To not appreciate looks and leers from men?

[notanobject]

*name change

I was out early this morning walking my dog and in running gear (right leggings and vest) as I planned to go for a run for the first time in a while. Not many people were out but two men playing loud music on a bench. I walk past and both are just staring at me, heads moving as I walk and I feel uncomfortable. I turn down a road, so they can see the back of me and I'm still uncomfortable because I can feel their eyes on my backside. When I walk my dog back to my house, they are still there and still looking at me.

I still haven't gone out for a run this morning, I'm so put off.

I'm not even attractive either which is weird, you would expect this to happen to good looking people right? This used to happenen all the time in my late teens (I'm late 20s now) that I refused to leave the house, especially in the summer. And I never make myself look nice, as much as I'd like to because I don't like or want looks from men.

Does this happen to anyone else?

What do you do when it happens? It's difficult to ignore because it's just too creepy.

Would you say anything to creeps who stare? I feel like confronting and screaming.

Take it as a compliment for heavens sake

May I borrow your time machine?

I'd like to go back and stop Covid.

Sympathies notanobject

Its off putting when men do this, very unpleasant at times

These creeps dont hide what thoughts they're having well.

Well it seems like they did given you didn't hear them say anything about or to you, and they didn't do anything other than look at you? How did you know that their gaze was following you unless you were equally glancing at them?

And scary...it can be very scary as well

Sorry - I think you are being totally paranoid, and everything you have posted suggest that the issue lies with you. You are using strongly emotive language which is in no way backed up by facts. You are accusing people of doing something when you can't even see them. All that possibly happened is that they possibly looked at you. That is something that humans do. They look at each other. I was out in the park this morning, as every morning, and nigh on every person I saw looked at me. And I looked back. Usually with a cheery good morning on both sides.

All this comes on top of not making yourself look nice because of what you think about men. And shutting yourself in the house because men might look at you. Knowing what people are doing when you aren't looking. And being telepathic about what people are thinking. I'm sorry, but I think you should speak to your GP about all of this, because it is not normal.

@Moondust001 totally agree!

For starters, it is possible that they don't really realise how much they're looking/leering/staring. I've certainly realised before that I was 'staring' at someone when in reality I was deep in thought or daydreaming, and just happened to have my gaze on someone.

You can't reliably guess their intentions, so you shouldn't let it dictate how you dress or when/whether you go out running.

I don't give a shit who looks.

I think the issue is you and you deserve not to feel like this so should get some help to deal with your disproportionate response to thinking that someone is looking at you when you are out in a public place.

Try to ignore it and not let it control you. I know it's hard, but some people have no class, no social etiquette and they stare because they are weird. It's not nice and you can tell them loudly to stop staring as it will likely embarrass them, but they could turn aggressive too, and you don't sound the type to be upfront about things like this which is fine.

I have to go out a lot in tight jodhpurs as I can't be bothered changing to go to the shops. I just ignore everyone, if they stare, they stare. That's their problem, not mine. I do seem to have a pretty good 'fuck off' aura though so I've never had anyone dare approach me in a negative way.

Take it as a compliment for heavens sake and grow up.

Yes, what other value do women have except their attractiveness? It's what's on the outside that counts.

I'm surprised by the responses you are getting. There is a difference between noticing someone attractive and obviously leering. I would think an overwhelming majority of women can tell the difference, even if it is subtle.

I do agree that you need to find a way to limit the effect this has on you and to accept that some level of attention when you are in revealing clothes. Clearly you are not as unattractive as you think.

Ah yes OP is the victim of a man staring at her!! Call the police! I’m glad most young women I know have a grip on reality and aren’t so wound up by a person staring 😂

Ah so you’re male. Typical.

Yes, staring is rude and creepy. No one said anything about the police. Get a grip and grow up, @Rubywhox.

Jesus Christ, this thread is depressing. A real victim-blaming bingo!

-- You were asking for it by wearing tight clothes
-- It's all in your head
-- You must be over-sensitive, have you been raped before?
-- Men are just like that
-- Not all men, of course

OP YANBU. It's ridiculous to say that women can't tell the difference between looking and leering. And yes it sucks that everywhere (not just in the 'first world' ffs) women have to put up with unwanted attention from men, when they're just trying to go about their day.

I know what you mean op.

Sometimes men look at women and you know it's because they find them attractive but it's not creepy. It's normal...people look at those who they find attractive...both men and women. It's not always intimidating.

The situation you describe sounds more aggressive imo. It's not a passing glance from a man who thinks you are pretty...it's two men who are purposefully trying to make you feel intimidated.

A good article on why staring (not glancing) is wrong:

medium.com/@remakingmanhood/a-simple-metoo-guide-for-looking-at-women-on-the-street-glancing-vs-staring-7c9eeef58a4a

I don’t look at women for more than a second and I don’t let my gaze linger. I do this out of respect for a simple fact — -women don’t feel safe. No matter how “civilized” we insist western society has become, there exists a real and present danger for women, a threat posed by aggressive men.

'Take it as a compliment' is the most depressing thing I've read on here. Jesus, all women know the difference between a man who is looking and one who is leering. It made OP feel uncomfortable, that's enough for it to be an issue.

Do yourself a favour and read the article I posted.

Ah yes OP is the victim of a man staring at her!! Call the police! I’m glad most young women I know have a grip on reality and aren’t so wound up by a person staring

Huge difference between a quick glance or a look at someone you fancy and actual staring.

Purposefully staring at someone is actually really rude and quite an act of aggression. It's purpose is to make the other person feel uncomfortable.

It’s ridiculous that the OP can’t understand the difference.

It’s ridiculous that you don’t believe OP when she says she’s being leered at.

OP YANBU. It's ridiculous to say that women can't tell the difference between looking and leering

For goodness sake, she said she could "feel their eyes on [her] backside". At that point they might not even have been looking in her direction! She claims to be able to feel someone looking at a specific part of her anatomy when she cannot even see their face and has no idea where they may be looking- that is ridiculous.