Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

Really! My wife and I are both WFH. I feel I'm just as productive from home as the office but we have to work around each other and the children. Perhaps instead of crying "it's not fair" you should realise how lucky you are.

It sounds hard and unfair for you OP.

Just as it's hard and unfair for everyone else, in a million different ways.
Try to be tolerant and understanding. And don't assume you know their full personal situation.

And maybe next time take a second thought before you start a thread on a pre ting forum which reads as critical of parents and the. Your follow up posts reinforce that perception.

Parenting, not pre ting!

Jesus fucking Christ. This is one of the most unreasonable things I’ve read on here. YABVVVVVVVVVVU.

Also FWIW my colleagues without young children are sometimes doing less. My employer has rightly been clear that due to the stressful situation they don't mind if we use some normal work time to look after our mental health, exercise etc. Seriously your problem is a shitty employer. Rather than feeling angry refuse to do more than your contracted hours you actually paid for.

So all those parents who feels OP is goady etc . Why is it fair that you get to work less and get the same amount of pay? I am not saying it's not hard but why is this situation correct? And why should the OP pick up her colleague's slack and for the same amount she was earning before
OP I think you need to broach this with your employer.

The thread is summed up by the OP saying

I completely sympathise and understand this is hard

And posting it on MN. And being surprised at the reaction

It displays a massive lack of self awareness and a massive immaturity and lack of sympathy and understanding.

Nothing else really needs to be said.

I really don't know what the OPs expects and wants and that's really the thing here for me.

If the OP is suggesting that parents should be penalised she wants a race to the bottom for all women and the removal of all protection for women in the workplace, whether she realises this or not. I thought that women (and yes in most cases it is women) being paid 70% less because they had kids was an opinion that went out of fashion with the Ark, but I could have been mistaken.

If she thinks that she's somehow got it harder, then boy is she in for a shock. One that everyone who has got kids can have a good laugh about, when she comes back on here tearing her hair and asking how I stop my five year old from asking 'But Why?' every two minutes. Every day. For weeks. Sorry months.

If she think that people are lazy and taking the piss, maybe someone can oblige by putting their life on camera for 24 hours for her to monitor and fully assess whether they indeed doing nothing, or whether they are just trying to keep plates spinning. And whilst she might be needing to vent on here she might want to consider how much of a brave face parents due to the children.

And if parents can't do work, and by that I mean physically unable to, not unwilling to, what alternative does she think her employer should take? If they are struggling to adapt and bringing in less revenue, then paid overtime is out of the question...

The OPs grasp on reality on the situation seems to be somewhat lacking.

And the parents here are just supposed to smile sweetly and say 'of course dear, you are perfectly right' whilst patting the OP on the head instead of completely losing THEIR shit and going

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!

Venting their frustration at the spectacular lack of clue from the OP?

Really?

Honestly?

On MN?

Wow. If that's true that's some special level of cognitive dissonance going on there.

The decisions taken will be the ones that best protect the business and the maximum number of employees. We can all argue and scream "Unfair!" on here, but in RL they can and will be keeping the most productive people

As OP herself recognised, this is the hard reality of the situation - and the longer it drags on the more redundancies will be necessary and the harder it'll get

We all thought the days had gone when one parent stayed at home with the kids, but we could easily be headed back there - not out of choice, but because that's what business economics might bring about

Why is it fair that you get to work less and get the same amount of pay?

Why is it fair that all childcare got shut?

Delivering 100% to work means ignoring/ neglecting children. Is that right or fair?

Nothing about this situation is ‘fair’. I don’t believe that parents should be forced to chose between neglecting their kids, working themselves to a breakdown or quitting. If they can’t deliver 100% then so be it. They don’t have super powers.

The OP needs to take her situation up with her boss.

Why is it fair that you get to work less and get the same amount of pay? I am not saying it's not hard but why is this situation correct? And why should the OP pick up her colleague's slack and for the same amount she was earning before

Working and looking after your kid because of worldwide events beyond your control is work.

This is a global pandemic. Parents didn't collectively decide to pull their kids out of nursery / school and WFH.

We ALL need to pitch in and do what we can to keep our organisations going, and to look after each other - including children who are part of society (!) - in this particular, global, health crisis...none of which is fair! None of it. We have to get through it. Together.

You would hate working for my company. Global company, the MD himself is at home with 2 under 5s and we have all been instructed not to feel guilty for being parents and looking after our kids. We are all doing what we can. I have a 3 year old and can't be furloughed (weird job, keyworker and can WFH).

The definition of stress is entering a conference call knowing full well that your feral 3 year old is in the vicinity.

Don't forget, your managers may have children themselves and won't be too sympathetic if they themselves are battling working and parenting.

Nobody likes a moaning myrtle or people who stomp on others to push themselves in the limelight.

@chopc because we are in a global pandemic? I'm working my full time hours whilst juggling 2 toddlers and the rest of the shit I need to do to keep the wheels turning and not have a breakdown. People are doing their best, what is your solution?

The definition of stress is entering a conference call knowing full well that your feral 3 year old is in the vicinity.

I have had the ‘daddy won’t let me play with the paw patroller’ meltdown in the middle of the very serious quarterly budgets meeting. I almost died of embarrassment.

