To not appreciate looks and leers from men?

[notanobject]

*name change

I was out early this morning walking my dog and in running gear (right leggings and vest) as I planned to go for a run for the first time in a while. Not many people were out but two men playing loud music on a bench. I walk past and both are just staring at me, heads moving as I walk and I feel uncomfortable. I turn down a road, so they can see the back of me and I'm still uncomfortable because I can feel their eyes on my backside. When I walk my dog back to my house, they are still there and still looking at me.

I still haven't gone out for a run this morning, I'm so put off.

I'm not even attractive either which is weird, you would expect this to happen to good looking people right? This used to happenen all the time in my late teens (I'm late 20s now) that I refused to leave the house, especially in the summer. And I never make myself look nice, as much as I'd like to because I don't like or want looks from men.

Does this happen to anyone else?

What do you do when it happens? It's difficult to ignore because it's just too creepy.

Would you say anything to creeps who stare? I feel like confronting and screaming.

Finding this pretty grim reading to be honest.

Wishing men would lust and leer over you? Fuck sake I've seen it all now!

Absolutely grim and I'm sure most know what the op is talking about. HUGE difference between a look/glance at another person and creepy lingering leer. A huge majority of the latter make it glaringly fucking obvious too.

I've experienced this many times (not stealth boast) and have on occasion put a different outfit on to avoid those leers when I'm not feeling great. Any form of "attention" like that can make my anxiety through the roof on a bad day.

Just men looking at a woman that's all. If it was quiet all around, and they were doing nothing in particular, you became a focus of attention for a short time.

Can’t believe some of the responses. It’s totally obvious when men do this and it happens all the time. Well it doesn’t to me anymore as I’m over 50 and thus now invisible (silver linings!) it’s uncomfortable and I used to hate walking past groups of men as there was always going to be a high risk of leers or comments - cheer up love etc- it’s all about power and dominance. I’d like to think it’s less these days as I don’t particularly want my daughter to have this objectification. However I’m not sure whether much has changed.

You find men looking at you offensive ?.

It would make my day 💐😉

Those people saying it's just men looking (or people looking at other people)....I don't think they understand the type of 'looking' OP is referring to.

And those ridiculously saying they wish men leered are them....trust me you don't, not like this.

OP did not mean a complimentary glance of appreciation from a man. She meant an uncomfortable silence while there eyes are glued to your body - making no attempt to hide the fact that they are mentally wanking over you. It's disgusting and it makes you feel very vulnerable. It's not flattering.

And those suggesting that by wearing sports clothes and exercising you have chosen to be leered at (victim shaming)...what a disgusting opinion.

Post this on the feminism board and you'll get better responses - some idiotic things have been said on here today. Smh.

When I made the mistake of going running in Sri Lanka, a lone guy who had been walking made a remark as I ran past and when I ignored him, started running and actually followed me.

Luckily I was far fitter than he was and comfortably outran him. Shouldn’t have had to though. The whole experience left me a bit shaken.

Post this on the feminism board and you'll get better responses - some idiotic things have been said on here today.

Define "better".

I'm not sure I've ever been looked at by a stranger as if he's 'mentally wanking' on me, if i have, I certainly didn't realise, there was the flasher one time, but he was actually wanking

When I started running for the first few months I used the treadmill at the gym. I had men shouting at me from a van on my third time running in public. I noticed other women runners more after I picked up the habit and have seen countless examples of men leering at, commenting on and shouting at other women running. I use headphones and now run fast enough that I don’t notice anything aimed at me.

It’s why I use a women only gym.

Yanbu. Absolutely hate being leered at (which is very different from being glanced at/looked at) or cars beeping or being shouted out to in the street. Makes me feel so anxious, and increasingly makes me feel angry. Fortunately it happens less these days and I don't know if it's my age (32), because I live in a different area, or if it happens less overall. It was an awful part of growing up and I hope that my dd never has to suffer it.

I can't quite get my head around someone 'choosing' to stay overweight in order to discourage perceived or otherwise attention.

I’ve recently lost a bit of weight (3 and a half stone) and I remember commenting on a thread saying I’ve now noticed a lot more male attention, to which another poster said male attention was one of the reasons why she put on weight as she liked being invisible to men. Maybe the same poster..

@PicsInRed

Pretty much.
It's not amazing how obvious these guys are and also how little awareness that have of how unable they are to convincingly "write woman" online.

Yes, very true, and, as you said, women just don’t say the ‘young women I know’

It does make you wonder just how many trolls are around.

OP did not mean a complimentary glance of appreciation from a man. She meant an uncomfortable silence while there eyes are glued to your body - making no attempt to hide the fact that they are mentally wanking over you. It's disgusting and it makes you feel very vulnerable

Yes exactly.

It really annoys me when other women and men try to say that women who object to this are just uptight or can't take a compliment.

That's not what it is. I'm 38, I know the difference between a quick glance by a passing man who find you attractive and a really sinister, aggressive leer which is actually less to do with what you look like and more to do with them trying to exert power over you.

It's interesting, this thread. A substantial number of people can't tell the difference between a glance or being noticed, and the kind of intense looking OP is referring to.

For any men who may be wondering, noticing a woman is attractive is not the issue. There is no crime in glancing at or talking to someone you find attractive.

The offence comes when you are looking at a woman's body parts, rather than at the woman.

Leering is definitely creepy, don't get me wrong. However, you don't have eyes in the back of your head and maybe they were even looking at your dog.
The point is, socially normal, well adjusted people do not leer.
These were two guys, probably a pair of no goods, sitting on a bench with their boombox. And it sucks but some people aren't nice or normal.
Go for your run, run with your dog even. You need to learn to shake off the dregs of society because they don't care about right or wrong and wouldn't bat an eyelid if you confronted them.

and wouldn't bat an eyelid if you confronted them.

Women know not to confront 2 men.

Some off the charts "unknowledgable" posts this afternoon, eh?

I got 'catcalled' a few weeks ago whilst walking with my 7yo. I can't believe other women doubt that men are often sometimes just like that.

It only annoys me if they say something - which is a lot / sometimes walking down my high street I get things like “hey, blondie” I always shout back something like - “yeah what do you want?? Hello? Do you want me for something? What is it? You were calling me?.. “make a few people watch what’s happening - they never do have anything else to say and get embarrassed being called out

This is s very unusual thread with the responses.

I've read many of these threads over the years in a variety of diffrrent MN topics and it's usually about 2 people saying it's a compliment, you're imagining it, what's wrong with a man looking at you etc and scores saying yes I know exactly what you mean and I hate it too