To not appreciate looks and leers from men?

[notanobject]

*name change

I was out early this morning walking my dog and in running gear (right leggings and vest) as I planned to go for a run for the first time in a while. Not many people were out but two men playing loud music on a bench. I walk past and both are just staring at me, heads moving as I walk and I feel uncomfortable. I turn down a road, so they can see the back of me and I'm still uncomfortable because I can feel their eyes on my backside. When I walk my dog back to my house, they are still there and still looking at me.

I still haven't gone out for a run this morning, I'm so put off.

I'm not even attractive either which is weird, you would expect this to happen to good looking people right? This used to happenen all the time in my late teens (I'm late 20s now) that I refused to leave the house, especially in the summer. And I never make myself look nice, as much as I'd like to because I don't like or want looks from men.

Does this happen to anyone else?

What do you do when it happens? It's difficult to ignore because it's just too creepy.

Would you say anything to creeps who stare? I feel like confronting and screaming.

This thread’s gone a weird way - Surely most of us have been in a situation like the one OP describes. On paper it’s just ‘looking’ but intent staring at a woman in running gear is understandably going to make people uneasy!

OP, I don’t say anything when something like this happens - which isn’t right but I decdide ignore it. But YANBU to feel uncomfortable And it’s isn’t fair that we have to put U.K. with it!

And it’s isn’t fair that we have to put U.K. with it!

Is it different anywhere else?

Not in my experience.

Ignore my last post. Misinterpretation of a typo.

I live in an inner-city area with a fair amount of crime and social issues (particularly drug use). Everyday I must pass 2-3 people acting strangely or giving off weird vibes. But I shrug it off because we're not all the same. I would suggest that 2 guys sitting on a bench playing music in the early morning are not representative of men. For me, they would be on the fringes of society and if I had to think about it, possibly sleeping rough or in a hostel. Most men don't take a boom box out early morning.
OP - I suggest that you mentally dismiss some behaviour and don't let it get to you. I'm guessing you haven't worked in the community much. Just keep your guard up for personal safety.

I'm really shocked at these responses on a website predominantly used be women! And "you should take it as a compliment" - Jesus wept! That poster must either be male or very young.

I refuse to believe posters are that unaware of the situation the op is describing. Everyone with half a brain cell other than apparently sleazy men know the difference between a glance and a stare or leer. Humans are also more than capable of feeling eyes watching them as they walk away, particularly females as the poster above mentioned it's imperative in protecting us from predators. It's instinctive and a useful tool for human, particularly female survival.

@DianaT1969

I would suggest that 2 guys sitting on a bench playing music in the early morning are not representative of men. For me, they would be on the fringes of society

And there it is - NAMALT. My bingo card is complete 😂

I would suggest that 2 guys sitting on a bench playing music in the early morning are not representative of men. For me, they would be on the fringes of society and if I had to think about it, possibly sleeping rough or in a hostel. Most men don't take a boom box out early morning

My thoughts entirely.

The looks imo don't sound one of appreciation but aggression and intimidation. Especially the fact there was two of them...it's basically saying we are stronger than you and are in a position of power of you.

The only reaction you can give to men who stare and leer is no reaction. Often they want you to notice that they've noticed - try going out in full riding kit and see what happens! I'm also usually wearing running shorts and crop tops - I'm ancient, but still get looked at.

I pretend not to notice. That way it doesn't feed their egos. If they comment, well then they are fair game for full on sarcasm.

But you do sound a little bit hyper-aware, OP. Do you feel unsafe? Anxious generally? It may be an idea to talk to someone like a GP if you find these feeings are controlling your behaviour.

Ah so you’re male. Typical.

I did wonder.

Ruby the giveaway is that "young women" dont go around referring to each other as the "young women they know". To each other, we're just women or even...people.

”Jesus Christ, this thread is depressing. A real victim-blaming bingo!”

-I agree!
Have to say i am really suprised about the comments.
I thought women would be more understanding and supportive about this subject...

Secondly in my experience, young women DO deal with these things differently to older women

Women, when talking to each other, would express a different perspective to that.

The bitter, stare hating, older, woman is a very different perspective indeed.

Take it as a compliment for heavens sake
Wow .. this says it all

Secondly in my experience, young women DO deal with these things differently to older women

My teen is being taught when she is leered at, cat called at etc “fuck off” is appropriate. She certainly doesn’t take it as a compliment.

I've been running for years and have never particularly noticed being leered at. Maybe it's about you choose to notice

I think a lot of people here are failing to appreciate the context. An incident of possible leering / staring is not what we are talking about. We are talking about someone who had previously refused to leave their home because of a fear of men looking at her. That is not normal. She says she could see them continuing to leer / state when she had her back to them or was out of sight . Bearing in mind that in order to see the men doing anything at all she must have been looking at them. This is not about victim blaming. There is no victim! There is no evidence that the men did a single thing, and plenty of evidence that the poster is reacting, and has always reacted, in a very abnormal way to the entire male world. It's her saying these things about herself. So there's plenty of evidence that something is not right about her reaction. Why that may be we don't know, but it isn't normal.

Take it as a compliment for heavens sake
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I cant believe so many women here are defending the men who do this. There's a huge difference between a glance at someone and staring them up and down or staring at their body parts, turning their head to check them out etc... I cant believe the majority of women here think it's ok. It can have a big effect on your mental health to be constantly viewed this way.

Moondust001
Obviously some women get more male attention than others, unless you've experienced it happening constantly you have no idea how it can affect someone!

99% of women here are happy to be stared up and down, leered at, have their body parts inspected, what about sexual words, groans etc? What about your daughters, there's apparently nothing wrong with 'looking' so it's fine for a man to check out your 13 year old daughters? I cannot believe how many women are claiming not to know the difference between looking and leering.... and how uncomfortable it can be to have someone leering staring and checking out your body parts