And those that are suggesting they are going to base redundancy on productivity during a global pandemic are absolutely kidding themselves. Some of the best and most productive people in my organisation are currently juggling lots and so aren't up to normal capacity but like fuck will the business get rid of them in peace time.

Laurie I was in a conference call with a European Director and DD came blurting in and asked him for a unicorn.
I was silent in my horror.

To his credit he did agree to buy one immediately and pop it in the post.

I've instructed her to ask for a raise next time.

I've instructed her to ask for a raise next time.

Good thinking

My colleagues have been furloughed on full pay, all childless. I’m still WFH (and thankful) with an increased workload, whilst trying to homeschool a 5yo and entertain/look after a 1yo. It’s stressful. I’ll prob be furloughed after June, when my company will no longer be topping up to full pay.

It is what it is - as someone said previously, you’ll drive yourself mad with the comparisons.

Of course they won't base redundancies on how productive parents of small children are during a global pandemic.

There are families the world over juggling work and childcare, the nature of my job puts me in contact with people from a multitude of countries.

Even in calls where top management are present, it's not uncommon to hear a little voice piping up in the background!

"The definition of stress is entering a conference call knowing full well that your feral 3 year old is in the vicinity."

No no it's not, you have no idea what kind of stresses I am under, just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have stress.

I didn't put lots of details of my personal situation in here but considering how many posters have made it personal by insulting, belittling and actually wishing bad things on me I'll give you a little snapshot of my life.

I live in a house share so have to work entirely from my bed in my bedroom with crap light and damaging my back, for 12 hours a day. I am worried about everyone I love and myself. My mum is type one diabetic, my grandad has prostate cancer and his treatment is being halted because of the current pandemic. Because of this both my parents and grandparents are shielding so I'm doing all of the shopping for them as well as myself. I haven't seen anyone I love in weeks, my parents, grandparents, boyfriends, friends, every single person I love in my life, Atleast those of you with children get to spend every day with people you love. On top of that everything I enjoy in life is gone, hobbies, measure, friends, I'm literally living to work right now. I have anxiety and a panic disorder and with the stress of everything I'd say I'm averaging 3 panic attacks a week, and yet I'm not able to see anyone who knows me well enough to know about my panic disorder so I'm experiencing all of theses alone. I had an early miscarriage back in October and if it weren't for that I'd be due right about now so that is playing on my mind as well.

So to anyone who thinks I have it easier without kids just think about that, I'm not saying I have it easier but it is just as hard in a different way. To anyone taking out their frustration on me thinking it's ok because your more stressed so I can be your punching bag take a look at yourself and ask why you think it's ok to verbally abuse anyone.

Do I deserve to moan now? Now I've given you the background Is my life shit enough that by MN standards I am finally allowed to complain? Or should I still put up and shit up and just be grateful I don't have a 3 year old right now!

Nothing about this situation is fair. On anyone. There is no good solution. You’re on a hiding to nothing if you’re going down that route.

Outside of the pandemic, there are always people who pick up the slack of others at work. I am one of them. I have tended to think that I ‘have’ to but really it is down to personal choices I make about work ethic, reputation and priorities. Before all this kicked off, I was starting to refuse to always go that extra mile and, to my surprise, the world did not end. Cover for those with kids or just do your hours - it’s your choice.

@Heydugger - yes it's shit - perhaps said parent needs to juggle working hours with their other halves or if it's not possible and they need to work less hours, accept they will get less pay

All I am saying is that it is not right that non parents pick up the slack of parents. However if the situation was for example -they would give some of their annual leave allowance to OP for the extra work she is putting in?

However on reflection I think as some posters mentioned perhaps OP just do her hours and say she couldn't complete the work in those hours and would employer like to pay her overtime? I can completely understand why resentment would set in.

Is everyone's output always exactly the same? What about a colleague who is more skilled than others who therefore gets more work of a higher quality done in the same amount, or less, time? What about a colleague who lacks attention to detail and whose work is littered with mistakes that others have to spend time correcting? Just as a random example.

In many workplaces there are people picking up the slack on the daily, pandemic or not, while others struggle or coast or simply don't do as good a job because they are not as talented or able. OP, you might even be one of them. You might not. But you'd better hope you never have anything else on your mind; a nasty break up, debt problems, a sick parent to care for, an unexpected multiple birth or disabled child, illness or disability of your own. When we go through these things, which for many are part of life, we can't just drop work. We often can't even get time off. Those of us who are lucky will have kind and caring colleagues who at the very best help us through and at the very least don't make us feel shit for experiencing life. Just be kind.

Cross post, OP. I see you have lots going on in your life. So don't you think employers should be supportive of people with caring responsibilities? It shouldn't be a race to the bottom, we all need some kindness and support. Taking that away from parents helps no one. Showing how much better everyone functions with the right support does.

No one on this thread knew the ‘snapshot of your life’ until you posted it. Just like you don’t know about other people’s lives.

I sympathise, but everyone has their own shit going on at the moment. We all just need to get through it.

OP yes that's hard and you have my full sympathy but imagine all of that (pretty much everything you've written, down to other caring responsibilities) plus two toddlers. That's all everyone is saying - it's shit for everyone, it's not a race to the bottom. Take it up with your employers it's not parents fault. I am sorry you're having a hard time, it's all a bit rubbish at the moment.