’s bed.

OP maybe you should also charge each other an hourly rate when you clean the house. You don’t want to be a cocklodger after all Wink