Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

It can't afford to retain those who cannot/will not do their jobs, and that goes for everyone, parents or not.

And if we can get childcare / school sorted then there will be no problem at all with parents doing their jobs.

In the meantime, we’re not fucking superhumans.

Those with caring responsibilities are already doing 2 jobs at the same time.

Me and my dp are working from home full-time with our 17 month old. I am actually ripping my hair out tying to keep on top of everything. The house is a state, my toddler screams and whines almost constantly and dangerously climbs the furniture, I’m having to run over and ‘save’ him all the time and then he’ll have a massive tantrum because I’ve put him down, meaning, no, I can’t answer your bloody zoom call right now. I can’t give him the attention he needs- nor can I fully focus on my work. I have never been so stressed and guilty in my life, it’s affecting my sleep and giving me nightly panic attacks. We don’t live in a posh house with a play room and a study for peace and a place to focus. I don’t know what you mean by ‘childcare difficulties’- I am the bloody childcare at the moment. I would not choose this situation ever, believe me I’d rather be in the office pulling my weight and performing to the best of my ability.

Op, I really don’t think you understand that looking after a child is a full time is a job in its self, you have absolutely no clue about the distraction that comes with it. I would actually consider quitting my job over this but we’re struggling with our bills as it is. I would MUCH rather work a few extra hours in the day than constantly have to neglect my child’s emotional well-being for my work, all the while being looked down on by colleagues for my reduced productivity. This is the worst time in my life. Why don’t you just consider that none of us are getting a good deal with coronavirus and there’s much worse that could happen to you at the moment? My dad died of Covid in April and I have no choice but to get on with it. I’m sick of people going out of their way to roast parents at this time. Shame on you.

I actually laughed at you op and couldn't be arsed reading any more posts .
But your problem is your employer it's naff all to do with people with kids and you have no right to comment on people who don't want to send dc back to school as it's nothing to do with you .

@Thurlow I totally agree with your post and just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’ve never felt such overwhelming responsibility as I do now and less prepared to know what to do.

For the OP, I’m sorry you feel that way but please find some empathy for your colleagues with children who, like most people, are just trying to do their best in a frankly horrendous set of circumstances

"It can't afford to retain those who cannot/will not do their jobs, and that goes for everyone, parents or not."

And if we can get childcare / school sorted then there will be no problem at all with parents doing their jobs.

Quite.

However, in my department we currently have:

"Can I WFH, as I have a child with complex medical needs who is shielding?" - Of course, take as long as you need

"Can I WFH as my child's nursery is still shut?" - Of course, let us know when it re-opens.

"Can I WFH (can only do a little bit), as my furloughed DH isn't used to looking after our two boys aged 6 and 9?"...... uumm

Although I agree Suited, in these situations I do genuinely worry about DV.

This is an unknown and horrible situation that we are all in. I have two toddlers and at first given some slack but now no, I need to make up my hours, sometimes til late at night. But we are all healthy and safe so I deal with it. You may think you are picking up the slack but there will be people who are really struggling trying to get through the day with kids. And remember not everyone puts in 100% all of the time and I'm sure there are a few people without kids at home who are taking it easy and not pulling their weight

Noti23 xx

that I am in no way attacking parents

Hahahahahahaha

Maybe you should speak to your employer OP. Although I’d check your spelling if you do.

Why are people talking about 'when' OP has children? She hasn't said she intends to?

It's literally in the first sentence of the OP.

I don't think you have chosen the right forum to moan

Jeezoh, exactly - I knew having children would involve making some difficult decisions over the years but this feels beyond me. Everyone, even the scientists and the specialists, has a different opinion and it feels so big and impossible to make the right decision.

Wow. You've complained about parents on a parenting forum?! Clever...

How entitled are you generally, or is this your specialist subject?

You need to speak to your employer if you have such an issue.This isnt what I've experienced wfh.

I'm a mum. I'm wfh. Nobody else can pick up my work, so believe me, I'm getting it done.

If anything my daughter is suffering whilst I break my back to do my job.

Your attitude is utterly appalling I'm afraid. Never mind other people not working as a team. You arent either.

OP, wfh with kids is awful. We know are doing poorly at all this, but there is no solution. There are simply not enough hours in the day.

You sound incredibly selfish.

Yes, @steff13, I made a reading error and skipped over information, like you did when you didn't read on to find out that I've already been corrected and apologised for missing it!

YABU. We are on a war footing. But there was state provided childcare in the war. Practically, in the current (war footing) situation, it's plain as can be that you furlough those with kids. Think you can work and look after a 3yo? You can't. If you could, childcare wouldn't exist. I hope you're never in this situation. It's shit. Your furloughed colleagues are probably going up the wall with worry they will be made redundant right in the middle of the worst economic situation we've ever known, and exactly at the point their local nursery is going bust, thus removing women's chances of getting back into the workplace anyway.

@suitedandbooted

Not ideal but that could be code for "my husband is abusive / neglectful to the children when they're in his care but I can't do anything about it right now" for all you know. I mean, it's a pretty outrageous request by anyone's standards making me think there's more to it.

I actually have some sympathy with your situation. But if - as your manager - I asked for data on productivity, and heard any complaints about parents not being fully productive at this time, I would not be impressed.

I've had this with a member of my team, complaining that a colleague (with there's children) is not at her desk all day. There are other issues with this woman (of which I am fully aware), but frankly, complaining about something like this reflects worse on the complainant than the target.

No, sorry, I think you've got a nerve complaining about this anyway, let alone on Mumsnet. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to be working from home in lockdown with young children, unless you yourself have young children or caring responsibilities of another nature.

Out of my four closest friends, the two who have been furloughed are childfree. One is working long hours in a low paid admin role and has a young child, but luckily her partner only works a few hours a week. The other is on maternity leave.

It's not right for you to be picking up so much slack to the extent you're working very long hours and are stressed, so if that's the case, take it up with your employer. Two of my team have mental health issues and in the years I've worked with them, have been off at the same time for weeks at a time leaving the rest of us to "pick up the slack". Do I bitch about it? No, because poor mental health is not a choice. Neither is lockdown with no other childcare or options.

Oh, and I am working less than 50% my usual hours, in a well-paid public sector role, on my full pay. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

nanbread

True, I know we can never really be sure about what's going on in people's lives.

However, I do know the employee in question quite well, and I would say it's more that she really prefers being at home. She has a long commute, and isn't the most engaged worker. She has a lovely home and a (seemingly) nice DH , so I can understand, if not approve!

Oh dear OP you've rattled the cage of the mummy martyrs who think that no other person can have anything difficult or frustrating in their lives - especially if you don't have kids.

for you and your housemate dealing with shit in a shit situation. I hope your company appreciates what you are doing.

who I know are and even then I am fully empathising how hard it must be for them

Yeah. No you aren’t.

Op, I'd be interested to know what you think the solution for this is? What do you want to happen?