Is NDN being unreasonable?

[PeaceLoveAndCandy]

NDN is a friend and my DS and her DS (both 13 YO) are friendly and go to the same school; not in same form but same year. Obviously both doing school lessons from home. My DS is doing ok, not fantastic but ok in the circumstances. NDN's son has totally given up. School have been saying he needs to get his act together and that NDN needs to step up, sort out some sort of routine, monitoring, etc. They are right to be honest, NDN doesn't check on her DS who is mildly autistic. He just games all day and into the early hours. During the day he falls asleep because he's exhausted.

NDN has told me that in order to get him to do some work next week, she doesn't want to tell her DS that it's half term. I feel this is not fair as he will find out anyway and lose trust on his mum. I want to gently suggest she sets an expectation that they together come up with a plan of action this week, then take next week off like all other kids, and then start fresh the week after.

My question is, is my NDN being unreasonable in wanting to do this?

Literally nothing to do with you. I would stay well out of this. Just focus on what you’re doing for your kids and trust that she knows what she’s doing. It’s hard to appreciate individuals circumstances in the round in this situations. I would just nod along.

I agree nothing to do with you just concentrate on your own son.

She's responding to a prompt from the school. Whether its holiday or not her son is being asked to address his work . None of your business at all.

Is she asking you/your son to be complicit in this? Is that the dilemma? I think it's up to her but she is being naive in thinking he won't find out. Getting up to date is a good thing and getting him through some of it next week whilst it not being added to makes sense. Tbh if he is autistic then she may be struggling. My friends ds who is autistic always went to homework club for example because home was home and school was school.

She’s not being unreasonable to want to get him to do some work next week but I think she needs a plan they can both agree on in order to get anything done. Maybe suggest they make a plan but don’t suggest the son has the week off. If he’s already not engaging and behind on his work, then the half term week is ideal for some catching up when no new work will be set.

Tbh if you suggested to me that he not work when school have asked for some work to be done, I’d think you were trying to sabotage my son to make yours look better...

You say she needs to address his lack of school work but then criticise her plan to get him doing some! You should mind your own business.

I don’t think she is, if she can get him back on track by encouraging a bit of work each day next week then that’s a positive thing. Lots of kids work during the holidays anyway, different households have different situations. I wouldn’t get involved.

Keep yer 👃 nose out !

Don’t interfere! My dd is same age and autistic. It’s so much hard work just to even ask her about school work, let alone get her to do any. You don’t know how your NDN may be struggling. My dd is doing some work, but I’m leaving it up to her. She knows I am here if she needs anything. Most kids of that age know it’s half term anyway. My dd certainly knows when her school holidays are!

Mind your own business

He’s 13 so he’ll probably find out from friends anyway when he’s online.

What’s it got to do with you? You realise I’m in sentence you are critical of her actions and then when she tries to do something about it you are critical again? I’m fed up of all this criticism during lockdown people do what is right for their family none of your business.

Ha! This reminds me of the William & Kate interview when Kate confessed she hadn’t told the kids it was the Easter holidays to keep them doing school work

I can't imagine why you would think this is any of your business.

She has every right to ask you to mind your own business if you say anything to her.

Focus on your own child.

I agree it's madness, far better to have a proper break and a fresh start after HT but it's not for you to say.

If she's letting this happen she is probably on her knees. However harshly you judge her she is judging herself 100x worse. She probably cries herself to sleep at night.

Try listening and being supportive. It won't kill you

Tpu think she needs to do more and then she does more snd thats too much?

Concentrate on your own household, hers is nothing to do with you

Who cares? Seriously, this has nothing to do with you so keep well out

It's nothing to do with you.
How do you know the school have said such things?
Also unless you have an autistic child don't judge someone's parenting. What works for you doesn't work for them.
Get over yourself babes.

Also glad your son is doing so well and the autistic child next door is doing so badly.
Is that what you want to hear OP? I'll raise a glass for you tonight, the same glass you hold up against the wall.

She should tell him the truth but state that for him it's business as usual because he's had his half term and more, already.

Using the term ‘mildly autistic’ kinda shows you havnt got a clue about her son.. honestly I say this kindly.. just stay out of it.. if your son doesn’t have ASD then you havnt got a clue

No such thing as mildly autistic. He is autistic. School sound very unsupportive as do you. They are doing what they need to do to get through confusing times. School work is far less important than maintaining reasonable mental health.

But out

This is EXACTLY none of your business.

Concentrate on your own son, and leave NDNs son to her to manage. It sounds like she's got enough on her plate without sticky-beak neighbour telling her what to do.

If, and ONLY if, she directly says, "what would you do?" Then you could give some "well, if it were me..." advice. Otherwise, sympathise if required, but stay out of it. Not your monkey, not your circus.